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Old 06-01-2012, 08:34 PM   #31
SkyNigger
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Steerpike View Post
Saving Face is a very good title, what an utterly absurd credo it is to live by.

Yeah it's so demented. But they take it ridiculously seriously; they get really emotional about it. It's like "politeness" on steroids.

Quote:
I can't remember if I was told this story or if I was the teller but it has happened to me, if you stop to ask an Asian the way to your destination THEY WILL GIVE YOU DIRECTIONS WHETHER THEY KNOW WHERE YOU NEED TO GO OR NOT, because to admit they don't know will mean they 'lose face' and of course you'll follow these directions and get more lost and pull over and ask another innocent looking local if he could possibly help as you're lost and now quite late for your appointment and of course he probably doesn't know where you're going either but he's damned if he's going to lose face to a foreigner and he'll send you on your way with a smile.

ROFL yeah that happens all the time. It drives people nuts because they think they've been fucked with but it's not malicious. It's just Saving Face. So demented.

In a NotTheNation (satire) article after the riots:

Quote:



BANGKOK – Several foreign correspondentswere spotted in the skies over Bangkok today, parachuting in to the capital the day after the crisis subsided in order to file one report and bolster their resumes. Upon landing they were seen looking disoriented and asking passersby for the way to “Bang, bang? Shoot, shoot? This way?”

After getting pointed in opposite directions by helpful, nodding Thais, and walking in circles for several blocks, they then jumped into a tuk tuk which ground to a halt in rush-hour traffic for over an hour. Then one journalist suggested taking the “elevated rail” to “Democracy Monument”.

Finally reaching the nearest fire, a smoldering noodle shop on Rama IV, they piggy-backed on the hard work of locally based correspondents who had been covering the story for months and years, been shot at and risked their lives.

With the cameras rolling before the last embers faded, the journalists filed wildly discursive and incongruous stories about the crisis: one, on how an extremely Buddhist, forever peaceful and unified nation steeped in pacifist principles had combusted overnight, another on how Thailand is a monarchy famous for its spicy food, prostitution and elephants, and the final one, in flak jacket and helmet, on how the lese majeste laws enforced by “King Phoopiphan Dulyjej” prevented him from reporting openly from “this civil war-torn Asian metropolis” as several people drank beer nearby.

The journalists were reportedly flying out early tomorrow.



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  exactly
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Old 06-01-2012, 10:12 PM   #32
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nice! bang bang shoot shoot is in theaters in bangkok? that movie is underrated
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Old 06-01-2012, 10:38 PM   #33
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I dislike satire.
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Old 06-02-2012, 04:24 AM   #34
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Quote:
Looking too deeply. She just wanted to bum a smoke.

rofl that's sounds accurate. I was just pissed off because the last few years I really seem to attract scumbags trying to get over on me...ok the last 31 years thats been regular BUT I have been working to turn things around-up until this person punked me for my smoke. All in my head, as usual though.

Quote:
Jesse?

Trying so hard to believe you care and aren't baiting me out with this sucker punch of a life's confession for the amusement of sonatine (and a few others probably)....

Quote:
Once awkwardness has been introduced into a relationship for any reason, it's very very hard to ever again be relaxed or "at ease" alone with that person.

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Because you're missing your sense of Self. If you had your sense of Self, you wouldn't give a fuck about his dumb awkwardness or his hangups or why he can't be comfortable around his own son.

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In his mind, there is no point in his having a relationship with you; what do you NEED him for, etc.

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You hating yourSelf is a result of your imagined NEED to be loved by a man who failed you. It was no less his 'fault' than your mother's.

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You're imagining the hatred.

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you're only imposing on him because Society made you think you NEED a relationship with the Toddler who was your biological parent. You don't.

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You might even remind him of the woman who destroyed him.

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You shouldn't FEEL emotion in regards to him, at all. It's not your 'fault' that he's a Selfless Toddler who doesn't know how to connect with other human beings who value him for himSelf; he simply wouldn't understand what role he's supposed to play in your life and that's what it all comes down to, really. Catholics make everyone lie all the time (initially to be 'sweet') and the end result is everyone is role-playing.

These may be the truest words I have ever heard.

My mother disagrees with you (she reads everything) and says because she left him for another man he resents her deeply and this has created a rift between the two of us as he sees her in me and can't face the shame of his inadequacy.

