Yeah so basically there are about 3 rather large PM's that will be heading to scuters inbox, if you all really want to get a feel for my emotional landscape get ready because I literally feel no shame at this point in my life.
You have not made a single logical argument. You've merely expressed how you FEEL.
No one cares about your dumb shit but you. And anyone that did care couldn't possibly be important enough to care about.
Why wouldn't I want lurkers to be saving the things I say?
I do not believe in intellectual property. If I had it my way, everything I said would be copied and used.
You need to be sane, of course. My story about Mai is 100% truth (so far). The only thing preventing me from proceeding is my disinclination with polluting it by including literary techniques and dialogue that never occurred; i.e. fiction. I want vassals to read it and vassals need to read it, but I'm not sure I like pandering to their vassal limitations. Ideally, someone else would write it and then fiction could be more easily introduced.
But you wouldn't cut and paste the story as being about you, unless it's true.
#suckingeggs
The problem with lurkers is that they have nothing invested into the conversation. What they are doing is essentially eavesdropping, which is rude. It's sick to lurk a forum you don't post on in my opinion, if you like the people and what's being discussed why not join in the fun? It's either because the people reading are really just spying on us or they are too timid to actually put their neck on the chopping block and see where the ax falls. I put in a lot of time and effort to become somewhat respected here, it seems cheap IMO to deliver personal shit like what's discussed via PM to a bunch of unknown randoms.
1. what mental health meds have you been prescribed in the past and are you taking any currently.
In 2007, I was bribing psychiatrists in Manila to give me scripts of whatever I wanted. I mostly wanted Alprazolam (Xanax) and Diazepam (Valium). I was dependent on Alprazolam within weeks and by the end of the year, I was taking lots per day because your body builds up a resistance to poisons pretty quickly. I stopped taking Xanax by forced withdrawal in Christchurch, New Zealand when my mates waxed my entire stock and a beastly psychotic psychiatrist refused to give me any because he "didn't approve of Xanax use". I think I told that story somewhere. It was a pretty brutal couple of days.
I almost never take Diazepam and I have taken Alprazolam since but I was mostly using it for sleep until I realised I don't actually -need- to sleep until I am tired.
Throughout 2009 and 2010 I was cycling through all the ADHD meds trying to treat a condition I've been aware of since the age of 5. Mostly Ritalin but Ritalin is fucking dirty poison. I tried every other ADHD med available in Thailand and Australia during that time. They're all a piece of shit. Stattera was devastating because it's one of those LONG uptake meds (like 3 months to know if it's working - I personally think that's a crock of shit because if, after 10 weeks, I still feel zero benefits what kind of bullshit retardation makes a doc think something magical is going to happen in week 13, or 15, 17 or 19?). Around week 20, I fucked that shit off; it was giving me indigestion and heartburn and that's about it. I asked for Desoxyn but as you'd know, Desoxyn (indicated for the treatment of ADHD by the FDA) is blockaded at the border of almost every nation on the planet because of its 'similarities' to street 'meth'. There are four million people dying in Thailand addicted to the government's substitute poisons, which is why they CONTROL the FDA medicine so effectively it's impossible to get but of course, you can find their poison dealers on every one of their corners. It's a similar situation in Australia.
In late 2009, I went to see a psych to get a prescription for Ambien (Stilnox) and walked out with a prescription for 'placebo' SSRIs (Prozac) as well as Wellbutrin because the doc said anyone who took Wellbutrin would no longer care for nicotine. I returned for followups once a month. After month 1, I said "this is bullshit, nothing is happening give me Ambien" and the doc said "give it more time". After month 2, I said "this is bullshit, nothing is happening give me Ambien" and the doc said "give it more time". After month 3, I said "THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT I NEED TO FUCKING SLEEP GIVE ME FUCKING AMBIEN" and the doc said "hmm possibly adverse reaction to the Wellbutrin, discontinue but keep up with the Prozac" and I stormed out his office to save his face.
From getting backhanded.
After another month of Prozac, it was January 2010 and I was reading TIME magazine and this article was in the Jan '10 issue in Bangkok at least, for some reason. I dumped all the Prozac and leftover Wellbutrin down the toilet.
Didn't feel any better, whatsoever. But I guess that's the point, innit?
