2 serious questions

[Hillbilly Jim]

how do you get a horse that has a checkerd ass?
how do you get a horse to piss upwards and defy gravity?

http://i.thisislondon.co.uk/i/pix/2009/06/horse-jump-415x589.jpg

[gay sex]

the 2nd one is the dew coming off the leaves, the first one could be the imprint from the bottom of the riding boot

[MistaCobalina]

dew on the leafs? Oh gare.. it's obviously a water obstacle, that the horse jumped into, helping cause the horsepalm, and the water is flying off his hoofs

[Steerpike]

The dew from the leaves?

A likely story.

Horse and rider clearly just exited one of the water obstacles.

The checkerboard effect is made with an assortment of clever grooming brushes.

[gay sex]

im fucking retarded these last 2 days im seriously worried about my brain

[Steerpike]

omg jinxies!

[Steerpike]

it's called a noodle

[gay sex]

im hoping it recovers

[gay sex]

cmon brain one time pleeeease

[Hillbilly Jim]

dew, yeah like some guy is going to jump horse firs thing in the morning, he would have tea and trumpets first

[MistaCobalina]

i think gare has been reading too many victorian romance novels, that use "dew glistening on the petals" as an euphemism for a wet cunt.

[MistaCobalina]

i thing you mean tea and strumpets.... daaaaaawwwwwwwggggggg

[Hillbilly Jim]

damn i love a wet gunt

[VaughnP]

Coasting in a HOF sled



I made that one up for Christmas ya'll.

[YouGotPLOwned]

As mentioned, water is from the jump.
Lovely pattern indicates horse was purchased from David Jones.

[Hillbilly Jim]

premium content guys

[gay sex]

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

[Hillbilly Jim]

lol yeah guys, that horse is clearly pissing upwards

[blake]

why does the horse look so relaxed?

[Hillbilly Jim]

why does the horse look so relaxed?

because its pissing bro, think about it

[MistaCobalina]

you can't piss nervous, it's a scientific fact.

[SkyNigger]

you can't piss nervous, it's a scientific fact.

I think you got nervous and aroused mixed up.

You can't piss aroused.

You can piss nervous. If hella nervous [i.e. scared shitless] you might piss involuntarily [I have done this 2x].

You can't piss if a urinal colleague is admiring the size of your wang.

You can piss if a urinal colleague is playing "crossing swords" in good spirits.

You can't piss on cocaine, amphetamines, opiates, and most drugs.

You can piss on alcohol drug. Sometimes it's all you can do. Sometimes your g/f wakes up in your efforts [this has never happened to me].

You can piss in your sleep.

You can piss in the shower. And on your girlfriend in the shower. I have pissed on every girlfriend I've ever had. In the shower, at some point. Some points very close to their leaving points.

You can't piss when you're old.

-----

I think I've covered most of the pissing possibilities. If I've missed any, pls PM me as I would like to keep this list updated.

Admin, please sticky it also.

[SkyNigger]

Admin, please sticky it also.

I swear to god Vaughn...

where is Pike when you need him?

http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/391207_443387702350597_1777383390_n.jpg

[Statutory Ape]

dew on the leafs? Oh gare.. it's obviously a water obstacle, that the horse jumped into, helping cause the horsepalm, and the water is flying off his hoofs

In fairness the water stream is coming from the right area to be potentially be horse piss, but if you've seen horses piss up close, there is one thing it never is, and that's crystal CLEAR.

Also what happened to :horsepalm anyway?

I mean, not really the biggest fan of horses, but-wow, if ever there was a candidate, that's GOT to be the 'chosen one' for sure.

[Statutory Ape]

you can't piss nervous, it's a scientific fact.

Almost 100% sure you are right.

Excited it's impossible to relax and start the urine stream.

Scuter what's the common link between X coke and Meth, in your experience?

You can't really piss on either of the three.

Would you consider your body in a nervous, excited state on those drugs or calm and relaxed? "Aroused" I won't mess with because iwhile it's true you can't piss when you have a boner but let's get real here, excited/aroused pretty much are very similar states of heightened arousal and sensitivity for your body.

50/50 here, as far as your body cares- you're either excited or relaxed. One of the two, other perceived states are sub-classifications overall.

[Hillbilly Jim]

i hope the skatz thoroughbred is more of an athlete than the horse in this thread

[SkyNigger]

You can't really piss on either of the three.

Would you consider your body in a nervous, excited state on those drugs or calm and relaxed?

It's got nothing to do with the nerves or excitement.

The word you're looking for is "tense" and yes, it is all about "arousal". When your body is tensed, you will not be able to urinate but you can shit pretty easily. I've done enough distance running to know all about that phenomenon.

When you're nervous / excited you can piss quite easily. Why, you could find you don't have a choice in the matter.

I was surfing (or trying to) one day when a shark flew past my leg maybe 1 metre away. I saw the entire body in a flash, only a metre or two underneath the surface. I was frozen. My brain was screaming at my arms to paddle but I couldn't even lie down. The messages from my brain weren't being registered by my limbs.

