Announcement: my new PM policy.

[rum dick]

Don't make me have to spell it out for you gare. And leave the poor mattress out of this. Kid has been through enough already,

[GAMBLE-BOT]

Mike that "fire inside of you" is 1/2 of your problem.....its called mania. the other half is depression. The solution is called Lithium, or Depochoate. Or anything really. Scooter wouldn't agree.

[SkyNigger]

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Originally Posted by Apes of Wrath

it's hard to really grasp that when one has only lived 1/4th of their life span or so, but you and I have lived 1/3rd now, don't you feel the pressure? The pressure of not having enough time alive, time to live, time to do fun shit.

I can't really think of anything I want to do that either isn't possible any longer or that I haven't done. So I mostly just feel the pressure of having to come up with new lame-ass excuses for why I'm here in this world of Toddlers.

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I don't know about you, but I am dying to take some fucking chances here. i have lived a safe life for far too long, it's time to take some fucking chances and I relish the idea of putting myself in such a position success seems unlikely

I felt a little bit like that end of 2010 when a quarter of a century's worth of fear evaporated. I wasn't manic or even all that psyched. But without the fear, there just seemed to be a lot of places I wanted to be at once.

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and when I pull off the impossible, people will be all the more amazed by it.

Is this something that is important to you?

Why.

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You have NO idea what I am truly capable of, we ADHD kids are known for various things, do you know what my specialty is?

Problem solving.

I don't but then that game is a bit of a redundant one.

I don't think it makes sense identifying traits you must have because they're supposedly shared with other sufferers of a disorder. I'm not convinced it is a disorder so much as a product of creepy 'entertainment' for human children, drilling away at their capacity to be literate. Telling them what to think, how to feel, the way to act and when what - most of all what - they need to fear.

You're a problem solver? What the...? I'm not even sure what that means.

I think you been watching too many movies.

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what

The French Foreign Legion takes anyone.

http://www.legion-recrute.com/en/

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Whatever your origins, nationality or religion might be, whatever qualifications you may or may not have, whatever your social or professional status might be, whether you are married or single, the French Foreign Legion offers you a chance to start a new life...

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Yeah I kind of go by the porn I see and small sample size in person here and there. Let me tell you something- thai girls, when they get dressed up-are KNOCKOUTS. I dig it.

No Thai girl is doing porn. They'd be contemptuous. That's Isaan's girls you're mistaking for Thai.

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um yeah so you are coming across to me much like a christian unwilling to forsake all that he hath here. sorry....I really dislike money, it has never made me happy and I now just want to have lots of it so that I don't have to worry about not having any of it.

I'm not sure I know what you're talking about but the above was in response to my very valid point that this is a world with rules and the rules are written by those with money. Perhaps you didn't get the implications of that but you should endeavour to do so. This is a world where the numbers of people who die for want of money so small...too small for so many millions to perish.

But that's part of the rules written by money.

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Parents throw their children into the street to force them to make it on their own because otherwise they are fucked for life.

That's really a hallmark of Christianity. But yes the peasants of Isaan have been breeding for a few generations now to satisfy demand for Christian westerners. There are children homeless in the streets but they'll be orphans or children of yaba addicts.

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Originally Posted by Apes of Wrath

HOW DARE YOU MAKE A MOCKERY OF WHA'T WE ARE DOING HERE. DO YOU REALIZE FUCK OF COURSE YOU DON'T

?? He just asked a question I couldn't be bothered answering because it's on Google?

Unless I'm missing something...?

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Originally Posted by Apes of Wrath

let's be real, i'm a piece a shit. If this were not true I would be in a much better place in teh world because society as a whole tends to reward and take care of it's major contributors.

No. That's not how Society works. Those who manipulate others get 'rewarded' by Society.

I'm not saying you're not a piece of shit. But that's not how Society works.

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Since getting hooked on dope in 2004, I have been a very selfish worthless bastard and I do not blame fate for sweeping me out into the street. it's where I belong.

Self-less. Not Selfish.