In early 2011, I went to a psychiatrist to get a script for Ambien and walked out with a script for Seroquel (which is an anti-psychotic). I had reservations but the doc explained, he gives Seroquel "to everybody" (his words). He seemed to believe it was some miracle drug and I thought :whynot. Seroquel is the most potent narcotic I have ever taken in my life. On tiny doses, I slept for the majority of 8 days straight.
On the 9th day, I'd just taken 100mg when I heard or felt a buzzing sensation almost like the sensation you feel when you perforate an eardrum. I was trying to 'pop' my ears as if I was on an 747 coming in to land, without any luck. It was getting pretty painful and I was pretty tired so I lay down. I'm not entirely sure how much of the next 40 hours I dreamt or experienced but I was drifting in and out of sleep and my curtains were wide open during the middle of a Bangkok monsoon. I dreamt or imagined I was running around the outside of this highrise apartment block, getting pummelled by rain. I was terrified and trying to get down because the lightning was cracking over the top of the building and everything was metal. I couldn't find an open door or an elevator and I would run down stairs or climb down ladders only to find I'd somehow gone up levels. That was a fun 40 hours. A lot of fun.
I woke up in a bed drenched - like soaked - in sweat. I called the doc to tell him about what happened but he was disinterested or busy and wasn't fazed. I went in to see him in person and told him and he brushed it away saying there's no chance it was the Seroquel. I was - you might say - unconvinced. After 29 years, my first anti-psychotic gave me what sure felt like something I'd imagine a psychotic episode might feel like, call me crazy but it was the fucking Seroquel.
I stopped taking it immediately obviously and never experienced anything like that, since.
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2. what mental conditons, if any, have you been diagnosed or treated for
ADHD (but I have a theory that 100% of people have 'ADHD' or maybe you can can sit still and concentrate indefinitely?); and depression (but if you are not depressed in a world of Toddlers exploiting children, there is something REALLY wrong with you).
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i ask because you sound somewhat paranoid at times.
I'm a lot brighter than you are. I write about things you've never thought of. When you produce explanations for the hundreds of examples of evidence I post, then you can embarrass yourself. Until then, you might try being less obtuse.
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I hope i am not offending you.
I don't get offended. But you're being dense.
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I'm just asking you a logical question: Is it possible? Because the truly sick don't always know they are sick.
No shit. There are 7 billion people who are truly sick and don't know how emotionally damaged they are. They FEEL the moronic emotions that you feel. I work with logic and hard evidence. I have advanced cognitive abilities which I have proven exist beyond your capacity to fathom.
You FEEL things could be true that you have heard and cannot understand, cannot make a logical argument for or even justify beyond your emotional -gut- feel.
Don't be an imbecilic Catholic. I have not solicited your concern. When I do, you'll know about it. Until then, you should probably focus on raising the daughter you had without being able to answer the question of WHY?
As in, why did you bring her life into this world. I'm not saying it was a bad thing. But if you can't answer the question of why you had her, it was a mistake. This is not an opinion, this is a logical fact.
The problem with lurkers is that they have nothing invested into the conversation. What they are doing is essentially eavesdropping, which is rude.
That's not a logical argument and it's not even a sane sentiment. If it were up to me, the entire world would eavesdrop on the things I say.
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It's sick to lurk a forum you don't post on in my opinion, if you like the people and what's being discussed why not join in the fun?
You're not making an argument. You're just expressing how you FEEL. Who gives a fuck why they don't join in? They would have their reasons. Why would you attempt to coerce them into transmitting if all they're comfortable with doing is receiving? 99% of the world simply transmits without the intent or capacity to receive. I know which one is more sane, and you've been on the wrong side of that distinction for awhile now.
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It's either because the people reading are really just spying on us
What is this narcissistic delusional paranoia? You think people are interested in spying on you? Are you a covert operative? Listen to yourself.
No one cares about your dumb shit but you.
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or they are too timid to actually put their neck on the chopping block and see where the ax falls.
So? You would blockade their access to building up the confidence and ability to contribute, by virtue of their unwillingness to -fail- to contribute? That's a ridiculous position.
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I put in a lot of time and effort to become somewhat respected here
If you respected yourSelf, you wouldn't yearn for the R.E.S.P.E.C.T. of relative strangers on an Internet message board.