That helpless feeling where your brain is working seemingly fine "FUCK FUCK PADDLE GO FUCK" and you're just frozen as if you were a quadraplegic...god there's probably nothing quite as fucked up.

Suddenly, I felt a sensation in my right leg. And the water which had been quite cold suddenly became very warm. I couldn't look down. I mean, I literally couldn't bend my neck to look down but I was pretty sure when I could or did, the water was going to be very very red. And I was pretty sure I would be missing a leg.

When I finally managed to look down, the water was yellow. The sheer joy of realising I'd pissed myself (as opposed to the alternative) shot my limbs into action. I tore off to the shore about 300m away and then I saw the shadow of the shark cross under my board but I was moving by this stage so I figured I was a chance.

Then I cried. Because a dolphin popped up with what I fucking SWEAR was a playful look. It chirped at me. I swear it was mocking me, and I burst into uncontrollable sobbing. Once I'd recovered, I slowly paddled into shore.

You might say I was nervous / excited. I was able to piss fine. The 'problem' with pissing on performance-enhancing drugs is not considered a problem when you're having sex. The reasons for both is the same.

[Statutory Ape]

It's got nothing to do with the nerves or excitement.

The word you're looking for is "tense" and yes, it is all about "arousal". When your body is tensed, you will not be able to urinate but you can shit pretty easily. I've done enough distance running to know all about that phenomenon.

When you're nervous / excited you can piss quite easily. Why, you could find you don't have a choice in the matter.

I was surfing (or trying to) one day when a shark flew past my leg maybe 1 metre away. I saw the entire body in a flash, only a metre or two underneath the surface. I was frozen. My brain was screaming at my arms to paddle but I couldn't even lie down. The messages from my brain weren't being registered by my limbs.

That helpless feeling where your brain is working seemingly fine "FUCK FUCK PADDLE GO FUCK" and you're just frozen as if you were a quadraplegic...god there's probably nothing quite as fucked up.

Suddenly, I felt a sensation in my right leg. And the water which had been quite cold suddenly became very warm. I couldn't look down. I mean, I literally couldn't bend my neck to look down but I was pretty sure when I could or did, the water was going to be very very red. And I was pretty sure I would be missing a leg.

When I finally managed to look down, the water was yellow. The sheer joy of realising I'd pissed myself (as opposed to the alternative) shot my limbs into action. I tore off to the shore about 300m away and then I saw the shadow of the shark cross under my board but I was moving by this stage so I figured I was a chance.

Then I cried. Because a dolphin popped up with what I fucking SWEAR was a playful look. It chirped at me. I swear it was mocking me, and I burst into uncontrollable sobbing. Once I'd recovered, I slowly paddled into shore.

You might say I was nervous / excited. I was able to piss fine. The 'problem' with pissing on performance-enhancing drugs is not considered a problem when you're having sex. The reasons for both is the same.

Intriguing (highly) point, I hadn't considered that, the perspective of tension vs being excited or nervous. The former preventing you from pissing, but it's really a by-product of excitement or arousal, you certainly can't be tense and relaxed right?

For the moment I call it a draw with a point in your favor for the engaging story (with a chirping dolphin no less) in case I don't remember to counterpoint (very possible)

I wonder if only a small minority would be able to piss under duress like that, or a small minority couldn't, etc.

[Statutory Ape]

Googling I found an interesting answer, which makes things a little more clear, I think.

Basically Scuter, what you are referring to is not Urination, it is involuntary leakage from the bladder, known as Incontinence.

In keeping with the premise of stress preventing one from urinating, which is voluntary, your assertion that it does happen in higihly stressful situations was partially true (produces urine) but also largely wrong (involuntarily a small amount juts out, once the flow starts moving, your bladder empties, regardless of your actions)

Team Ape of Nanking awaits rebuttal and claims tentative victory, good sir.

"Urinary Incontinence"

"An uncontrollable leakage of urine from the bladder results, when a person loses voluntary control of the urinary sphincter muscles, such leakage can occur even when the loss of control is even for a second. Urinary incontinence is very common in the form known as stress incontinence, which can also occur while laughing, or when coughing or sneezing and as the name suggest, when a person is faced with a tense or a dangerous situation which is very stressful. Urinary incontinence due to stress can also occur when a person is lifting heavy loads as this physical strain may momentarily cause a leakage due to loss of control. Another form of urinary incontinence is the form known as the urge incontinence which can affect a person quite suddenly and comes on because of a sudden or overwhelming urge to urinate; resulting in spontaneous urination wherever the person happens to be at the time. Overflow incontinence occurs when the urge to urinate has been suppressed for too long, during such cases, the bladder is completely full, but for some reason it cannot be emptied properly; it eventually leaks out involuntarily. The presence of an abnormally weak urine stream when urinating combined with an occasional leakage or urine even when the urge is suppressed are the typical symptoms for the form of urinary incontinence known as overflow incontinence. Though it is not considered to be an inevitable part of aging and its related effects, bladder incontinence is by and large fairly common in the elderly, when they are taken as a demographic group. In the more serious and severe cases any form of urinary incontinence is often accompanied by the presence of physical symptoms such as numbness and pain in the urinary system of the affected person."