I tend to agree with you, his hatred for my mother certainly plays a part, but in truth from as far back as I can remember I hardly ever connected with the man. He is probably just very socially awkward....well that sounds like me then, doesn't it...

So my question then is this- you eluded to it, but point blank- should I literally want nothing to do with the man and throw a flower on his casket someday? Good riddance and all that stiff upper lip stuff?

What am I to do if I have children, do I not introduce them to their grandfather?

I kind of feel like, if I don't try (real hard if I must) to create some kind of bonded relationship with the man before he goes (which might be very soon) I will always regret it.

As far as money goes I fancy my dad well off right now, though I do not think he was always in such a position. i literally have never talked about money with him or any other person because I never had any of it, and neither did my family. It has always been taboo, something we really need but don't want, so I've never asked.

Strangest thing, this past trip, he showed me his 4 year degree. Which he just got, 3 years ago, and never fucking said a word about it, to me or anyone else.

wtf

You mentioned a lacking sense of self, this idea intrigues me, go on please...

And sister, sister...i have a half sister named lindsy that I hardly know. Different mothers and all that. She looks like me with tits and blond hair that hasn't been shaved for a decade. There was some kind of long standing resentment on the side of my sisters mom toward my mom that eventually poisoned the family such that I literally- at 31 years of age- have never lived more than 20 miles from my only sister and yet I have spent a total of ~4 hours in proximity to her. I literally do not know her.

Not sure that situation can be fixed either. I have tried communicating with her over the years and she always flakes on me, blows me off etc. You can pick your nose but not your family as they say...

Something is very wrong here-I have heard this tune before, it sounds kind of like this:

"IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD MIKE, YOU CRAZY BASTARD."

I don't want to face any more damned reality right now, but- am I schizophrenic or something? Paranoid delusions are common for me, I literally cannot go a week without imagining my friends are really out to get me, my father hates me and all this rubbish.

has it really all been in my head? is this real illness here, something I might need medication for?

meaning, can it be fixed?

Comments
  
  what do you expect when a chick asks for a cig? marriage, blowjob? i mean really. weird perspective you have on life
  
  really though you need to realize every moment of life is not of life or death import
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Old 06-02-2012, 05:15 PM   #35
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Time to open the "reppat life coach forum"
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Old 06-02-2012, 05:36 PM   #36
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408 I think that whole story is a message to stop smoking. Either that, or stop buying smokes and start to live off bummed cigarettes. TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK.

You also seem to attract friends of questionable merit. You pretty much just gotta realize most people are borderline worthless. Lower your expectations without becoming bitter at life. If you become bitter, you've lost. Having these high expectations of people and interactions just sets you up for failure.
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Old 06-02-2012, 05:41 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apes of Wrath
You have said no one is asking you the right questions....

If you were tasked with the impossible- healing the entire human race, every last person, just reversing all of the insanity selfishness and chaos that is corrupting it's guts from the inside out-

Where would you start?

It's impossible because you have to start at the start, which is [0 - 0.75 - x] years before a human child is born (where x is age of the mother at time of birth).

Whilst the above is true, of course it's not accurate. More accurately, [0 - 0.75 - x - y] years before a human child is born (where x is the age of the mother at time of birth and y is the age of her mother at time of her birth). It's still not accurate though.

To be more accurate, you'd have to start at [0 - 0.75 - x - y - z] years before the child is born. And so on.

If humans were not brainwashed by religion's filthy poisonous retardation and weren't so stupid that they thought life was about taking advantage of religious disparities...if women were never exploited by imbecilic religious male Toddlers, the human race right now would be...it's incomprehensible. The horror is incomprehensible.

Look at what humanity has done in spite of religion's universal emotional corruption, only in the last century or so.

Human ingenuity has been responsible for every inch of progress. Mere inches, rather than the light years of progress which have never been allowed to occur. For thousands of years, religions have been killing children who were a threat long before the children were old enough to realise they could be a threat to evil. That's how you hold onto power for 1500 years, by the way (if you were wondering, and you should be). Religion hobbles children. And then they kill the ones who, in spite of being hobbled, limp ahead to drag humanity forward.

Human ingenuity drives humanity forward, inch by inch. Religion only wants to scream everyone back.

Religion is driven by horribly-abused children who grow up into Middle Men of God/s. All they want & need is more and more power, because they don’t understand the value of persuasion & rejection. They don't get "free will". They believe it exists to be corrupted into malleability. All they want is to control more and more robots, because they are not human and have no understanding of what an interconnected humanity is worth, in terms of value. All they want is power. So they make robots out of human children.

