Being a lucky guy makes me love life. Come and frolic in the delight of LIVING

[Statutory Ape]

So as I've stated I have been super happy to have a laptop again. Miss my Mac like a father misses his abandoned and lost child, weeping uncontrollably.

Beggars can't also be choosers though, and I choosy-choose to have something and not nothing all day every so I have this brand new laptop make it's way to my warm heart and home, and I am happy. Things seem to be turning around for me yesterday, to the craziest thing I have ever seen- I WON SOMETHING! Well found, a light rail ticket (valid) stuck in the machine. Saved me $4 (PACK OF SMOKES FOR THE UNEDUCATED) !!!!! Aweesome!!!!

Sitting at home, on the can actually, and the laptop isn't doing anything, I had some logs open *BINK* it's dead or off, whatever, instantly just died. No reason no logic no warning, nothing.

And now it won't fucking turn on. I press power, it starts, hard drive starts *bink* whole thing insta-dies. I can't even get any cd's out fast enough, it's within a second or two after pressing power. Press power, some lights come on like for the hard drive and this horrid HP AUTO-PLAY shits, the hard drive whirs *bink*

There is an audible POP sound when it dies, I can't say why, but the auto-play panel seems to show the system boots up with mute on, then unmutes and tha'ts when a crash also happens.

I tried removing the battery and unplugging power cable and then holding Power for 30 seconds and then restarting, nathan.

Tried unscrewing the entire blasted thing looking for loose wires, nathan.

I am getting worried and a bit ANGRY at all of this. The laptop is 4 years old but in truth has maybe 60 hours total usage on it, and nothing much on the hard drive but some bloat/crapware I did my best to remove and some card games. Bare bones install of vista and nothing else.

I really am pissed here that fate can be so cruel. Having just spent months running at breakneck speed around the libraries and public computers to make their joke of a schdedule work so I could enjoy a little discourse and connect with important peple and such I was ECSTATIC a couple weeks so to hear the dooo i lk the news of his stel

[Bobby Wong]

get real with your life you used that fucker 60 hours today, while you should have been out seeking gainful employment or mental health counseling

[Statutory Ape]

WOW I woke up mid-post in a daze and the post fucking posted itself.

Wong now is not the time to try my patience (it's Saturday, you couldn't reel me in with that bait today if kai greenes lock of hair was nestled on the hook as well, the final delectable package wrapped in the sweet fragrance of lime and semen AT THE SAME TIME VMNEIOEWNFIOW to make it oh so hard to resist!)

Maybe on a weekday Wong, a weekday. Respect the effort.

[Statutory Ape]

So anyway, my OP was cut off by this needing sleep nonsense and essentially I am troubleshooting the problem, hoping for sage input that does not sound like the words mother board or PSU, and carries a reasonable price-tag (she's clean no dents and a vanilla bean air-freshener to keep it lean mean and clean, but the thing is- she's only worth, well, what a bitch is fucking worth, quite frankly)

I noted the little lightning bolt indeed is not coming on, ever, which indicates faulty power supply? Hmm. If true, what happened so I avoid it in the future?

[Been]

in wong's defense, there are classifieds you could be surfing online

[Bobby Wong]

what happened to your old laptop

[anatine]

i hear michael sent you a virus.

[Statutory Ape]

i hear michael sent you a virus.

I was well past AIM club when I got my MAC. I was, at that point, wandering around "Dr. 408mike to you, BUDDY" land, with my MAC in tow, riding light rail with people who would've killed me for it if it had it been sporting a mirror finish rather than matte.

Steve Jobs literally thought of everything.

[Statutory Ape]

what happened to your old laptop

It's Saturday!

[poofter]

you're a fucking loon

[onestep]

I had that same problem too 40scrapes.

I was in California at the time visiting my friend and my hard drive was corrupted beyond restoration. Motherboard was fried too. Luckily, I was staying at a hotel and a lovely gentleman offered to sell me a good condition mac laptop for 500. I was so grateful.

