She'd do that to anyone she felt compelled, by Societal rules, to entertain. Of course, if you were entertaining...
But it's very hard to be entertaining when you're starting from a position of Catholic propriety. No one wants to do things they feel compelled to do, when they have been given no reason to believe it's in their best interests. Your relationship with her might have been doomed by that demented insanity before you'd ever been given a chance to impress.
My horrifying biological mother destroyed my relationship with my grandparents this way. My childhood was a life of abject misery, as a "difficult child" who asked questions and didn't want to get raped by the erect Love of Jesus. My whore mother, with her filthy obsession with "putting her best foot forward" and "public perception" and "keeping up appearances" (all of which is provably Catholic), would FORCE me to call my Nan on birthdays to thank her for money she sent (which was confiscated and mailed to Jesus of course, in the Tenerife Is). I didn't want to do this, because I didn't want to lie. I had nothing to talk about, for that reason and because I couldn't very well tell her I lived a torturous life of child slavery. But I would be FORCED to call her once a year, and obviously prohibited from using the phone for the rest of the year. I didn't have anyone to call, in any case; except...
Except I got fucking played by my stupid whore mother; who is so dumb I never actually know if she's playing at stupidity or if she's just the most vile beast alive; breeding children for the emotional validation of her horrifying masters (whom she wants desperately to PLEASE). But I got fucking played by someone, if it wasn't her. I can't believe it.
Prior to getting played, I liked my Nan. I spent 10 weeks there oblivious to the fact I was being dangled as emotional bait in a Christian hijacking. But my Nan was cool. She let me eat all the Weetbix I wanted, she loved it. I was a big fan.
I did have someone to call. The thought never occurred to me, because I hated being forced to have a demented conversation about nothing with my Nan and she got associated in my mind with "awkwardness" (which I abhor). I got played.
A decade later, I received a surprise phone call (it was a surprise because we chatted on MSN so her calling me was a peculiar first) from my little sister Mandy on her 5th birthday or something and we were chatting and she wanted to go to her party so I told her to go have fun. Cue horror. I could hear a whispered voice of vile which brought back horrifying flashbacks of repressed horror & imposed awkwardness.
This filthy whispering hiss preventing my baby sister from doing what she wanted to do (which, because I'm sane, was what I wanted her to do). Catholics fuck everyone with this shit. I was too horrified to speak. Mandy didn't know what to do say. All I could hear was this vile poisonous whisper hissing at her, "Tell Jonny about how you had fun the other day doing xxx".
With a dry throat, I whispered into the phone "Hang up. Baby, hang up" but she couldn't so I had to hang up.
I screamed in fury at the whore in an email about forcing children to do things they didn't -want- to do. She played dumb. I'm not sure she's as dumb as she plays. She just smears awkward horror onto everything. Her insanity sucks the fun out of every room she's in. She's truly horrifying.
My baby sister (and all my siblings really) just progressively stopped talking to me on MSN. They used to hassle me all the time, but it was cool. They were cool. I tried to message them intermittently but they would just have nothing to say. One word answers to open-ended questions. Clearly they didn't want to talk and because I don't force people to do what they don't want to do, I stopped trying to force them to speak to me. They gradually just...died.
She killed them all with this filthy Catholic shit.
408 I think that whole story is a message to stop smoking. Either that, or stop buying smokes and start to live off bummed cigarettes. TAKE YOUR LIFE BACK.
You also seem to attract friends of questionable merit. You pretty much just gotta realize most people are borderline worthless. Lower your expectations without becoming bitter at life. If you become bitter, you've lost. Having these high expectations of people and interactions just sets you up for failure.
I am literally a friend repellant at this point.
meaning, I have no friends. The few who have stuck around I trust with my life, and they have all worked to get me clean. We are talking less than half a dozen here.
Jesus grape. In some ways your life is like the bizarro world of mine (well the fifteen years ago bizarro world version). Dad ran off when I was three months old. Check. Stepdad was a dick. Check. Difference is in the effect. I tracked my dad down when I was 21. Found him in bfe Missouri smoking weed, mooching off of his girlfriend, and Lol raising her two kids. Spent four days hanging out with him. Dude looked just like me except he was bald ( bad beat "pops" Sfo). It quickly became clear that he did not want to grow up (he played video games, listened to records, got high, and babbled stuff like "I hate it when you meet someone for the first time and they ask what you do. To me that's not interesting. It doesn't give you a sense of who a person truly is. I prefer to ask them what kind of music they like. You can tell a lot more about a person by the music they like than by what career they have." Ok sure dad. But listening to music is wat you "do" while the rest of us leave the house and do shit like make money and interact with other people. I digress. Point is at the end of the four days I'm about to take off and I have a good visit and I'm thinking wow this is cool to finally have a real dad...awesome...and we are saying goodbye and I'm like so um we are gonna get together soon? His response was yeah well I'm not that big on driving and I was really just curious to see how you turned out but if you hear of any good deals on weed or ecstasy, let me know because I'm willing to drive for that. Wait. What?