There is only one efficient way to -get- power and that is to trick human children into wanting to die for your illusions instead of living for their own happiness. Religion retards billions of magical, miraculous human minds so that they become emotional, demented dogs.

Quote:
Heena Khan wrote:
70% christan man are gayyyy an they believe in bulshit book which name as bible which is equal to fake n people knows that an by creating photos they dnt believes in there god ,n who they r to create a crtoon of mohammad sws if u have a gurds then cum openly have a fight n we will see who wins u all things that it will afect our belive then u r wrong if u will kill us then also our last word will ''lailaha illallha mohamad rasululla ''

rahul khanna wrote, in response to Heena Khan:
dont worry dear 1 day u ll be among many wives of 1 muslim man ,good luck for that day u ll get to enjoy highly experienced man therby will be treated as a bitch

Zainab Javed Khan wrote:
umm so y dont u hang up your religion n hence there shall be peace evrywhere... shameless creatures.

rahul khanna wrote, in response to Zainab Javed Khan:
rather u shld do it. wat sort of teaching is dis bombing ,rape, terrorism and why is der so much of violence in middle east...fact is that muslims are input of terrorism and outcome is thay are hurted the most,why all of muslim countries bomb in their state so much ....

Abdul wrote:
a nature devaint u fuck your hindu is bitch religion

rahul khanna wrote, in response to Abdul:
god forgive him

rahul khanna wrote, in response to Heena Khan:
ohh really so u ve experienced many . fully prepared to be married to a man with many wives

Zainab Javed Khan wrote:
fuck this non muslim bastards who dont no nethng abt islam... we live u on allah n he shall look after you... cuz its useless tokng to yahudis n dis chritsians ...

Chishti wrote, in response to Zainab Javed Khan:
Allah is only an imagination. He can neither harm any one nor benefit any one. This Universe is governed by the laws and forces of nature dear Zainab. Why don't you muslims and christians study Science it will help you people come out of false and stupid beliefs. And will aid peace on earth.

abdulazizandjaani wrote:
ARE U AGREE WT UR WORD DAMM AND DO U BLEAVE IN RELETIONS IF U DONT HAD SEX WITH UR SISTER AND MOTHER SO PLEASE MIND UR LANGUAGE DIRTY UGLY INSECT.

rahul khanna wrote, in response to abdulazizandjaani:
sex with mother and sisters is among the teaching by muhammed and its regularly proved my muslim as they marry in their blood relatives ....shit mann ....soon there will be a day when u ll marry ya mother and sister as marrying to ya daughter is law is legal in islam like wat mohammed did

Muhammad Asyraf wrote:
when the kuffar said that the titanic cant be sinked even by god....see how allah sank the titanic just with a small iceberg.. and when the named the spaceship "the chalenger"....who do you want to challenge?ALLAH? see how long can you challenge ALLAH....just right after the kuffar launched it.....it blasted up.....this is what happens when you challenge ALLAH SUBHANA HUA TA'LA

This discussion goes for thousands of pages like this. There are millions of discussions identical to this at this very moment. This is humanity?

No. These are emotionally-tortured beasts who are 5000 years old. Look at that blistering logic. It doesn’t need to make sense, if you’re talking nonsense to a baby. It was Allah who sank the Titanic. His molester told him so.

Religious creeps inject their insanity into the pure & innocent minds of children with their Holy Books, and they do this 100% intentionally and 100% maliciously. They think they're being crafty. They were abused when they were children. Now it's their turn. The horror has been self-perpetuating for thousands of years. The entire world is raised to believe it’s crafty to take advantage of anyone you can; and everyone is too stupid to remember when they were on the wrong side of religious disparities, if only by 7 billion to 0. Because Toddlers are all demented, it usually means they can only molest those they ostensibly care about.

We kill those we love, with our love.

This is how you make human slaves. Religion has perfected optimality, in terms of manufacturing slaves. They inflict pain onto the children of humanity expressly to infect them with their filthy shame they were infected with [and nothing breeds shame like shame]. They inject their filthy emotional root-kits into children (honour, respect, loyalty, nobility, heroism, bravery, love, offence, self-sacrifice) so that they don’t need to -convince- children to be insane down the line.