[Statutory Ape]

Technically I have bought (reserved more like it) a macbook (13 inch, the last ones made, think a couple years old) for $200, just haven't gotten the coin together and met up, all that good stuff.

1step for $500 what did you get? Maxbook pro air or what?

[Statutory Ape]

Well now here's something, I am on the phone with HP and turns out, the computer was not only never used, it was never registered either, and warranty/repair type stuff might be workable. At the very least free tech support would be so crucial, I mean I think I may get lucky after all, which would be pretty great I have to admit.

[Statutory Ape]

Oh fuck, 2007 parts. HP is not even making replacement parts, which means- this tech guy is actually trying to SELL ME A NEW COMPUTER the fuck I RUN THESE CONVERSATIONS YOU BASTARD

GOD SHUT UP, THE MOTHERFUCKER ISN'T EVEN A TECH SUPPORT REP HE'S A SHELL OF A HUMAN BEING

THIS IS CHRISTIANITY'S DOING, PRETENDING TO HELP JUST LONG ENOUGH TO GAIN SOME TRUST- HE WON'T EVEN ENGAGE ME IN TROUBLE SHOOTING- "5 years 5 years"

[Statutory Ape]

JESUS FUCK ME HE WON'T EVEN HELP ME FIGURE OUT WHAT'S BROKEN, BUT HE KNOWS *FOR SURE* IT WILL COST TOO MUCH TO FIX, AND SEEMS TO ENJOY RAMBLING WHILE I INSULT HIM

wtf

[Bobby Wong]

if laptop is broken how do you post

[Statutory Ape]

wow, HP *might* give me a discount on a SMOLDERING NEW CUTTING EDGE **WINDOWS 7 HP SUPERCOMPUTER**

AND GODDAMNIT RIGHT AS I CUT INTO THIS BASTARD LIKE HE DESERVES

MY 73 YEAR OLD NEIGHBOR, THE ONE WITH DEMENTIA, WALKS IN WITHOUT ANY PANTS ON , AND STARTS TENDERLY RUBBING MY SHOULDER

THAT JUST FUCKING HAPPENED

AND I AM STILL ON THE PHONE WITH THIS PLACE http://www8.hp.com/us/en/contact-hp/phone-assist.html#section1

"HP Spectre Notebook PC products
HP TouchSmart PC products
HP HDX Notebook PC products
HP Firebird Desktop PC products 866-408-5408 24 hours a day, 7 days a week U.S.: English and Spanish"

OH THEY'RE OPEN 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK ALRIGHT

THEY LITERALLY CAN'T WAIT TO HELP THEIR CUSTOMERS SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS

I DID IT, I JUST CUT THIS RAT BASTARD- YOU PITCH ME 8 TIMES, I CALL OUT THE FACT YOU AREN'T A TECH REP AND COULDN'T FIX MY TOASTER, SO AGAIN I GET A PITCH AND, UNBELIEVABLY, ANOTHER

HE JUST GOT WHAT THE FUCK HE DESERVED, MY NEIGHBOR STILL HAS NO PANTS ON AND HER HUSBAND DOESN'T SEEM BOTHERED BY MUCH OF ANYTHING AT ALL

MOTHER OF GOD AM I MAD

I AM GOING TO LIGHT THIS MOTHERFUCKER UP *RIGHT NOW*

[Statutory Ape]

if laptop is broken how do you post

Across the street, at my neighbors place. They're canadian, you'd like em. Tragically being an RN for 35 years of absolute dedication does not earn one a ticket to passing on with grace and dignity. Dementia is faggot and if God exists the fact that He intentionally made something THAT retarded is just- I haven't had dinner I realized just now.

Wong- shit just got real. I was just disrespected to a degree that I have never in my life- the cocksucker went so far as to pull the old "I have no supervisor" - RAPE- "Well he's on another call and will not be coming on the call to assist you" "SIR IT IS A 5 YEAR OLD MACHINE IF YOU JUST TELL ME YOUR PRICE RANGE LIKE I HAVE BEEN ASKING" -MOTHER OF GOD HE ACTUALLY SAID THAT- AND NOT JUST A FEW TIMES EITHER-AND SHRUGGED OFF "STOP ATTEMPTING TO DIRECT THE CONVERSATION AND GIVE UP TRYING TO SELL ME YOU COCKSUCKER"

I am taking a walk. Somehow what I just did to this (probably very poor and short) scumbag isn't sitting right, and my GOD I am not ok getting old.

