I received the OK to post the story so here it is. It is quite long, but classic. Pics will be included.
Backstory:
I used to work as a customer service rep while I was in college 2-3 years ago. During this time, I met this girl and became pretty good friends with her. She had a boyfriend the entire time I worked with her so it was mostly whatever.
(she is the blonde)
Then her and said boyfriend split and I started hanging out with her and such. She likes to party pretty much, so it is usually us meeting up at a bar or something similar.
Fastforward to Thanksgiving. I am texting above girl and asking her what she is getting into after all the Thanksgiving shit. She tells me that she has already drank a few beers and wanted to go out. I was back at my hometown at this time, so that meant that I had to call up wownhurgood. He is always up for going out and would be ready to drink after hanging out with his dad's girlfriend's son all day. I get ahold of him and set everything up.
The plan was to go here
because on Thursdays they have 5 for 5. (5 beers for $5 or 5 well drinks for $5). wownhurgood has become quite the bargain hunter when it comes to weekday drinking around town and knows which bars have drink specials on which days.
I arrive at wownhurgood's house around 10pm to begin predrinking and to meet everyone we are going to the bar with. I tell the girl how to get to the bar and she tells me she is going with:
her sister (blonde)
and her friend. I tell the other guys that her sister and her friend are going and they are both good looking and both single. (I've hung out with both girls before and thought this to be true) Everyone shows up at wownhurgood's house and we head to the bar around 11pm.
When we get to the bar, I'm surprised to see the 3 before mentioned girls but the sister and friend have guys with them. This would usually throw a metaphoric road block for most people, but not my friend wownhurgood. I think in his head, this was just a better challenge. We walk around the bar and get a couple buckets of beer. One of our other friends regulars the bar so he showed us the trick of ordering cranberry and vodkas with no ice and taking them as big shooters. Wownhurgood (who is around 5'9" and 120lbs if you've seen pictures) was beginning to get drunk after a couple rounds of these and beers. It was at this point in time he thought it was time to make his move.
I left the table to go to the bathroom and came back to wownhurgood standing near the booth behind our table. I asked him what he was doing and he told me about his plan to talk to the girl's sister without the guy she was with knowing about it from the booth behind her...(the guy was sitting right next to her). This move obviously didn't work out so he went to sitting across the table from her. About 5 minutes later, the girl I used to work with turns to me and tells me about how wownhurgood is rubbing both her sister's leg and the guy's leg. Instead of telling wownhurgood this at the time, I decided to wait until later to let the awkwardness continue.
Fastforward to last call:
Wownhurgood continued drinking throughout the night and was beginning to get to the blackout stage. Since it was last call, I decided that we needed to end the night with double shots of tequila. I order 3 and call the girl I knew and her sister over to the bar. Her sister ends up declining the offer so I go mr. reliable (wownhurgood), knowing he doesn't ever turn down a drink when he is already drunk. Right when wownhurgood sits on the bar stool to cheers the shot, I get a tap on my shoulder from a guy I hadn't talked to in a few years. I get trapped into talking to him for a couple minutes and wownhurgood and the girl take their shots without me....assholes. I finish talking to the guy, take my shot, and put my glass down and notice that wownhurgood is gone. I ask the other guy that was at the bar what happened to him and he said, "He probably left after puking everywhere".
Come to find out after he took the shot of tequila, he felt like he was going to throw up. So like any other drunk human being, he thought that putting his hand over his mouth would stop the puke from coming up and out...it didn't. The hand in front of his mouth actually caused a spraying effect and sprayed puke all over himself, the girl, and the bar..(keep in mind we were actually at the bar during this). He sat at the bar wondering what the hell to do for a few seconds and then exorcist puked all over the bar again. Once he did this, he came up with the good idea of just leaving.
I hang around for about 20 more minutes and talk to the girl and whatnot until the bar shuts down. Wownhurgood only lives a 10 minute walk from the bar so my plan was just to crash at his house. I made it back to his yard and was surprised to see him just openning the door since he left the bar 20 minutes before I did. I notice he is on the phone and ask him who he is on the phone with. He doesn't answer me and then runs into the bathroom after openning the door. I follow behind him inside the house and smell an ungodly odor of sewage. I yell into the bathroom and ask if he shit himself and all I heard was the shower running.
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So now I will continue the story from what the person that he was talking to on the cell phone said happened.
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Wownhurgood left the bar after puking twice and started his journey home. He meant to call me, but in his drunken state he called a different friend. This is how the conversation went.
wownhurgood "where are you?"
ryan: "at my house. It is 2am"
wow: "why are you there"
ryan: "this is ryan. did you mean to call me"
wow: "No. I meant to call Faduniak"
ryan: "What are you doing?"
wow: "walking home from the bar"
wownhurgood then continues to tell ryan how the night went as he walks to his house. He got to his front door
wow: "The door is locked so I must be the first one back"
ryan: "dude that sucks. do you have your keys"
wow: "the question isn't whether i have my keys or not. The question is whether I'm going to make it inside before I shit myself"
ryan: "Dude, you are going to be alright"
*screams*
ryan: "WHAT HAPPENED?"
wow: "I just shit myself. Turds are coming out of the bottom of my pants."
ryan: "Oh man. that is terrible"
*rustling of keys*
*screams*
ryan: "What's wrong now"
wow: "I just pissed all over myself"
This was about the time I walked into the yard. I must have walked right past the turd because it was one of the worst smells I've ever witnessed. I was yelling for Wow's roommate to wake up and videotape what was going on but he just bitched about having to wake up for work in the morning.
After Wow got cleaned up, we walked in the freezing cold to the pizza place up the street forgetting it was thanksgiving night. They were obviously closed so we were left with cooking 4 packs of Ramen noodles (all different flavors) in one pot.
now we need wow to tell story from perspective of wow. and then track down the dude whose leg he was rubbing and get him to post, followed by the chick that was hit by vom schrapnel.
where i come from we use other peoples queen to do trivial stuff(by proxy) like boot out the greatest ever PM. so if presented with voting for our own monarch then ill jump at it. first social group formed must be scatz's for a constitutional monarchy. im not sure tony has the time anymore to join us but im sure uncle john would be more then glad.
where i come from we use other peoples queen to do trivial stuff(by proxy) like boot out the greatest ever PM. so if presented with voting for our own monarch then ill jump at it. first social group formed must be scatz's for a constitutional monarchy. im not sure tony has the time anymore to join us but im sure uncle john would be more then glad.
A figurehead Queen would be better than a Constitutional one. Or we* could just destroy any Queen we didn't like with photoshop the way the French did it with their 1900's skatzing. I seem to remember some Le Terrible following one of their revolutiones so we will aim to avoid that obv.
* by 'we', I mean people who have my MSPaint skillz clearly on display in the Lourve in the exhibition titled [tentatively] :diekittydie
Story from Thanksgiving Night
Hybrid Mode