5000 years of dying for king and country, killing for causes and ideals, dying for flags or killing for colours, dying for symbols and killing supporters of other commercial sporting franchises, dying for brand names and killing for illusions fabricated by religious minds; everyone is dying and killing because they’re -batshit- insane.

They think that's the Secret to Happiness.

They’re obsessed with identity because they have no Self. They scream their needy because they’re emotional zombies. But there is no hope. This demented asylum cannot be made to be sane. The rules of the game have been irrevocably corrupted. The world will never stop breeding pain. The exploitation of children will continue long after everyone who reads this has died.

Sanity is not exploitable. But the insane are too stupid to know that. The sane have no need for billions and trillions of dollars or nuclear arsenals or satellites that can read the text you’re reading right now, from space. They don’t need to, of course; every computer system on the entire planet has been meticulously structured to ensure your technology can be controlled, remotely. Almost certainly, you're 'operating' their systems (you only believe you own them) from virtual servers physically located elsewhere in the country or even on another continent.

None of this is even all that subtle. It took me mere weeks to start asking the right questions about firmware. Zero answers in over a year but this is a world where people are too stupid to understand why questions aren’t answered. You cannot make a logical case to the insane. They have no interest in logic and they don’t believe they have any need for compelling arguments. They worked their entire lives to get the power to force you to do what they want, so you need to do what they tell you to do, OKAY!?

They're too stupid to understand why they're miserable; they're too busy eroding the free will of children, brainwashing everyone into submission and slavery, making robots out of humans and patting themselves on the back for how brilliantly they’ve failed at sanity. They can buy anything they want, they can make anyone do anything they want them to do, they can flick their fingers and order a guided missile into your family’s living room and blast the limbs off the torsos of your children but you know what they cannot do?

They cannot be happy.

They haven’t the first clue how to have fun; they think fun = killing robot slaves. They’re not happy. They wouldn’t even know what it looks like. They work too hard. They kill too many. They lie too much. Happy people don’t need to do any of these things. But they'll kill you before they'll let you pop the bubbles they live in; and they have to live in fortified little bubbles in order to keep out the riff-raff, the proles, the gutter trash, the misery, the pain, the slaves and the demented needy screaming of the emotionally insane robots they've made billions of identical copies of. Our overlords live private lives, mired in unthinkable layers upon layers of rationalisation and denial and lies they told themselves to facilitate the achievement of long-since forgotten aims.

But the lies don't go away.

I know what drives them. I know what they’re thinking and how they think and why. I know the kinds of lies brilliant but corrupted minds trick themselves with, in order to justify the unthinkable. The magical word is utilitarianism. They tell themselves it's for the best. Look if they didn't do it, someone else would. At least they’re....

And just like that, they’re off the rails. The instant you start rationalising your evil as being preferable to other evils, your argument has become a trainwreck.

I know their sickness, because I was sick like they are. At 23, I was sick to death of the misery of humans who aren't interested in lifting themselves up out of the gutter - they just want to drag everyone down into the muck, and smear their faeces all over everyone else. They’ll scream if you forget to toss them the crumbs they’ve become accustomed to. A MP3 player, an new iPhone, a new 'hit' television series to teach them how to feel. All they want is to be entertained.

Yes, it is a fucking problem. They want to have their cake and smear it all over their filthy child-breeding faces as well. They want to be entertained and they want to breed. They don't want to learn. They just want what they want, OKAY!?

All their Toddler brains can understand is emotional insanity; nothing you say needs to be logical. It doesn’t even need to make sense. They’re not able to give you a definition of insanity, but I can tell you how they define it.

What they feel is sane. What they don’t feel is insane. Simple.

They know all of knowledge already. They have nothing to learn. Nothing to gain. They're too stupid for anyone to see coming. Too horrifying. Anything they don’t understand is also insane. Use a six-letter or a three-syllable word at your peril.

I’m not being trite. People will threaten to kill you if they imagine you’re mocking them with words that aren't in their vocabulary. This used to confuse me, because why did they think I would use subterfuge? So I would mock them for real because HOW ELSE WILL THEY LEARN. They would imagine pain so I would make their imagined pain a great deal more painful. Whatever you can imagine, I can imagine it more...vividly? If you imagine offence, I can show you how to be more offended than you could ever have imagined you could be. Of course, I always thought I was a great deal more hilarious than I imagine I actually was. Looking back, I suspect I was creating an accidental imprinting effect with my terror. And the imbeciles would get raucous with their laughter because, you know snivelling rats and how they think.