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it seems cheap IMO to deliver personal shit like what's discussed via PM to a bunch of unknown randoms.
It is very 'Selfish' to want to isolate my brilliant advice for your own exclusive benefit. I'm not sure where you got the idea we were "discussing" anything. There is nothing you can -teach- me. The benefits were flowing in one direction, and it's too limited to be acceptable. This world has a lot of people like you.
That's not a logical argument and it's not even a sane sentiment. If it were up to me, the entire world would eavesdrop on the things I say.
fwiw I agree, though let's be honest here, 2-3 billion would have killed themselves within a month, and then there's the issue of who will or won't listen in the first place...
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You're not making an argument. You're just expressing how you FEEL. Who gives a fuck why they don't join in? They would have their reasons. Why would you attempt to coerce them into transmitting if all they're comfortable with doing is receiving? 99% of the world simply transmits without the intent or capacity to receive. I know which one is more sane, and you've been on the wrong side of that distinction for awhile now.
I did make an argument, a very valid one. You are attempting to demean my position by acting like it isn't worth paying attention to. I do not like the idea of sharing personal thoughts and opinions on potentially sensitive matters (we are talking pm's in the first place) with absolute strangers. Admittedly your advice should be made available to more people, hmm...perhaps I am just being selfish afterall...still though sensitive is sensitive, not sure how to see that any other way. You are probably saying "stop sending me sensitive shit" and to that I suppose I will just continue to volley my emotional issues and let the chips fall where they may.
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What is this narcissistic delusional paranoia? You think people are interested in spying on you? Are you a covert operative? Listen to yourself.
Yes I am a covert operative, among other things. Trust me in my own delusional mind you would not believe how far from reality I get...
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So? You would blockade their access to building up the confidence and ability to contribute, by virtue of their unwillingness to -fail- to contribute? That's a ridiculous position.
Indeed...
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If you respected yourSelf, you wouldn't yearn for the R.E.S.P.E.C.T. of relative strangers on an Internet message board.
agreed
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It is very 'Selfish' to want to isolate my brilliant advice for your own exclusive benefit. I'm not sure where you got the idea we were "discussing" anything. There is nothing you can -teach- me. The benefits were flowing in one direction, and it's too limited to be acceptable. This world has a lot of people like you.
I did make an argument, a very valid one. You are attempting to demean my position by acting like it isn't worth paying attention to. I do not like the idea of sharing personal thoughts and opinions on potentially sensitive matters (we are talking pm's in the first place) with absolute strangers.
No. This is not an argument. You have yet to make a logical argument. You're only stating what you FEEL. Do I have to drag logic out of you?
You should be able to look at the above and instantly realise no logical argument has been made. If I have to spell it out for you:
1. Why do you not like the idea of sharing your personal thoughts? Are you embarrassed by your thoughts?
2. Why do you assert that your personal matters could be potentially sensitive? How so? Are you planning to change your history in the future and revision it or something?
No logical argument has been made yet, to justify your reservations. You just FEEL uncomfortable with the idea. Explain why, using LOGIC. Use hypothetical examples, if you have to.
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still though sensitive is sensitive, not sure how to see that any other way.
You cannot possibly write that sentence and not be alarmed by the ludicrous element of the circular fallacy. "The Bible is true." Proof? "The Bible said so."
3. Why do you FEEL your personal stuff is sensitive? Religion made you FEEL this way.
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You are probably saying "stop sending me sensitive shit" and to that I suppose I will just continue to volley my emotional issues and let the chips fall where they may.
No I don't give a fuck. I'm saying if you send me private shit which I bother to respond to, I will respond publicly. I don't send PMs. I respond to many, but not any more.
"And ye shall know the Truth, and the Vatican will look to clamp down on the leaks."
I'm a lot brighter than you are. I write about things you've never thought of. When you produce explanations for the hundreds of examples of evidence I post, then you can embarrass yourself. Until then, you might try being less obtuse.
I don't get offended. But you're being dense.
There are 7 billion people who are truly sick and don't know how emotionally damaged they are. They FEEL the moronic emotions that you feel. I work with logic and hard evidence. I have advanced cognitive abilities which I have proven exist beyond your capacity to fathom.
You FEEL things could be true that you have heard and cannot understand, cannot make a logical argument for or even justify beyond your emotional -gut- feel.
