Originally Posted by
Statutory Ape
You are also right, as was scuter, in that getting away from this creepy woman is absolutely my #1, ahead of literally anything else. I wasn't super rushed until today tho, and right now in fact i have proposals on the table with my half sister dad and his niece, who's very nice and might give me the couch in living room.
Don't need to hear about it. Less talk, more doing. Or not. But less talk either way. This is bullshit Christianity. You didn't see the Truth. You just got angry at the perpetrators of the lies.
i swear on my life that in many ways this period of my life is by far worse than anything I have ever imagined. The days I was living in the crack house I long for at this point. waking up freezing cold with no blankets and no couch, just floor, roaches mexicans and me. I thought it was horrible, and I wished for better days. "life will be good and worth living someday just hang in there" I told myself, alone as always. I would kill to be that happy again, I was enjoying life all things considered
Hey. Come closer. I want to tell you something.
NO ONE CARES!
oh god i just want to disappear
But you won't. So you don't really want to do anything but impose your screaming onto innocents. WHO DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR DUMB GENERIC SHIT.
The past is over. Deal with the present. Right now, you're making my present suck. That's a really bad idea.
Originally Posted by
nextlevelshit
It is a poison of choice because all it takes is rotting plant matter. It really doesn't get much more simple than that. All this alcohol controls the masses is bullshit.
Those who control masses are thinking at levels far above this. Your reality is carefully constructed and controlled.
Originally Posted by
Statutory Ape
i was built to fail ,and my engineer had to work her butt off for a very long time to crush my spirit and self confidence to the point I shrieked in horror and fled the scene.
I had a lot of engineers working their butts off. I was a big problem for the CoG and I didn't even realise why we were being bounced from home to home, always on the move. I'm mildly surprised they didn't kill me.
You know what the difference was between me and my sister?
She didn't want to contribute. I did.
You don't want to contribute. No problem. So shut up, or leave.
What's with this endless recursion. This shit is so simple. Stay and play. Stay and shush. Quit the game. What's the problem? Those are your options.
Originally Posted by The Last Psychiatrist
The trick to understanding life is to realize that the reason bad things happen is that we partly guilty and partly wronged, fully at the mercy of other people who use us and manipulate us; but that we still retain almost infinite power to alter reality and prevent bad things from happening. And the reason that that is the reason is that the alternative is there is no reason.
Originally Posted by
Statutory Ape
Bottom 1% by what criteria? My clothes are nicer newer and more expensive than 99% of the world, I can speak read and write nearly perfect english with ease, i have a 2 year degree in biology with a fairly decent GPA, no missing limbs, no STDs, no kids and no wife or ex wife.
I'm withdrawing that 1%. You're not in it anymore. 0% is my estimate. The criteria? ^
oh, and I would never embarrass my friends by ordering sushi in public that starts with the fucking word CHICKEN
Silence your insane screaming.
No you may not ever order sushi for me under any circumstances, not even a friendly gesture to make up for trying to kill me.
And....you're banned.
Once I figure out how. Can someone ban this joker for me please.
I had a lot more to say, but why bother, you won't listen to any of it. You and my mother are so much alike and in so many way's it is absolutely horrifying.
Why did you bother? Mike, crazy idea. Just spit-balling here. But have you considered the possibility that you're batshit insane?
Why are you dictating to people. Do you really think you're in the position to tell ANYONE in the world what to do?
You're not. You cannot even tell yourSelf what to do.
what I hear coming from you is that not only should I abandon the little fake glimmer of hope I had coming from religion
No. I have not ever, and do not, give a flying fuck what you do. I just speak Truth. Don't confuse the two.
The Truth is that religion is power, control and lies. No one wants to be their victim. They only
feel they do.
I should also, at basically the same time, come to grips with my abuses growing up (which were so bad I repressed them a solid 12 years,l just to keep from mentally imploding)
No. You should stop wallowing in them.
Are you getting abused now?
Why are you abusing yourSelf in your imagination over something that wasn't your fault, was out of your control and most importantly, happened like 20 fucking years ago?
The past is the past. It should embarrass you if your past is hurting you in the present. That's your insanity talking. Fix your brain.
But you don't listen to anything brilliant I say. You just want to dictate like a fucking baboon. So to hell with you and your demented screaming and try not to rape any "women children" on the way out of the door. And don't call your buddies to talk about how you're thinking about doing it...you're really at risk of doing it this time...someone please pay attention to you...just do what you have to do but do it quietly.