“Better him than me.”

Toddlers are so fucking offensive with their stupidity, it’s hilarious. There’s a story in this month’s Esquire (Philippines) that sums up the exploitation of religious offence so perfectly, I burst out laughing. I was in public, so of course - hah, the irony - people were offended. They thought I was laughing at them. Not sure why, what with the magazine in my hands and my obvious failure to give a fuck about whether or not they existed. Oh, and the impossibly likely chance that not a single one of them has ever been -funny- in their entire. fucking. life.

The article I’m quoting from is “Cloud Atlas: The nomadic Filipino artist David Medalla”.

Quote:
Kinetic art’s spiritual home was Signals, the London showroom of the avant-garde, which Medalla ran with Paul Keeler. When it closed, he held exhibits at Indica, where William Burroughs and John Lennon would hang out, and where Lennon met Yoko Ono, which whom Medalla was very good friends. “I helped arrange their first exhibition together,” Medalla recounts. The macrobiotic Ono would only eat apples and vinegar. he and Ono were usually grouped together, along with a third “Oriental”, in the British art scene. “Until we had a sort of falling out - she went off with John and left her baby with her husband and me. That’s not on. She was an adulteress!”

Can you spot the insanity?

Quote:
He’s also had an incident with Burroughs that could very well be apocryphal, except that it’s not. At a show at the Indica Gallery, Burroughs took one look at a Mud Machine and said, “Ahh, the flowers of evil.” Medalla retorted, “William, do you mind shutting your mouth?” because nobody was going to buy the “flowers of evil”. They didn’t speak for years. Medalla saw Burroughs towards the end of his life at an exhibition of Brion Gysin. Francis Bacon also happened to be there, and asked Medalla why he was ignoring Burroughs. Medalla confronted the author about the insult so many years ago. Burroughs replied, “I was praising your art. Have you not heard of Baudelaire?” The Fleurs du Mal equation only meant that his work was a turning point in sculpture. Medalla felt duly stupid, but chided Burroughs and said he should’ve just used the French.

That story is so fucking amazing because the -levels- of the insanity are just...well, they’re almost generic. Can you spot them all? Seven instances, by my count. I’d be duly impressed if you can get them all.

I’d be delighted if you could find even more.

That is because I am sane. I drag people up and I expect those above to drag me up, regardless of how utterly rare that phenomenon truly is in this world of shrewd, secret-keeping, truth-withholding, intellect-patenting, misinformation-releasing, Toddler coy.

We live in a world of seven billion insane imbeciles like David Medalla. They make excuses for their unhappiness. They make excuses for their incapacity. They make excuses for their insanity. And in between their horrifying excuses, they lash out with their vile religious filth; smearing their faeces over people like Burroughs (who one imagines can handle it) and people like me (who, for at least a quarter of a century, could not). Their cursed filthy emotional butthurt. They reach down into their soiled underpants, stick their fingers up their asshole, dig around until they can find a good chunk of religious faeces they can use to smear all over your face. They’re insane, but they cannot win.

They just force everyone to lose.

And they don’t -want- to get better. They don’t give a fuck. They just want to fuck. Occasionally dabble in a little coercion. Just a little forcible persuasion. Just some harmless date rape.

Hilarious trivia re: the David Medalla story. He’s gay.

The concluding paragraph of the article sums up the insanity of imbeciles like him perfectly, if unintentionally.

Quote:
Yet despite his achievements, his output, his innovativeness and his audacity, he has always been considered a “marginal artist” - marginal to the British establishment, at least. Perhaps it’s his Third World status, coming from a position that questions, contests and ultimately threatens Western hegemonic culture.

I was almost on the floor laughing at this hilarity. Yeah, I’m sure that’s the reason he wasn’t taken seriously. It couldn’t possibly be due to the fact that he’s a batshit insane victim of Catholic emotional horror, smearing his ignorant emotional faeces over people like Burroughs.

But I'm sure it's because he's a threat. His insanity would have had nothing to do with the ultimate failure of his entire life.
_____________

The ultimate failure of mine began ~5000 years ago but got really ugly a couple decades before I was born. A couple decades after I was born, humanity was in a world of trouble on account of me; as a result of their insane shrewd. It’s hard for Toddlers to understand these things but I was 23 and I didn’t think very highly of myself. All I knew is that I was the brightest person in almost every room I walked into. I didn’t think very highly of myself for that reason. Anyone who isn’t a moron would know exactly what I’m talking about.

