Upon my recent nomination of you as interim god of Skatz [whilst you slept unaware of such machinations of mine in an attempt to lolz @ responsibilitiez], rapid heinous allegations regarding your character and good standing were made against your person.
You will forgive the following if the allegations [as suspected] are proved, unlike a knocked up 15 yr old from the ghetto, to hold no water.
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Allegation 1: You are an Orange County Christian Conservative.
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Allegation 2: You are pro-Life.
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As you know, I like to sit on the fence because it's a comfortable spot to sit. I abhor controversy. I may even be a pro-Life OC Christian Conservative but you'd never know because I stay out of all controversial debate.
But we'll never get your nomination through the Senate if the above allegations are true. It's a dirty, dirty Liberal Commie Senate.
Attn: Rum Dick. Vetting is a bitch.
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