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No cell anymore as of 2pm today, house phone lines cut, these are my rewards for moving 110 bales of hay and alfalfa over the weekend, to the point I spent sunday lying on my side in pain. Thanks J! Here, let me cut off your cell phone unexpectedly!!! Doesn't that make you full of JOY???

Didn't you get paid for the baling?

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Originally Posted by GAMBLE-BOT

Mike that "fire inside of you" is 1/2 of your problem.....its called mania. the other half is depression. The solution is called Lithium, or Depochoate. Or anything really. Scooter wouldn't agree.

No it might be bi-polar. I wouldn't really know.

[poofter]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GAMBLE-BOT

Mike that "fire inside of you" is 1/2 of your problem.....its called mania. the other half is depression. The solution is called Lithium, or Depochoate. Or anything really. Scooter wouldn't agree.

[SkyNigger]

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Originally Posted by Apes of Wrath

This must be brief, but in the last few weeks I have applied your theorum on recovering sense of self and understanding how shame is used against humanity to my step father. Yes, the nasty drunk.

Always have that hang up of "why tell anyone, that's very christian isn't it?"

The Christianity is not in the content of what is said. But in the hijack of the imposition. I've never approached people to solicit, so I wouldn't really know. It would depend on motive.

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but when people ask, I have no plans to hold back. Is this ideal? Or how do you approach things? Respond if asked and never before?

Ask what? For a lecture? I don't really act or restrain my actions based on what other people want me to do so I dunno. It's also possible I'm just tired.

I don't really hang around catastrophic life disasters though. I put oceans between them and I for a reason.

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Getting back to my dad, essentially he is the brooding miserable NASTY drunk. When he's had some whisky, he just wants to fight. He wanders around and just messes with people (normally ME or my mother of course) and the following always happens (in fact here is a timeline of sorts to his drinking, maybe it will help)

Things are going fine, suddenly dad is mega-dramatic about everything. He is SO worried, or SO depressed, over some made up thing. My mom and I can see these signs and know what's coming.

Then after a day or two he gives in, has a few beers and sneaks in his whisky (he's back to hiding it around the house like he used to, gotta love that naughty naughty delicious risk of getting caught, makes the booze better I suppose) and within 20 minutes he's swooping around butting into conversations slamming his hands on shit, that sort of thing. It's embarassing.

Yeah. I would have left so long before now it wouldn't be a consideration. Or I'd have put him out of his misery. Or convinced him to put himself out of his misery.

What are you trying to do exactly? Fix a dying man of a lifetime of horror? For what purpose? He's old.

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What do you think? My suspicion is where I went wrong- he never ASKED me to help him quit drinking. He implied it, and he's always tried to beat drink and lost, I truly believe he thinks he wants to stop, but does he?

I think where you went wrong is that he's 65 fucking years old and he's been drinking poison as pain 'relief' for 50 years. Alcohol isn't the drug of Christianity by accident.

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Where do I go from here? I can walk away.

You can. What I'm unsure of is why there is motive to do otherwise?

[Statutory Ape]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GAMBLE-BOT

Mike that "fire inside of you" is 1/2 of your problem.....its called mania. the other half is depression. The solution is called Lithium, or Depochoate. Or anything really. Scooter wouldn't agree.

I have gone back and forth over whether I am bi-polar or not, and I have settled on NOT.

ADHD is my enemy gambool, the short while I had adderall about a month ago was a life changer. I felt calm, intelligent, level-headed. It's like I walked out of a cloud of stupidity and chaos and suddenly, everything seemed...normal? I can only describe it as that.

You do realize I suffer tremendously as I hear daily "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MIKE, ARE YOU RETARDED?"

No, my IQ was tested 123, 128, 119 with the lowest being most recent (blame it on the alcohol, baby) so I am definitely not retarded. I haven't been able to figure all of my dysfunctionality out but I have most of it. A combination of depression (now officially cured, I am sure of it- props to a certain person mostly) anxiety (brought on by actions spurred by depression which have made life uncertain) ADHD (need medication for it, BADLY. It cripples me, literally) and low self esteem (once again largely cured now)

All in all, I am close to normalcy, I can feel it and the changes have been noticed by people close to me.