Spent about a week thinking about all this and the previous 21 years and decided fuck it if I'm gonna let this nonsense bring me down. So I sent him note saying "nice to meet you. You suck. But I forgive you". And I just it go and moved on. Now the shit is funny to me (plus I realize I totally got off easy on the surpassing the father bit because all I had to do was graduate, not get a chick pregnant, and abandon her and the kid - again dad Sfo).
Ok really getting to the point now. If I hadn't let it go I would still be trying to force a father son relationship on a guy who was incapable of fulfilling his side of the bargain, and get slighted (you? No. Weed and x? Yes), and self-inflicting pain by trying to make a non-existent thing exist. But instead I say fuck it and moved on. Now look at me - abandonment issues pain free and a two time flower show blue ribbon holder. Let it go bro. The father son thing ain't gonna happen. If it was it would have decades ago. All your doing is fucking up your head and heart and seriously hindering your growth as a person. Yah hears me? (Did not proofread so hopefully this is coherent)
I really believed I was missing this magical father/son relationship and that, somehow, my shit life could be boiled down to a bum childhood replete with guilt and shame over things I really have no control over.
In essence, I have learned how wrong I was. I came from a deadbeat and was then raised by another one, but the buck stops right there. I shall defiantly buck the horse and create my own tradition, thank you all.
You’re all imbeciles. A child who strives to please anyone but themselves will only ever please sleazy creeps and lovers of demented robots. The sane will never be pleased by those who suffer to please. The only thing that will ever please someone who is sane would be everyone - at all times - only ever acting in their own best interests.
I have arrived at the same conclusion. Oddly enough it is actually a primal driving force, it is literally INSTINCTUAL to be SANE, and only through religious programming can the insanity survive as it does today.
It must be killed, if we are to live.
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5000 years ago. That's the horrifying, but correct, answer.
I believe otherwise...
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A shitty workaround would require your acting in your own best interests which means you have to act in the best interests of those who have been screamed insane by religion. To get all your options back, you have to be prepared to violently silence the screams and lies of the insane and you have to be prepared to brutally shock Truth back into the carcasses of their victims in an attempt to bring them back to life. It’s risky.
People live in bubbles of denial for a reason. Their reasoning is illogical, but waking them up requires courage which I do have; except not, it would seem, when it truly matters. I can live with the Truth and I can give Truth to miserable wretches without giving a flying fuck about their demented -feelings- or their predictably filthy responses and I've never credited their moronic 'opinions' but I am utterly incapable of giving Truth to my siblings; because I’m petulant and it’s just not fair.
Stop being a fucking defeatist. I can accept that you offered to help me purely to satisfy your own curiousity, and I would be willing to bet that's what it ultimately boiled down to- but look at the result- I am 100% a new MAN. A real human being. It wasn't easy, not even remotely, but I was for sure every bit the "sane" christian as the other 80million plus right here in this country. Your experiment worked, I can prove it. Now what will you do?
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In a sane world there wouldn’t be any horror in reality. Everyone would simply tell the Truth all the time.
All my life I believed this to be true, and then one day I was woken up to reality, and realized I had been lying to myself all along. People CAN handle truth, the hard part is delivering the bad news that truth is NOT what they have been seeking the whole time. So, bring them truth....
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But this is a world of fantasy and denial and lies, for religious reasons. My siblings have had the life sucked out of them by victims of religion, which means they ‘live’ in bubbles of ‘sweet’ fantasy and lies and emotional styrofoam. I can’t pop those bubbles, it would hurt them. And in that sense, I’ve always been a victim of religion. I’m incapable of taking action when it actually matters.
BULLSHIT
Truth is self evident, and it can (and will) set humanity free. You started something here, don't lose faith. It's real power you have in your head and your heart, do not deny yourself.
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The insane hurt and kill with pious certainty but the sane are helpless to respond. Decency has been getting slaughtered for 5000 years like this and we’ll never win. We’re just marking out time. The game could be won if everyone who screams their demented pain at innocents were silenced. That's...very nearly everyone.
It’ll never happen. So we’ve already lost. The game was over a long time ago. Toddlers just won’t stop breeding is all; so we are forced to play macabre periods of miserable overtime.
RUBBISH
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Those I love are dead, and I’m incapable of doing anything that might hurt them.
And so I will die pretending there isn’t a chance I could bring them back to life.
NO, you will wake up one day and realize your place in this world, and the world will rejoice.
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