Reppat: lazy, selfish, will do anything but take responsibility for yourself
Lazy is debateable, unmotivated/depressed highly likely. Medication goes a long way, it exists for a reason.
Selfishness is the bane of my existence. I haven't found a workaround for that yet. Only child growing up on nintendo and massive amounts of ritalin haven't produced what society wants, not yet anyway. I am aware of it (and making strides)
I take FULL responsbility for my situation and place in life and I have been very up front about that. For the time being, while I dig myself out of this hole, I make it a point to show my shitty life to others in the hopes I might persuade through example. It doubles up to feed my ego and narcissism (and need for attention- holy fuck, I'm a basketcase! ONE THING AT A BLOODY TIME PLEASE CHRIST)
I may be a little burned out for the time being, but make no mistake, I am a workhorse, always have been.
just gets tiresome when, year after year, you keep getting older, things cost more, yet you get paid almost the exact same, and you keep meeting guys in their 40's and 50's doing the same exact thing... SO I WENT TO COLLEGE!!!!
And yeah that was a more or less a waste of time (and source of a LOT of frustration. I am not a damned chemist nor do I enjoy it. it's not my cup of tea, that's how the cookie crumbled) I have a piece of paper that says I read books well. Hooray!
My autubiography I can picture the cover now- my shoes pointing straight ahead, toward a gravel path that is doused in red paint like a giant zero, you know the cicrle with a line going through it saying stop, warning etc. My life (to this point) has literally been a succession of bad decisions, poor planning and far too much....imagination. Like, thinking I am much smarter than I really am, believing things "will just work themselves out" and what not.
I have a lot to be happy and thankful for, so moving forward I am going to concentrate on the positives I have going-
pretty young, in stellar shape
affable, great with people (especially strangers)
credit is clean, needs to be built up, but all of my old debts (some going back to when i was 18) are FINALLY cleared
I am rid of cocaine, for good. Have been for some time actually. That seems to be overshadowed by my predicament but really it's like I was released from prison after 8 years of horror. Just being totally out of control in life, being a slave to my addiction-UGH)
Thanks primarily to Scuter I restored my sense of self and moved on, away from a good many things that haunted me. Old heartaches and deeply rooted fears and misunderstandings haunt me NO MORE. I spent 6-7 years treasuring the very things that poisoned me from within. My step-dad said to me "you've got your memories, and that's enough." and he is 100% right.
The military legitimately wants me for either linguistics or IT (or medic which was my pref but really I kind of dig working on computers all day. I nap. A LOT) so my career aspirations are on the up (I have looked in to some combined IT/business degrees that REALLY look promising. Information Technology Management, I believe it's called http://www20.csueastbay.edu/ecat/und...ad.html#minors that's just one school, one program, but the underlying idea is solid and I am well suited for it.)
So, yeah I don't have a car, nor any disposable income, nor a girlfriend/wife, no stable place to live and my emotional landscape tends to be...well, a bit splotchy.
But all in all I have my head up as high as it will go. If I can dodge cancer I'm pretty much a shoe-in to see 50, and without ever getting anally pillaged on camera for some randy arabs on jizzbolah haha.
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