So bi-polar I am certainly NOT.

[Statutory Ape]

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Originally Posted by SkyNigger

I can't really think of anything I want to do that either isn't possible any longer or that I haven't done. So I mostly just feel the pressure of having to come up with new lame-ass excuses for why I'm here in this world of Toddlers.

Ok so presume for a moment you are 32 and have done almost nothing like how you have lived your life so far, does that make sense?

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Is this something that is important to you?

Why.

Satisfy my need for attention?

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The French Foreign Legion takes anyone.

http://www.legion-recrute.com/en/

WOW

I mean that's actually now on the list of plausible outcomes to my solution. Would never have even considered.

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I'm not sure I know what you're talking about but the above was in response to my very valid point that this is a world with rules and the rules are written by those with money. Perhaps you didn't get the implications of that but you should endeavour to do so. This is a world where the numbers of people who die for want of money so small...too small for so many millions to perish.

But that's part of the rules written by money.

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?? He just asked a question I couldn't be bothered answering because it's on Google?

Unless I'm missing something...?

It reeked of trolling imo, but you know better than I...

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Didn't you get paid for the baling?

no...normally I do these things for free because my parents are old and unable themselves, and I have been living there and all....but right now, I am seeking legal aid (that's the name of the place) as I have been forced into the street and denied all rights afforded under california state law.

I intend to go all the way with these bastards...my parents want to make an enemy out of me, so they have one.

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No it might be bi-polar. I wouldn't really know.

I am not bi-polar. At best I had once been diagnosed type2 bi-polar, the psychologist was stabbing in the dark I think trying to mellow out my depression. On a graph my moods go from baseline to a valley, half the way back up to baseline, another valley, then - another valley.

That's pretty much how my moods were until recently. Now I am happily mostly always baseline, never really excited, but also not suicidal.

I'm happy with that.

[Statutory Ape]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SkyNigger

The Christianity is not in the content of what is said. But in the hijack of the imposition. I've never approached people to solicit, so I wouldn't really know. It would depend on motive.

So kosher to give ones opinion when asked directly and no other time yes? What about whne I am sitting on light rail and a woman says on her cell "so GOD TOOK HIM away, to teach me a lesson girl. i know it! i just gotsta treat my man better, or god take him away THAT'S HOW IT IS!!!"

I hold my tongue of course, but WOW, just wow.

Would you ever strike up a convo here? I am curious.

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Ask what? For a lecture? I don't really act or restrain my actions based on what other people want me to do so I dunno. It's also possible I'm just tired.

I don't really hang around catastrophic life disasters though. I put oceans between them and I for a reason.

Tough to put oceans between my family and I, but you've done it, and it seems to be working for you...

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You can. What I'm unsure of is why there is motive to do otherwise?

That is exactly what I am trying to do. Perhaps I should have been more clear- I wanted to see if it's possible to cure an alcoholic, point blank. Happens to be related to me (sort of) and this I thought would be good as in close proximity I can make observations/comments you know?

I had hoped to make some progress in the short time that I have, but idk, seems a waste of time to you. I can accept that, and just move on.

Was my premise at least logical? How might you approach the same idea but with a person say 30 years old or something?

Have you an idea of how one might cure alcoholism, in general? Or are the underlying factors/motives too complex to form a generalized "How-do" or something?

[Statutory Ape]

As I have been asked several times to elucidate what and how Scuter has done for me, I'll try to explain it briefly. I hope this makes sense.

I arrived on skatz a complete trainwreck of a human being a few months ago, hopelessly depressed and lonely and harboring a very nasty drug addiction.

Instinctively I knew something was wrong, I just didn't know what, and this mental splinter has driven me to seek advice from persons I perceive to "have the answer" many times over the years. Scuter was certainly not the first, not by a long shot.

