sup yall

[SkyNigger]

I'm a man of few words.

Admin, can I please request my Internet username be changed to SkyNigger? I feel Dakota has been 'done' to death. Everyone got a turn.

A new day dawns. In 16 hrs GMT+7

[gay sex]

along the route to immortality

[SkyNigger]

That was less overtly gay in my head.

[blake]

hella admin'ing in here

[SkyNigger]

So how have you all been?

I've been not so bad, myself. Haven't been doing all that much. Trying to think of a funny story I can make up and claim really happened. Maybe later.

I don't have the aids. So that's good.

Been hanging out a lot with Sonatine [the unbearded version, I cannot speak for a bearded module]. Which is to say, 3x more than anyone else. So once or twice a month. I can recommend him to you if you are in need of a social partner to join you for an evening of bridge or an appearance in public but he is equally comfortable in a HU conversation, especially if you know your way around a suit.

Tell me something interesting.

[SkyNigger]

Also I don't know how to kill sig pic, and the Laughing Guy was rubbing me anti-clockwise.

[gay sex]

years ago two very different men and such old boy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sv67eXAC7-Q

[blake]

my basement flooded

[gay sex]

hella burned on this years sandia crop i heard

[SkyNigger]

my basement flooded

Some people have all the luck.

http://img824.imageshack.us/img824/5954/fritzlworldsgreatestdad.jpg

[SkyNigger]

Like a month ago I was too lazy to pluck my eyebrows so I resorted to paying for sex with my credit card inside as opposed to paying for sex with my credit card outside. I was quite chuffed [if a little nervous] to organise a private date with this lady named Pontip.

http://img534.imageshack.us/img534/7648/80sfo.jpg

At $80, she was a steal I decided. I probably got $80 worth out of the deal by the time she arrived. At which point, she looked not so much like the girl above but more like this:

http://www.smutgeezer.com/asianmaturewomen/th-Amay2.jpg

I have been more impressed. Than I was then.

Ashamed at having been so craftily hornswaggled by such a rare Internet Scam, partly to make myself sound cool on another forum but mostly because I did not honestly see how I could get caught, I claimed that Pontip actually showed, signing off with "$80 sfo niggers"

I had to do some quick fucking thinking to keep my e-rep when - almost unbelievably - some little jerkoff goes:

dude that's miss luana http://missluana.com/

And I was in a tough spot. But I quickly said "no shit little jerkoff that's why when the nasty one showed, I so fucking owned myself. sfo?"

No one really bought it, but awkward plausibility can really save the day.

This story has a happy ending though, because after reading about Miss Luana, I thought she would appreciate a funny and helpful email and maybe she would send me some naked pics and who knows, cyber in time perhaps with my credit card. Then something like love could happen. All the balls are in play basically.

I knew I had to be funny straight out. You only get one chance to make an impression on a porn star's clerk. After a couple hours and 14 drafts, I decided this was putting my best foot forward:

there's a Bangkok hooker site using your pics and listing you for $110/hr.
http://111hot-babes.escort-site.com/photos.phtml [your pics are 2nd from bottom of the page and your name is Pontip]

I think, if I were you, the most insulting thing about it all would be the price. $110? Should be $1110. imho.

See how I made like a super subtle compliment that was also sexually loaded and maybe even suggestive? I've been reading about the Art of Flirting.

After like 3 weeks of refreshing my email inbox, I was ready to give up hope. When she responded with:

Hey Jonny,

Thanks for the heads up! Wow, it's funny that they couldn't think of a better name than "Pontip."

I appreciate you letting me know about this. Hope you have a great day! Happy 4th of July!

XOXO,
Luana
http://missluana.com

But it sucked cause I received it on July 5 due to time differences.

Also I didn't think that it was funny that her name was Pontip cause it sounded very believable to my credit card. But despite this, you can cut the sexual tension, and I need to capitalise, but I don't know how I can follow up my amazing opener.

Lightning doesn't strike twice. But if it does, I can tell you one thing....

http://img638.imageshack.us/img638/6766/itsonnowchaps.jpg

[SkyNigger]

i knew this was a bad idea.

http://i2.cdn.turner.com/si/2009/writers/jack_mccallum/04/03/jordan.baseball/michael-jordan-mccallum.jpg

[SkyNigger]

http://img535.imageshack.us/img535/7648/80sfo.jpg

$80 sfo

[blake]

So how have you all been?

I've been not so bad, myself. Haven't been doing all that much. Trying to think of a funny story I can make up and claim really happened. Maybe later.

I don't have the aids. So that's good.

Been hanging out a lot with Sonatine [the unbearded version, I cannot speak for a bearded module]. Which is to say, 3x more than anyone else. So once or twice a month. I can recommend him to you if you are in need of a social partner to join you for an evening of bridge or an appearance in public but he is equally comfortable in a HU conversation, especially if you know your way around a suit.

Tell me something interesting.

so scooter, give us a good trip report. tell us what happened on sonatine's birthday

[SkyNigger]

Due to the risqué nature of the events that transpired that fateful night, it has been too risky for me to relate them.

The man had a beard. Claimed - at one point - he was not afraid to use it.

A bearded 2+2'er killed a bargirl in Phuket a few nights ago.

Obviously I am not suggesting our currently clean-shaven man grew a fake beard, flew to Phuket, and killed a bargirl just to scare me.

But I think the nature of the Beards involved is a sobering portent of doom I can ill afford to ignore.

[SkyNigger]

http://www.skatzpoker.com/forums/image.php?u=19&dateline=1279505142

Is he staring at me or straight through me.