Don't be an imbecilic Catholic. I have not solicited your concern. When I do, you'll know about it. Until then, you should probably focus on raising the daughter you had without being able to answer the question of WHY?
As in, why did you bring her life into this world. I'm not saying it was a bad thing. But if you can't answer the question of why you had her, it was a mistake. This is not an opinion, this is a logical fact.
Little touchy there, but that Catholic imposition is so creepy; even if the Intent is decent. It's just so creepy when people who aren't in a position to be concerned for my mental health, express their concern that [they cannot understand me].
This, in the mind of most people, never translates into: "Maybe I should try harder to remedy my comprehensive deficiencies."
In this Catholic world where everyone already knows all of Knowledge, it translates into: "Are you okay? Maybe you should get mental help, so that you can FEEL like me."
I would be okay, if only...
If only yall were as -provably- sane as me, and/or could make logical arguments for why you FEEL the ways you FEEL, this world would be fucking Utopia.
In 2007, I was bribing psychiatrists in Manila to give me scripts of whatever I wanted. I mostly wanted Alprazolam (Xanax) and Diazepam (Valium). I was dependent on Alprazolam within weeks and by the end of the year, I was taking lots per day because your body builds up a resistance to poisons pretty quickly. I stopped taking Xanax by forced withdrawal in Christchurch, New Zealand when my mates waxed my entire stock and a beastly psychotic psychiatrist refused to give me any because he "didn't approve of Xanax use". I think I told that story somewhere. It was a pretty brutal couple of days.
I almost never take Diazepam and I have taken Alprazolam since but I was mostly using it for sleep until I realised I don't actually -need- to sleep until I am tired.
Throughout 2009 and 2010 I was cycling through all the ADHD meds trying to treat a condition I've been aware of since the age of 5. Mostly Ritalin but Ritalin is fucking dirty poison. I tried every other ADHD med available in Thailand and Australia during that time. They're all a piece of shit. Stattera was devastating because it's one of those LONG uptake meds (like 3 months to know if it's working - I personally think that's a crock of shit because if, after 10 weeks, I still feel zero benefits what kind of bullshit retardation makes a doc think something magical is going to happen in week 13, or 15, 17 or 19?). Around week 20, I fucked that shit off; it was giving me indigestion and heartburn and that's about it. I asked for Desoxyn but as you'd know, Desoxyn (indicated for the treatment of ADHD by the FDA) is blockaded at the border of almost every nation on the planet because of its 'similarities' to street 'meth'. There are four million people dying in Thailand addicted to the government's substitute poisons, which is why they CONTROL the FDA medicine so effectively it's impossible to get but of course, you can find their poison dealers on every one of their corners. It's a similar situation in Australia.
In late 2009, I went to see a psych to get a prescription for Ambien (Stilnox) and walked out with a prescription for 'placebo' SSRIs (Prozac) as well as Wellbutrin because the doc said anyone who took Wellbutrin would no longer care for nicotine. I returned for followups once a month. After month 1, I said "this is bullshit, nothing is happening give me Ambien" and the doc said "give it more time". After month 2, I said "this is bullshit, nothing is happening give me Ambien" and the doc said "give it more time". After month 3, I said "THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT I NEED TO FUCKING SLEEP GIVE ME FUCKING AMBIEN" and the doc said "hmm possibly adverse reaction to the Wellbutrin, discontinue but keep up with the Prozac" and I stormed out his office to save his face.
From getting backhanded.
After another month of Prozac, it was January 2010 and I was reading TIME magazine and this article was in the Jan '10 issue in Bangkok at least, for some reason. I dumped all the Prozac and leftover Wellbutrin down the toilet.
Didn't feel any better, whatsoever. But I guess that's the point, innit?
In early 2011, I went to a psychiatrist to get a script for Ambien and walked out with a script for Seroquel (which is an anti-psychotic). I had reservations but the doc explained, he gives Seroquel "to everybody" (his words). He seemed to believe it was some miracle drug and I thought :whynot. Seroquel is the most potent narcotic I have ever taken in my life. On tiny doses, I slept for the majority of 8 days straight.