[Statutory Ape]

Wong advice? I called the number as HP says to do online, the tech support is hard sales, just round in circles until VOMIT

i s/w "jeed"

he refused credentials of any kind and even attempted to claim there is not way to reference the call with HP.

I told him he has a boss and HP isn't paying people on the honor system, ALL calls and shit are tracked so HOW WOULD HP FIND THIS CONVERSATION?

He was too stupid to realize I already had him, the moron.

He registered the laptop over the phone with HP just 20 minutes prior.

I want this turkey's head on a stick.

At the least, are you aware of some way to obtain a recorded playable version? God that was fun, it's been a while.

[Bobby Wong]

you are using your elderly neighbor's pc to post malware laden unicorn porn and needlessly abuse a salesperson? you are the most pathetic life loser imaginable and doubtless a danger to yourself and others. i'm pushing for a lifetime ban, and if you keep this nonsense up i'm going to contact the authorities.

[Statutory Ape]

In fairness I would absolutely be OUTRAGED if someone did the same to me. Pornography is vile shit and has no place in MY clean wholesome slice of reality. I see porn, I want to kill the man wearing it with extreme prejudice.

Thankfully my generation keeps it real and considers this to be art http://cdnimg.visualizeus.com/thumbs/77/ab/unicorn,funny,gay,man,muscles,pink-77abdf5ed768bfbb0cca9b3b5fb2f10a_h.jpg

malware free art, for the record.

I am pretty damned awesome I know, thank you Wonger. Enjoy the rest of your Saturday evening (weekend I mean, be a few days before I get back)

[Statutory Ape]

I just realized that little faggot was trying to use some kind of hobo collectorish/usedcarsales/christian hogwash on me, and all I was trying to do was troubleshoot an almost brand new machine that is completely worthless and a waste of money (not mine thankfully)

FUCK hp, no wonder they aren't a player in the world anymore. Scumbags.

[Been]

since when do you realize things? i don't want this to become a habit

[DankBlaniels]

mike you are terribe

[nextlevelshit]

408 is the best but I think he needs some sanity pills. Is meth based insanity reversible?

Taking what bob says about religion is lol.

[DankBlaniels]

shut the fuck up hoser

[nextlevelshit]

shut the fuck up hoser

I refuse to beat up on 408. Hes currently #1 poster on the internet. Better than even Carrico at his peak. ... but I want to know WTF is going on ...

you still tweaking 408 ?

[Statutory Ape]

Maaaaaaan it's looking grim

Power Supply Somethingsomething or

Fried motherboard

Thankfully the hard drive checked out but I am not so sure about my RAM. I might have fucked up RAM as would be expected of a computer WITH 40 HOURS OF ACTUAL USAGE

Why is it so damned hard to google the fuck to do with this POS? I press power, lights come on a second, pop sound shits all dead.

What's weird- that's how the shit died in the first place. Running fine on the bathroom sink, not getting wet mind you, reading a log *POP* shit's dead on the spot. Never whirred up to BIOS selection menu since. Nothing changes this.

Got to be power supply, but what part and how do I diagnose this is the dilemma. Battery seems ok, changes nothing if AC unplugged, WHAT THE FUCK

[Statutory Ape]

TINE THANK GOD FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU BECAUSE I LITERALLY HATE COMPUTERS

HATE
HATE
HATE THE FUCKING THINGS

love the porn beamed direct to my eyeballs though *kiss kiss* NEVER CHANGE BABY

[Bobby Wong]

sonatines the one who put a virus in your rams bro

[SkyNigger]

I dunno man, I'm no expert but if you had a gun to my head I would say the problem with your computer is that it's FIVE years old and after 6 months, computers don't really seem capable of handling the new fandangled technological advances.