Being bright in a world of demented Toddlers is not easy. You are forced into endless untenable situations. You can tell toddlers Truth and they will scream at you. You can tell them lies, exploit them, beat them mercilessly, eviscerate them and destroy them and they will worship you. At the time, I had no real interest in the latter but I was sick to death of the former. Toddlers didn’t care. They just smirked.

Toddlers were smirking at me every day when I’d ask them to tell me what I’d done wrong or what I could improve. They declined. They didn’t have to show their working, they just -felt- I wasn’t suitable for the company they were conducting employment interviews for. I was bright. I was hard-working. I had a stellar resume. I was well-presented. And yet, strangely, I was unemployable. I got knocked back from something like 50-80 interviews and these were primarily for minimum wage jobs because I was desperate and staring down the barrel of living on the street. That wasn’t going to happen but I was maybe two to three days away from that - not - happening.

Things were very dark and I was sick to death of this filthy, sleazy world where no one ever feels compelled to “show their working”. I begged every interviewer for feedback; would it kill them to tell me what I did wrong so I could fix it for the next interview? They seemed to believe it might; they all declined to comment. I walked out of interview after interview in shock. I was an academic star at ADFA, with an honourable discharge on conscientious grounds from my commission in the RAAF, I had a folio of work performance awards dating back to my first month of work at 14 where I was given Crew Member of the Month and Rookie of the Month in the same month and I was excited waiting for them to give me money or something but no, they seemed to be believe I could eat their patronising pride of my performance - fucking imbeciles - I worked inside a McDonalds store, the franchise owner of which paid my salary, but I have never worked for anyone but myself.

I must have had one of the most perfect resumes you'd ever see but I was - for all intents and purposes - fucking unemployable. I couldn’t even get a menial labour, minimum wage, degrading job. No one would tell me why. My friends were disinterested. I was spinning rapidly out of control but at the time, it felt like I was spinning into control. I was finding reasons to no longer give a fuck about ethics and decency and, without realising it, I was looking for excuses to ditch the restrictions protecting a world of exploitable imbeciles from my capacity. I was staring down the barrel of starving to death but that wasn’t going to happen. I was maybe two to three days away from that - not - happening.

I was about to take control.

And this effectively meant humanity was in a great deal of trouble, without realising it. My mind was all fury. My body was hungry. Emotionally, I’d reached the limits of my capacity to tolerate sleaze and I was ready to start killing creeps. In contempt, fury and rage at the snivelling I was years away from understanding, things had gotten really quite grave when a miracle of sanity punctured through the darkness and obliterated the pain.

A three-year-old toddler was tugging at my jeans as I was fuming silently at the insanity of two specific religious creeps. I was forced to be cordial and polite with these horrible beasts as per our mutual 'agreement'; which I stupidly believed had saved the lives of my little siblings (at the time). The deal was more or less this: "The past would be forgiven if the future would not raise the need to forgive, again.”

I felt something hit my shin and I looked away from the past and down at the future kicking me, annoyed. My baby sister had been trying, in vain, to get my attention. So she kicked me. I adored her. But I was distracted, in disgust at her parents. I cared about her though, so I bent down to see what she wanted.

She wanted to play. I wasn’t really in the mood. I had big problems, bodies were going to start dropping very soon. It really wasn’t a good time. But she persisted so I made an exception, for her. I was trying to do her a favour when she was trying to tell me something very unimportant.

It might have been the most important thing anyone has ever told me, lifetime. A coincidence, probably. But I dunno. There were a lot of coincidences with Mandy. Children are brighter than Toddler grownups, in many ways. They have intuition that the emotionally-insane will never have, and couldn’t possibly understand. My baby sister wanted to give me an incredibly coincidental message.

"Knock knock."

I sighed and said "Who's there?"

She looked at me like I was stupid, and said "Why, nobody silly. It's just a joke!"
___________

God I loved her. She was light in a world of darkness. Sanity in a world of misery screamed by the insane. Purity in a world of filthy feigned precocious. She was interested in everything and everyone, and she was a whip. So fucking sharp, she’d take my breath away, routinely.

Until that moment, the insanity of this world had been smashing me and I was sick to death of it. I had no idea it was all steeped in religious tradition. Almost no one I came into contact with was religious. The few that were, I sent scurrying away; their demonic tails between their moronic legs. Incapable of understanding it, I was unable to make sense of it; and so it caused me to become seriously ill. Religious insanity is potently viral; but I had no idea that I had been infected with their emotional poisons.