You're a grave disturbance of the Peace.
and AND I need to accept my mental illnesses for what they are (with no and i mean NO possible means of treating any of it, I applied for medi-cal and medicaid and was turned away from both. I have a social worker who yawned while I asked her what the county could or would do for me, she gave me food stamps and $140 a month that I have to earn by working in a soup kitchen, and *nothing* else)
I think you need to kick along because not even my sister leeches like this. What is wrong with doing something for yourSelf for a change? Anything. Something. The final thing. The first thing.
and let's just be real thorough here, I need to also accept the bright neon signs of truth that my one last final bastion of sanctity that provided only the smallest ray of hope and sunshine, my mother, is not only not my friend, she is actually and always has been, my enemy.
No! Why, whatever gave you that idea? She had raised a perfectly sane, well-adjusted, happy and functional member of Society; who trades happily with other humans, works to create a better life for himSelf and those he cares about, and is cared about because he has
value.
I can't imagine why you'd imagine your Mother screwed you but here's the thing dipshit.
My mother didn't screw me, until she killed my siblings. But my point being, you refused to resist the corruption. You didn't take responsibility for you. You sucked on that teat and at 31 or w/e, you're still sucking on that teat. Where is your sense of dignity?
You wanted to feel 'good'. You will always wear the consequences for laziness. Always.
You will always wear the consequences of what you're doing in the moment.
bpd? you tell a man he has the most acute case of bpd you have ever seen that you cannot believe he is doing such a bad job of dealing with a reality so horrifying it's putting him back into "regression and survival" mode and you are angry that i am doing exactly what my mind has programmed itself to do?
Oh nothing is your fault. You have no control. You ruin the happiness of others because it's how your mind has been programmed. Yes yes.
And you cannot program it sane. I understand.
Why are you wasting oxygen?
what the hell is wrong with you? and what do you want/expect/desire me TO ACTUALLY FUCKING DO?
You either take control or you fuck off out of the game. What is this fucking bullshit.
Stop fucking imposing your pain onto others. You're the cancer which rotted through the world. There is nothing so miserable that justifies imposing your filthy misery onto others. You have the option to end your suffering, if you have no other options.
You do NOT have the option to share your suffering.
I was doing pretty good till you woke me ALL THE FUCKING WAY UP, so here is my game plan, I hope these actions somehow correlate with what "success" in my situation would be to you.
Uh huh.
Fuck off with your fucking planning and DO SOMETHING QUIETLY.
And there is a very big reason why I do not hold that against her. Postulate on that for ~5 minutes and you may understand why I am willing to give her some sympathy and not be so bitter. I mean, yeah i am pretty damned angry, but I also empathize with her, and I just need to find a way to solve my fuckedupness and become a viable stable human being.
I've given you all the solutions. Pick one. Stop ordering your delusions around. I will postulate on what is sane. You are not in the position to order anyone but yourSelf.
Give me sanity or give me death.
Literally how many times have I said this?
Stop talking and DO.IT.QUIETLY.
Originally Posted by
Statutory Ape
What fucking "experiments" are you doing that involve me directly or indirectly, with whom are you involved, whom do you discuss these things, and what is the premise? H1 H0? I demand (though do not expect) truthful answers, and I am not going to be very patient. Your constant disrespect and crass hostile nature (fucks sake, i get called crazy, yet I am the one being told I am a frog being dissected, by a random dude I have never met, on the internet????) deserves no better.
I would have no problems with telling you but....NO. Stew.
You're a weird guy, I was warned and didn't listen, my fault 100%, but you are way fucking out of line with the shit you tell me and intentionally trying to stress me, as if you couldn't be a friend and be encouraging, send a pm asking me how things are going and do the mentor thing of what you would do in my spot.
I have never done anything of the sort. When
people ask me questions, I answer them with Truth.
And the Truth is, well...you're not getting sane are you? So you need to be humane.
You may have noticed but I do not nor will I ever crack under pressure. It's my rarest gift, and under duress a pansy coward like you could not IMAGINE I outperform the best and the brightest.
Yes Mike, you're on top of the world. Better than everyone. Smarter than everyone. Just
feel it and it's true.
I fear you? def not
I like you? def not
I respect you? i do
I want to be a success? i do
That's funny. I just want you to be quiet so that I am not forced to censor the first person in my life.
My caring in your regard extends to a fucking OCD preference. You're less important than a lightswitch, but if you were a lightswitch I'd have flicked you off a long time ago for the sake of decency.
Your demented
'values'. Stop sharing them with others. This world doesn't need your opinions about anything at all. You're one of billions who just wants to express their utterly demented feelings. Do it into a pillow like a human being would.