On the 9th day, I'd just taken 100mg when I heard or felt a buzzing sensation almost like the sensation you feel when you perforate an eardrum. I was trying to 'pop' my ears as if I was on an 747 coming in to land, without any luck. It was getting pretty painful and I was pretty tired so I lay down. I'm not entirely sure how much of the next 40 hours I dreamt or experienced but I was drifting in and out of sleep and my curtains were wide open during the middle of a Bangkok monsoon. I dreamt or imagined I was running around the outside of this highrise apartment block, getting pummelled by rain. I was terrified and trying to get down because the lightning was cracking over the top of the building and everything was metal. I couldn't find an open door or an elevator and I would run down stairs or climb down ladders only to find I'd somehow gone up levels. That was a fun 40 hours. A lot of fun.
I woke up in a bed drenched - like soaked - in sweat. I called the doc to tell him about what happened but he was disinterested or busy and wasn't fazed. I went in to see him in person and told him and he brushed it away saying there's no chance it was the Seroquel. I was - you might say - unconvinced. After 29 years, my first anti-psychotic gave me what sure felt like something I'd imagine a psychotic episode might feel like, call me crazy but it was the fucking Seroquel.
I stopped taking it immediately obviously and never experienced anything like that, since.
ADHD (but I have a theory that 100% of people have 'ADHD' or maybe you can can sit still and concentrate indefinitely?); and depression (but if you are not depressed in a world of Toddlers exploiting children, there is something REALLY wrong with you).
I'm a lot brighter than you are. I write about things you've never thought of. When you produce explanations for the hundreds of examples of evidence I post, then you can embarrass yourself. Until then, you might try being less obtuse.
I don't get offended. But you're being dense.
No shit. There are 7 billion people who are truly sick and don't know how emotionally damaged they are. They FEEL the moronic emotions that you feel. I work with logic and hard evidence. I have advanced cognitive abilities which I have proven exist beyond your capacity to fathom.
You FEEL things could be true that you have heard and cannot understand, cannot make a logical argument for or even justify beyond your emotional -gut- feel.
Don't be an imbecilic Catholic. I have not solicited your concern. When I do, you'll know about it. Until then, you should probably focus on raising the daughter you had without being able to answer the question of WHY?
As in, why did you bring her life into this world. I'm not saying it was a bad thing. But if you can't answer the question of why you had her, it was a mistake. This is not an opinion, this is a logical fact.
Thanks for the the frank answers.
As for my daughter, in this country, I had no role in deciding if she was born or not. Her mother got to decide her fate, not me. We were not even married at the time. When I knew she was coming, I set out to make life as good as I possibly could for her. Then I realized that the only way I am ever happy is in the service of others that I am biologically related to. This may or may not be "logical" but certainly there is a possible strong biological connection to the strong desire to care for offspring. It is the one thing I do where i feel satisfied and happy at the end of the day. I wasn't looking for children. I only decided to make a positive out of a situation i had no legal control. Now that i have had a child i want more. i want a son. It is a selfish desire that someone without offspring they have cared for could not possibly understand. I believe the root of these desires to be biological to help propagate the species. Similar to getting hungry when you need food. Maybe food is not logical. Maybe life is not logical. Maybe it is.
The problem with lurkers is that they have nothing invested into the conversation. What they are doing is essentially eavesdropping, which is rude. It's sick to lurk a forum you don't post on in my opinion, if you like the people and what's being discussed why not join in the fun? It's either because the people reading are really just spying on us or they are too timid to actually put their neck on the chopping block and see where the ax falls. I put in a lot of time and effort to become somewhat respected here, it seems cheap IMO to deliver personal shit like what's discussed via PM to a bunch of unknown randoms.
Honestly man, you don't want most lurkers chiming in.... You should never assume most people have an opinion that is worth hearing. Few do.
Now that i have had a child i want more. i want a son. It is a selfish desire that someone without offspring they have cared for could not possibly understand. I believe the root of these desires to be biological to help propagate the species. Similar to getting hungry when you need food. Maybe food is not logical. Maybe life is not logical. Maybe it is.
I raised my siblings. I understand more than you'd think. But there needs to be a transaction element that can be clearly identifiable.
And I don't buy this biological bullshit one bit, because if you and your wife had a baby boy and the boy was swapped over by stoner or otherwise demented housewives without your realising it, you would feel the identical way as you'd have felt if the child had not been switched.
Meaning, your argument against adoption hasn't been made.
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