TRUEST STORY EVER BRO:
2 NIGHTS AGO, I HAD ZERO OPTIONS FOR FOOD. IT WAS 1:30AM SUNDAY NIGHT DOG. THE ONE WEBSITE THAT LETS ME ORDER FROM A LOCAL MEXICAN PLACE WAS OFFLINE. SHIT WAS GETTING PITCHY.
I PICKED UP MY PHONE AND DIALED 4 NUMBERS:
1711
I WAS GREETED BY ABOUT 5 SECONDS OF INDECYPHERABLE MOONJABBER. NOT BEING FROM THE FUCKING MOON, I WAITED IT OUT.
THEN I HEAR:
FOR ENGLISH, PRESS 9.
SO I PRESS 9 I DOES.
A SEXY YOUNG WOMAN ANSWERS THE PHONE DOG, IMMED.
UHHHH IS THIS MCDONALDS I STAMMER? NOT QUITE BELIEVING.
SHE CONFIRMS THAT IT IS, IN FACT, MC MOTHER FUCKING DONALDS, AND THAT NIGGAS KNOW.
NOW I DONT KNOW MUCH BUT IF NIGGAS KNOW, IM ON THE TEAM, NAHMEAN?
NOW HERE IS THE OTHER PROBLEM. IVE LIVED HERE FOR 3 WEEKS AND TO DATE, NOT A SINGLE CAB DRIVER HAS BEEN ABLE TO FIGURE OUT WHERE I LIVE. SO I ANTICIPATE GROTESQUE FAILURE WHEN I HERE HE, WITHOUT PROMPTING, *TELL ME WHERE I LIVE*.
SHE LITERALLY FIGURED OUT WHERE I LIVED FROM MY PHONE NUMBER DOG.
I ORDERED:
DOUBLE BIG MAC
FRIED CHICKEN
CHICKEN MCNUGGETS
AND I SUPERSIZED THE CUNTING SHIT OUT OF MY DOUBLE BIG MAC MEAL.
MY HAND TO GOD NIGGA 45 MINUTES LATER, AT 2:15AM MONDAY MORNING, THEY HAD DELIVERED *ALL* MY FOOD AND IT WAS FUCKING DELICIOUS.
I WOULDNT LIE TO YOU DOG SHITS REAL ON THE BATTLEFIELD.
THE STORY HAS A SAD ENDING, HOWEVER:
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