I have a few situations around my network of people you are uniquely qualified to help. Kids mostly, one is 8 and has a malady which makes him prone to rage, untold rage, and nothing has worked, his family is turning to prayer.
Why are you associating with 8 year olds? What's this about?
Network is such a creepy word. What does it mean?
Big world out there John, if you want to help, there is plenty of opportunity
Really?! You're not the only fucking demented sub-human alive? I'd have never guessed.
but you will NEVER be as effective as you should be until you learn the definition of bedside manner and it's relevancy in the field of treating people.
If you could afford to pay a doctor for a consult, you can tell him how to treat you. Don't tell other people what to do. Tell yourSelf what to do.
Your bedside manner literally IS a disease, with the only cure being avoidance, for good. Are you proud of that? I hope to hell you're not, but I've been wrong about common sense shit before. ..
Thank you for your opinion, Patient....A23093. I assure you it will be given all appropriate consideration.
Originally Posted by
Rum Dick
Could someone kindly explain why ape is so angry at a woman who is letting him live at her house while he is in thirties? Real talk my mom would have taken me out back and shot me if I tried to live with her after I turned 18.
Real talk if I didn't run bad, my dash at freedom at 8 wouldn't have lasted <48hrs.
They have a symbiotic relationship. He sucks on her tittay. She lets him, half out of guilt at what she's created, half because she doesn't know what the hell to do about him.
Originally Posted by
Statutory Ape
Let me live with her? bro, you want nitty gritty I would be happy to take a call and go over every detail of my life.
Well why didn't you say so? Quick. Send your number and wait by the phone.
Everyone would love to hear that story. I bet you tell it really good.
Scuter spotted the enemy months ago I'd imagine, and I realized his end game just now, at the same exact time I realized why he gets pissed off at the stupid shit I do, without meaning to.
I bear her imprinted insanity and it makes everyone that comes in contact with it sick. Just as it was created to do.
Yes but you wouldn't have to imagine it because I've only said it 50 times on this forum.
Quite frankly I intend to win this war and reclaim my Self and Sanity, neither of which I will ever have anywhere near her.
Quite frankly you need to stop talking about what you're going to do and do.
and btw Scuter I am officially calling your pm policy faggot. If a person wants to talk to you in such a fashion everyone (and prying eyes) can see, they can make a thread about it, or post someplace. You act as if there is NOTHING on earth SO important that it can't be shared by everyone, or you have some special reason because you are planning on the concept being interesting enough to warrant the move.
My PM
policy.
Because I have no insane deception and lies and shame to hide.
My PM
policy.
Not yours. Why would I give a fuck about your preferences? I haven't even read them yet. Your screaming has been hurting my ears all day.
I personally dislike it, and it's no doubt hurt communications between us, but that might be a good (and intended) thing to one of us, depending on perspective.
What a pity. If only you had some value to contribute then we could pretend I'd missed out on receiving it. Aw shucks.
Originally Posted by Statutory Ape
Scuter, if ever you had a step 2 in mind, I would say it's time to bring me up to speed.
Phase 1 has failed. You have failed.
There is no Phase 2 for people who do not want to be sane. You don't care about who you hurt. That's why this world needs to send you to the 'next' game to let humans who don't want to hurt others be humane.
I am in the process (quickly I might add) of actually DOING shit about these issues, such as you stated (not sure at all why I didn't realize this before) "MIKE THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO, GOOGLE FOR YOU?" Well, no you don't, but I didn't realize you had been telling me a while now once you figure out the problems (which was what I asked you to do) then I need to work on my own to find some solutions.
I don't need your progress reports. I'm not interested in a damn thing you say. I have academic interest only in the things you do.
Fixed- I rather love that word. "FIXED" might be me? It could be me!
I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you unless you're going to do it for a few minutes with some cement tied to your shoes.
Why do I know this?
You're still talking about what your next illusion will be.
So Sunday the Dr and Dave ( Mike and Mary's son, whom are my neighbors) his gf and myself we are all having dinner and the Dr. would like to discuss my situation with me and he's planning on having a few batches of new case study meds. I guess what he's been able to do with david is start him out on meds that are in trial phases for the FDA, and this means they are at no cost to david, or I for that matter.
Poor humans.
Along with this I am applying for work daily and, should the Navy fall through (won't know till after 8/3) I will already have a full time job lined up, I am sure.
Fingers crossed for YOU! Aren't you a good boy. Who's a good boy?
You're a good boy.
Well done. Good boy!
Woof woof.
Now...don't tell me, how does that make you feel.