Does it have a floppy disk drive?

More seriously, it sounds like your RAM. Power supply problems tend not to supply power at all. But the fact that you have a laptop and can't figure out a way to test if it's a power supply problem makes me wonder whether you're using your socks as your naughty mittens.

But you're being a moron. Fixing a 5 year old computer when they're literally giving new computers away to anyone with a few hundred bucks? What's going on with you.

Please do not answer that.

[Statutory Ape]

I dunno man, I'm no expert but if you had a gun to my head I would say the problem with your computer is that it's FIVE years old and after 6 months, computers don't really seem capable of handling the new fandangled technological advances.

Does it have a floppy disk drive?

More seriously, it sounds like your RAM. Power supply problems tend not to supply power at all. But the fact that you have a laptop and can't figure out a way to test if it's a power supply problem makes me wonder whether you're using your socks as your naughty mittens.

But you're being a moron. Fixing a 5 year old computer when they're literally giving new computers away to anyone with a few hundred bucks? What's going on with you.

Please do not answer that.

1- RAM seems most likely but then my machine has 2 sticks (1g a piece) and swapping them in different oders, 1 vs 2, that sort of thing-does nothing.

If I yank both and boot the thing, it gives me some funny beeps and then actually STAYS ON but the screen never comes on, the cd drive sounds like it's reading my windows cd, but nothing happens. The HD is whirring, but not producing anything.

RAM goes back in, back to death.

Can both sticks go bad at once like that?

With 40 hours total usage????

Something isn't right, and HP has no interest in telling me anything useful as I am now 5/5 phone calls to "HP" not going to HP whatsoever but some sweat shop in sri lanka or some shit.

#2 I would be delighted to take home one of those "free" machines only costing a few hundred bucks

EXCEPT I DON'T HAVE A FEW HUNDRED BUCKS.

so, ya, if this is fixable I will damn well try...

#3 What's going on with me? Sorry for being so poor, I will be better I promise! Just don't abandon me and my filthy RAGS Mr. SkyNigger!!!!

I AM BEGGING YOU!!!!!!

[SkyNigger]

You're going to spend more time failing to fix this paperweight than it would take to earn the money to buy a brand new one.

I've already told you countless times not to impose your insanity onto others. How could I abandon you? Something would have to happen for that to be possible, wouldn't it?

That thing has not happened.

Your laziness is starting to get on my nerves.

http://i.imgur.com/ZOnkm.png

[Bobby Wong]

where are you posting from today mike?

[DankBlaniels]

the old mans house again imo lets hope he doesnt get molested

[Statutory Ape]

Dude bdaniels, you have no idea- I am literally scared weird shit might happen

which is why I am almost never here when the affected party is. She goes to daycare for senior catholic toddlers m-th

and saturdays too, when it's $$$ feasible for a retired couple and all

and because some jerk postured his bullshit, I only come over and use the comp when i am DOING SOMETHING FOR THE MAN.

Trust me, you take things like using gmail for granted, I spend hours with the man showing him stuff like that, outlook, getting the comp reformatted.

In the last month I saved his PC (he paid $200 to some tech pirate who INSTALLED NORTON AND SOME OTHER FUCKING BULLSHIT ANTI-VIRUS- AND MALWAREBYTES AND A HALF DOZEN OTHERS, AND DID NOTHING ELSE- nothing!!!) by an easy reformat and from there, spent time teaching him all the shit you think is second nature.

I also kept a fridge from being stolen by his wife's caretaker. What a gal, I walked over with USB in hand to bring over his backed up files when 2 mexicans show up in a white truck, nothing's goings on, suddenly his fridge is making a hasty exit and I noticed- The man of the house, where is he? "sir i don't knoiw, I only take call come with truck"

Hate to abbreviate, the man told me they were picking up a "donated" fridge, I refused to let them leave. The caretaker played dumb, then changed the story to "they agreed to sell for $89" yeah right.