Distilled version of things is roughly this- at around 14 or so, I discovered I HATED television. I couldn't stand it any longer, as I sat and watched actors pretend to chase villians who were also actors with rubber guns, I found myself annoyed to no end that my parents would watch such drivel in a complete trance. Talking, even sometimes clearing one's throat, was enough to spark utter contempt and outrage by my parents, it was just intolerable.

So I made my way in the world somewhat detached from the people around me. The world of catholic toddlers never made sense to me and I have never wanted any part of it.

However, I have come to realize something important- television is to my parents as narcotics have been to me. It's all pain relief afterall, and that is one of the biggest revelations I have had in---well, EVER.

Over time I just KNEW the world was wrong and that it did not have the same hold on me as it does the other 99.9999%, I just couldn't put my finger on what "it" was. And so I continued circling the drain of society, barely scraping by financially, always depressed and alone, and increasingly paranoid. So the big question became why was I compelled to use substances so harmful to my health? Why was I so unhappy? Why did I need to escape? The answer is rather simple to understand, painfully obvious to see, but not unless pointed out (for me anyway)- I was in pain and in desperate need of PAIN RELIEF.

Growing up an only child saddled with horrendous ADHD I learned at a young age that playing video games by myself was much more fun than interacting with other kids my own age. And so, from age 8 to 18 or so, that's mostly what I did. Oh, I bodybuilded and built myself to a real beast, but really I still spent most of my time doing one thing and one thing well- I escaped reality. I was compelled to do it, though I did not understand why.

Thus the years rolled on and something nagged me, this something tugged at my ankles preventing me from moving forward in life- WHY was the world so wrong and WHY was I so dysfunctional? I spent so long always trailing the pack, always looking ahead at the other dogs jealous they could dress better, talk to girls better, spin music better etc. I mean, unless someone i knew TOLD me they liked a shirt or jeans or something, I hated whatever I had. I have always felt like I wasn't smart enough or talented enough to do much of anything well. The answer to that ties well in with the substance abuse- I had no sense of self, I did not know who I was, and thus I sought to pattern myself after others, people I perceived to have the answers.

The answer lie in understanding that without knowing WHO I was, I could not effectively live my own life, and this brought me internal turmoil and strife. I was in pain, I just didn't know what was causing it. The narcotics effectively became my pain relief, the hole in my heart driving me to do unmentionable things in teh interest of self hatred and mutiliation, but Scuter was able to eviscerate all of that nonsense by saying something rather simple- WHY DO YOU NEED PAIN RELIEF?

It's like this- once I understood that narcotics like television sex and whatever other vice one can imagine were simply pain relief, the solution stares you in the face- find the source of what's causing this pain and solve it. Presto, pain gone, presumably addiction gone.

So I did some introspection and landed on the causes of my pain, the biggest being repressed memories that haunted me for two decades, the other part was tougher to accept- society itself is desinged to be so flaxed that it causes people to be in pain. Almost 100% of people are in pain because that pain is ENGINEERED in order to control people. I happened to slip through the cracks a bit and settled on my form of pain relief coming at great expense (both to my health and wallet) and thus my life disintigrated. Big time.

Scuter esentially pointed out the problems I could not see on my own and so I set out to solve them.

I now do not pay much attention to people because they have their own shit to do, their own sense of fashion, their own ideas.

And so do I, at least now. I am confident in myself, my sense of fashion, the way I talk, things I do etc. I do not seek approval from anyone nor woudl it matter what another perosn thinks. I have a restored sense of self now, and that's the best gift anyone has given me.

So that's the gist of everything- I found the solution to my problems through understanding them. I hope that makes sense. I know this all sounds rather simple and basic, but really it took a lot of work, and I am very grateful.

Once it's clear cocaine is just pain relief, finding the source of pain has made the drug completely useless and indesirable. It's not like I am suffering here, I'm quite happy. If

skynigger is God!!!!!

[blake]

loving the scooter is a private dancer tag