That is, until a tiny little girl saw me steaming in fury at her parents, and decided I needed to chill out. Prior to that, almost every person who'd tried to 'help' me had been either an imbecile who wasn't bright enough to have a fucking clue about anything or - vastly more likely - an imbecile spraying their faeces across my face, in lieu of gratitude. I deserved this, of course. I had helped them with gentle Truth. I’d been delicate. And this will always be a mistake.

It’s very hard to help anyone in this demented world, but if you think it makes sense to get down in the gutter with their emotional faeces in order to help them -ease- out of their misery, you’d better be prepared for misery and you will deserve it. You’ll be making a big mistake. Victims of religion do not respond to subtlety. All they understand is emotional communication. If you have to fake it, then fake it; but they will not give a flying fuck unless you get angry. You'll need to frighten them. You'll need to yell. You'll have to smash the buttons that make them scream in pain. You have to make them hurt. You have to crack the whip across their face or you’ll be wasting your time.

The only people I’ve ever helped have been those I no longer gave a fuck about. When you couldn't care less if someone lives or dies, then - and only then, I suspect - can you can whip their filthy face with reality. Because the truth will hurt anyone who has been 'living' in lies for their entire life.

If you do it right, they’ll wake up. Or they’ll commit suicide. It’s effectively win / win. The only way you can fail is if you're unprepared to whip them with Truth. If you're unwilling to hurt them, you cannot help them. No matter what you do, you'll be doing it wrong. You will just fail over a long(er) period of time. To effectively help someone, you have to be prepared to kill them otherwise they simply will not respond. I have never -once- managed to get a response trying to gently resuscitate.

And this is how I have failed, and will fail, in the end. Unwilling to risk killing the mother of those I cared about immensely, I was forced to gently plead with a monster instead. I tip-toed around her insanity. I awkwardly begged her not to kill them. I wrung my hands, I fretted. I agonised. I couldn’t pull the trigger.

I watched them die in front of my eyes and, unable to cope with the horror I was helpless to protect them from, I ran away. I couldn't bear to watch the horror.

And now they're dead.

Which means I’m doing it again.

I’m a coward. Aside from a few instances where apathy permitted my delivering the brutal jolt of painful Truth needed by every victims of religious lies, I have always been pathetically incapable of doing the right thing when it mattered. The indecision of sanity will always be defeated by the horrifying certainty of the insane. We cannot win this game because insanity is committed to forcing a loss. The illness that would have afforded me the capacity to start dropping bodies was cured by a toddler so full of life, I understand perfectly why the lifeless carcasses of religion -want- to breed.

Damn them all to hell.

Mandy and the others died in front of my eyes and there was nothing I could do to save her, except permanently silence those she’d been made to love. I knew what needed to be done but I couldn’t do it.

And that’s how my siblings died.

Which means I’m doing it again.

I know that ultimately, I will die a miserable failure for this reason. I cannot hurt my little siblings, something blocks my capacity to intervene. Whenever I made plans to, I would crumble into a ridiculous, quivering mess. I cannot take risks when they need to be taken. I’m not wrong, but what if I was...

What if...

If only.

Indecision.

Incapacity.

Inaction.

They’re dead, I’m sure of it. The light has gone out of their eyes. Everyone would think they’re still alive, of course. Imbeciles who know nothing about life who think life is all about suffering until you’re old enough to get married, living and working in misery and boredom until you find someone to latch onto for life. Failing that, for long enough to create life in order to suck the life out of your creations. Damn them all to hell.

So needy. So transparent. So miserable. It’s so fucking illogical to make children believe their lives should be spent trying to please filthy creeps.

You’re all imbeciles. A child who strives to please anyone but themselves will only ever please sleazy creeps and lovers of demented robots. The sane will never be pleased by those who suffer to please. The only thing that will ever please someone who is sane would be everyone - at all times - only ever acting in their own best interests.

It’s all you could ever want, if you were sane. But you’re not.

It’s all I’ve ever asked for, even when I was insane. But I’m not.

It’s all I’ve ever failed at doing, whether I was sane or not.

Quote:
Where does the healing start for everyone?

5000 years ago. That's the horrifying, but correct, answer.