I busted that piece of shit right back to thieving skanksville, put her right on blast with Mr. 408Neighbor that the piece of shit was abusing his wife and her situation.

He thanked me, and handled business with the company (he wrote a damn letter, on a postcard no less- not quite the message I wanted to send, but they are canadian....)

so anyway, my private life is going donkdown very soon. I am sick and fucking tired of you pricks offering nothing and then taking everything I say DAMN NEAR EVERY SINGLE THING and making me look like shit, over and over and over again.

I am not repeating myself. Go ahead and give not a fuck and keep stepping on my toes, and not caring.

See where that gets you jerks.

[SkyNigger]

Go ahead and give not a fuck and keep stepping on my toes, and not caring.

See where that gets you jerks.

Where has this emotive appeal insanity gotten you in the three decades after it ceased being tolerable. A winning play, I assume?

Otherwise it would make you insane, I presume.

[Bobby Wong]

oh, i've fucking got you now mike. you really fucking slipped up this time. interfering with trade between canadian and mexican nationals is a clear nafta violation. expect a visit from the us customs department bro.

[nextlevelshit]

Look it is likely HD if anything is going to die from sitting there not used. Bad memory usually still starts boot ing then crashes. If you never see a logo on the screen then the mother or screen is fried.

Get a sign begging for someone's working laptop. Hang out at an intersection, fight off competing panahandlers. You might gotta get tough back but realize they're bluffing when they start growl ing like dogs.l

[Statutory Ape]

yea i agree jack, i hope the old man is ok.

My neighbor is a Master Gardner actually, REALLY knows plants and making highly intricate (bob you would be floored- Cobson would jizz instantly at the sight of his 3 dimensional irrigation schematic. was an engineer for Lockheed, shocker I know) ((IT'S A FUCKING 6 HOUR DRIP IRRIGATION SYSTEM FOR WELL NORTH OF 500 PLANTS FFS. IT DRIPS TO THE MINUTE HOW MUCH DEPTH IS NEEDED FOR THE PARTICULAR PLANTS- TOMORROW I AM GOING TO CAPTURE THE MAGNITUDE OF THIS THING, AND IT WILL BLOW YOU GUYS AWAY))

what the hell am i talking about? neighbor...um master oh fuck it. im going to bed. blew my spunk here on hallowed ground, it was fucking AWESOME

[Statutory Ape]

Look it is likely HD if anything is going to die from sitting there not used. Bad memory usually still starts boot ing then crashes. If you never see a logo on the screen then the mother or screen is fried.

Get a sign begging for someone's working laptop. Hang out at an intersection, fight off competing panahandlers. You might gotta get tough back but realize they're bluffing when they start growl ing like dogs.l

Thanks dude. If it means anything, I know each point you just made like I know uncomfortable feelings in public.

[rum dick]

This is probably the most confusing thread ive ever read.

[Statutory Ape]

Don't act like you read the whole thing dude.

We weren't born yesterday nor is your name Statutory Ape.

And I have read the whole thing, organically in fact.

Someday Skatz will die off and our words, our actions, our emotions and our insights-all of the essence we are enjoying together will live on, and 300 years from now, people will rejoice "HOLY SHIT LOOK! I FOUND SOME GARBLED MESSAGES FROM OUR SAVIOUR, THE SKYCHRIST!"

" DUDE, THE SKYCHRIST WAS NEVER REAL, HE WAS JUST MADE UP BY OUR MOMS, SO WE'D LEARN OUR LESSONS ABOUT CHRISTIANS AND PEDOPHILIA,, AND WHY BOTH WERE WIPED FROM THE PLANET 290 YEARS AGO."

"OH YEAH, IT WAS A HEROIC ACT OF COURAGE AND BRAVERY FOR THOSE FEW TO STAND AGAINST THE TYRANNICAL DEMONS WHO PREYED ON THE LITTLE ONES. GOD BLESS SKYCHRIST, BLESS YOUR HEART, FOREVER!"

