Health Ministry Warns Of Mormon Outbreak
Infectious condition known to kill all joy, pleasure
20 Dec 2010
BANGKOK – The Health Ministry has issued its most serious health watch since the SARS outbreak of 2002, warning all Thais that the country is under threat of a major Mormon outbreak.
The condition, originating in the central United States, is known to be highly contagious and in many cases terminal. Symptoms include pale, pimpled skin, social unpopularity, and a severe loss of pleasure and happiness in life. Virginity at the age of 30 is considered a major marker of the disease.
“Those who have full-blown cases of Mormon rarely die from it, but experience a quality of life that’s almost not worth living,†said Health Minister Jurin Laksanawisit. “And the suffering it inflicts on the family is almost like losing a loved one.â€
A health official questions two suspected victims of Mormon.
Carriers of Mormon, recognizable by their stylistically challenged wardrobe featuring pleated black slacks and short-sleeved white shirts, have been spotted in downtown Bangkok and as far upcounty as Udon Thani. Each carrier is capable of infecting dozens of others with Mormon.
The Ministry further warned that communities that experience endemic wideepread Mormon are in danger of social collapse. “In the worst-case scenarios, entire cities can become empty of all arts and culture, lose all their diversity and interest in the real world around them, and even engage in a collective mania to build ugly marble buildings with gold statues on top.â€
Jurin was quick to point out that there was no need to panic, as many populations had demonstrated a natural resistance to Mormon, with the highest incidence of immunity recorded in large cities with vibrant, international culture.
“The WHO guidelines for containing Mormon suggest that maintaining a sense of humor, keeping an open mind, and studying real American history can all decrease the chances of catching Mormon,†the minister said. “But the best cure is still prevention.â€
“If any pale, nerdy, white-shirted carriers carriers are spotted in public, avoid talking to them,†Jurin recommended. “I mean, even more than you would have anyway.â€
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Or has my 2nd favourite blogger gotten Mormons confused with Seventh Day Adventists?
Most Mormons come across as quite cheerful and friendly but that's just a front. They pretty much look down on all of you. Don't feel too bad. They don't think too highly of one another either. Most them (well the guys that is...women don't really matter) are trying to scratch their way up the local church hierarchy in hopes of being called up to the majors. Temple square SLC bitchez
The rest of them either like coffee or gay sex and are just trying to make it through their days without the higher ups finding out, excommunicating their asses, and cutting them off from their family and friends for life.
Most them (well the guys that is...women don't really matter) are trying to scratch their way up the local church hierarchy in hopes of being called up to the majors.
Every religion is a pyramid scheme.
But am I confused about 7th Day Adventists or are Mormons very similar? I could Google this of course, but I am a busy man with important things to do and eat and smoke.
I'm blissfully ignorant about the ways of the seventh day Adventists. Do know that walking away from a life because of a religion is not as horrible an experience as the threats make it out to be.
Rum Dick is this true?
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