A shitty workaround would require your acting in your own best interests which means you have to act in the best interests of those who have been screamed insane by religion. To get all your options back, you have to be prepared to violently silence the screams and lies of the insane and you have to be prepared to brutally shock Truth back into the carcasses of their victims in an attempt to bring them back to life. It’s risky.

People live in bubbles of denial for a reason. Their reasoning is illogical, but waking them up requires courage which I do have; except not, it would seem, when it truly matters. I can live with the Truth and I can give Truth to miserable wretches without giving a flying fuck about their demented -feelings- or their predictably filthy responses and I've never credited their moronic 'opinions' but I am utterly incapable of giving Truth to my siblings; because I’m petulant and it’s just not fair.

In a sane world there wouldn’t be any horror in reality. Everyone would simply tell the Truth all the time.

But this is a world of fantasy and denial and lies, for religious reasons. My siblings have had the life sucked out of them by victims of religion, which means they ‘live’ in bubbles of ‘sweet’ fantasy and lies and emotional styrofoam. I can’t pop those bubbles, it would hurt them. And in that sense, I’ve always been a victim of religion. I’m incapable of taking action when it actually matters.

The insane hurt and kill with pious certainty but the sane are helpless to respond. Decency has been getting slaughtered for 5000 years like this and we’ll never win. We’re just marking out time. The game could be won if everyone who screams their demented pain at innocents were silenced. That's...very nearly everyone.

It’ll never happen. So we’ve already lost. The game was over a long time ago. Toddlers just won’t stop breeding is all; so we are forced to play macabre periods of miserable overtime.

Those I love are dead, and I’m incapable of doing anything that might hurt them.

And so I will die pretending there isn’t a chance I could bring them back to life.
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Old 06-02-2012, 05:56 PM   #38
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Make me the happiest boy in the world Joel. Marry me and make me Ms. Robuchon. <3
 
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sounds like somebody needs a mikes hard cranberry lemonade
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Old 06-02-2012, 05:57 PM   #39
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ITS GOT ALOT OF SUGAR BUT THE PROS OUTWEIGH THE CONS

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  sugar is death friend
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Old 06-02-2012, 06:03 PM   #40
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Jesus grape. In some ways your life is like the bizarro world of mine (well the fifteen years ago bizarro world version). Dad ran off when I was three months old. Check. Stepdad was a dick. Check. Difference is in the effect. I tracked my dad down when I was 21. Found him in bfe Missouri smoking weed, mooching off of his girlfriend, and Lol raising her two kids. Spent four days hanging out with him. Dude looked just like me except he was bald ( bad beat "pops" Sfo). It quickly became clear that he did not want to grow up (he played video games, listened to records, got high, and babbled stuff like "I hate it when you meet someone for the first time and they ask what you do. To me that's not interesting. It doesn't give you a sense of who a person truly is. I prefer to ask them what kind of music they like. You can tell a lot more about a person by the music they like than by what career they have." Ok sure dad. But listening to music is wat you "do" while the rest of us leave the house and do shit like make money and interact with other people. I digress. Point is at the end of the four days I'm about to take off and I have a good visit and I'm thinking wow this is cool to finally have a real dad...awesome...and we are saying goodbye and I'm like so um we are gonna get together soon? His response was yeah well I'm not that big on driving and I was really just curious to see how you turned out but if you hear of any good deals on weed or ecstasy, let me know because I'm willing to drive for that. Wait. What?

Spent about a week thinking about all this and the previous 21 years and decided fuck it if I'm gonna let this nonsense bring me down. So I sent him note saying "nice to meet you. You suck. But I forgive you". And I just it go and moved on. Now the shit is funny to me (plus I realize I totally got off easy on the surpassing the father bit because all I had to do was graduate, not get a chick pregnant, and abandon her and the kid - again dad Sfo).

Ok really getting to the point now. If I hadn't let it go I would still be trying to force a father son relationship on a guy who was incapable of fulfilling his side of the bargain, and get slighted (you? No. Weed and x? Yes), and self-inflicting pain by trying to make a non-existent thing exist. But instead I say fuck it and moved on. Now look at me - abandonment issues pain free and a two time flower show blue ribbon holder. Let it go bro. The father son thing ain't gonna happen. If it was it would have decades ago. All your doing is fucking up your head and heart and seriously hindering your growth as a person. Yah hears me? (Did not proofread so hopefully this is coherent)

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  some lovely real talk right cheer
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