"HEY, LOOOOOOOOKIT!!!!!! (EYES BIG AS DINNER PLATES TAKE IN THE VIEW) IT'S, I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE-

STATUTORY APE, HIS #2!!! THEY SAY HE STARTED WHAT SKYCHRIST FINISHED, HEROICALLY TAKING THE BATTLE RIGHT TO THE VERY HALLS OF RELIGION AND WITH A MIGHTY PUFF (he was known for being full of hot air-who knew it became useful someday) HE BLEW DOWN 75 CHURCHES AND HUNG OVER 300 PEDOPHILE PRIESTS BY THEIR PENSISES RIGHT ON THE ARMS OF THE PLASTIC JESUS ADORNING THEIR SACRED FILTHY HOMES"

"GOD BLESS YOU TOO APE! HOPE YOU HEAR THIS, WE ALL LIVE FREE BECAUSE YOU DIED FOR IT, REFUSING TO LIVE IN SHACKLES AND LETTING YOUR LIFE BE FOR NOTHING"

"THANK YOU FOR STANDING FOR SOMETHING APE"

"YOUR LIFE MEANT SOMETHING TO THE WORLD, AND WE WILL NEVER FORGET!!!"

good night all, and to SkyChrist- the above is priceless, can you imagine? People enjoying the world you and I wish we could help create, it actually being REAL

Now that's something to talk about, I think.

[Been]

are you really at that old man's house at midnight?

[Statutory Ape]

The box won folks, my cat is now sleeping on the floor JUST outside of the empty box.

She seems so at peace, the tranquility is just so... tranquil.

[SkyNigger]

Comments

Statutory Ape:
FOR NOT BELIEVING IN ME AND TELLING ME TO QUIT- AND KEEP BEING 408MIKE. ADMIT IT, YOU LOVE HIM MORE THAN ME!!!!

http://i.imgur.com/cKZpD.png

I have no fucking idea what you're talking about.

Do not misconstrue this for a request for clarification.

[DankBlaniels]

that picture never gets old

[DankBlaniels]

on an unrelated note a telemarketer from a place called the hearing center just called and i didnt think fast enough to say "sorry what was that ?"

feeling like such a dingus right now

[SkyNigger]

on an unrelated note a telemarketer from a place called the hearing center just called and i didnt think fast enough to say "sorry what was that ?"

feeling like such a dingus right now

worst feeling in the world when you think of a zinger after the time when the zinger could have zinged.

In Year 11, as I started to come out of my shell, I would think of these :glory comebacks like 5-10 min after my head dropped in defeat at getting burned. I used to curse mySelf and in hindsight probably shouldn't have lived in :ifonly agonising 20/10 hindsight.

I have no fucking idea what I'm talking about.

I blame the Christian operative for this.

http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/401773_437723752925484_2066403894_n.jpg

I'm posting gingas now. Nearing unstable territory.

[DankBlaniels]

i am sure she must hear the same joke plenty of times a day but would still have been fun

[DankBlaniels]

feel like this guy

56VL8r8Oiw4

[Hillbilly Jim]

My neighbor is a Master Gardner actually, REALLY knows plants and making highly intricate (bob you would be floored- Cobson would jizz instantly at the sight of his 3 dimensional irrigation schematic. was an engineer for Lockheed, shocker I know) ((IT'S A FUCKING 6 HOUR DRIP IRRIGATION SYSTEM FOR WELL NORTH OF 500 PLANTS FFS. IT DRIPS TO THE MINUTE HOW MUCH DEPTH IS NEEDED FOR THE PARTICULAR PLANTS- TOMORROW I AM GOING TO CAPTURE THE MAGNITUDE OF THIS THING, AND IT WILL BLOW YOU GUYS AWAY))

what the hell am i talking about? neighbor...um master oh fuck it. im going to bed. blew my spunk here on hallowed ground, it was fucking AWESOME

you should ask him if he is an uphill gardner

[Statutory Ape]

you should ask him if he is an uphill gardner

a what?

[Statutory Ape]

SkyNigger:
Mike is a Christian elite operative. Don't get confused. That's how they win.

wat

[tire]

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