If through me, because I'm not worth looking at directly?

I hope it's through me. Don't want any trouble on my first day black.

[blake]

seriously, how many hookers did you guys kill?

[SkyNigger]

seriously, how many hookers did you guys kill?

I have a hooker killing virgin. So far.

Sonatine? I'd rather not say.

Fuck that 2+2 faggot.

[anatine]

Everyone always thinks they are in control of their beard. Next thing, they have to perch a shattered whore stuffed into a suitcase on the back of their moped for 3 kilometers, looking for a dump site. Its science fact.

Beards must be contained in rigorously defined stasis. Thats why scientists mostly grow them.

Mostly....

[anatine]

FUCK I want a waffle...

[anatine]

o god or a blintz.

[anatine]

My plan right now, btw, is to do either 6 months or a year in LA.. probably a year if I cant find a suitable subletter.. then head to Japan for 90 days, then, and this is where things get complex, back to Thailand for a spell then hopefully back to Japan for another 90 days and then back to LA.

Its the Thailand spell that gets complicated, because honestly I feel like one never really knows what the fuck type of visa shit is going to be on the table any given month here. I also need to find out if I can get into Japan with an *expired* Thai exit visa, as any second tour of Thailand is predicated on the assumption that I live within spitting distance of laconic, cricket eating whores in an apartment *with a fucking kitchenette* at the least.

Such are my travails, this math of life.

[anatine]

Also in addition to being a soothing and supportive conversationalist, Scooters abs are just like "BAM. HERE WE ARE WORLD."

[anatine]

I just ordered a bunch of.. what are advertised as donuts.. ostensibly.. honestly have no idea what might arrive. Augmented with an omlette and french toast to hedge my bets.

[SkyNigger]

I feel like one never really knows what the fuck type of visa shit is going to be on the table any given month here

One never really knows if one is not con-nect-ed to the one who always knows.

One is.

You want to speak to my guy. He is - the - guy. I could stay here for ever. And a bit.

And I might.

Also in addition to being a soothing and supportive conversationalist, Scooters abs are just like "BAM. HERE WE ARE WORLD."

This is actually true. I used to do situps back 10 years ago or so. Now I just don't eat.

I just ordered a bunch of.. what are advertised as donuts.. ostensibly.. honestly have no idea what might arrive. Augmented with an omlette and french toast to hedge my bets.

You're a right cunt for talking about food at a time like this.

A time that is 9 hours before FoodbyPhone drivers kickstart their engines. Insert slur of your choice here: __________

[Steerpike]

Insert slur of your choice here:

COCK-CHAFFINCH!

[anatine]

One never really knows if one is not con-nect-ed to the one who always knows.

One is.

You want to speak to my guy. He is - the - guy. I could stay here for ever. And a bit.

And I might.



This is actually true. I used to do situps back 10 years ago or so. Now I just don't eat.



You're a right cunt for talking about food at a time like this.

A time that is 9 hours before FoodbyPhone drivers kickstart their engines. Insert slur of your choice here: __________




Ok you know what?

*FUCK* CHEFXP.

I HAVE *HAD IT*.

Typical chefxp experience, repeated for the twentyteenth time tonight:

- Awesome incredible new restaurant advertises its menu there
- I pick out $45 worth of food, all of it sounds amazing
- Immediately get a email:

1 x Crispy calamari (7401) = 203.30
1 x Garlic bread (7410) = 96.30
1 x Potato wedges with sour cream (7414) = 171.20
1 x Chicken or Pork satay (7419) = 192.60
1 x Tiger prawns (7440) = 695.50
1 x Fried rice (Seafood/Chicken/Pork/Vegetarian) (7444) = 149.80

FUCK YEAH, LUNCH AND DINNER BOYEEEEE

- 10 minutes go by. No confirmation email from restaurant that order is received.
- 20 minues go by.
- 30 minutes go fucking by.
- 45 minutes later, phone rings. Some slurring tardwhore tells me that the restaurant is closed. 3 hours earlier than advertised. I let my tone of voice handle the lions share of my communication and terminate the call.
- +2 minutes later, THEY FUCKING CALL BACK ASKING IF I WANT TO CANCEL THE ORDER. I point out that Im pretty sure that IF THEY CANT FILL THE ORDER, ITS PRETTY MUCH FUCKING CANCELLED. "OHHH YOU WAN' ORDER FROM OTHER RESTAURANNNNN?"
- *NO* FOLLOWED BY A HANGUP IN SOMEONES GOOK FACE.

Chefxp is fucking *shady*. They fuck up orders, they take not a second less to deliver than anyone else, and they have sooooo many restaurants on their list that are simply never open OR they claim they are open but mysteriously arent open when you place your order.

Fuck those homos.


Fuck you, chefxp homos.

[me.]

*willingly lives in an asian shithole where nobody can understand me, ostensibly for these reasons?*

[me.]

i need a better word, ostensibly doesnt fit the bill this time

[SkyNigger]

Yeah it's literally amazing how incompetent ChefsXP is. Last year we got into a massive fight after they'd fucked up my order due to a "repeat order" bug where - surprise - order was not repeated. I'm like to the nigger manager who called me for 'feedback', "just look at www.foodbyphone.com - copy every functionality - you don't need to invent jack shit". He goes "ahhh"

Fast forward 1 year. Same bug is there. Can't accept CCs. Take 3x as long as FoodbyPhone. Niggers.

[anatine]

I just want them to fucking go out of business already. Then again they do manage to occasionally deliver fresh croissant..