your loss not knowing about andre douglas pond cummings
Monochromatic Oeuvre wrote:
I am not exaggerating when I say that I would not hire someone who submitted a resume with four uncapitalized names at my local grocery store, much less at fucking Kirkland and Ellis.
I suppose the nicest thing I could say about andre douglas pond cummings is that I literally could not troll Indiana Tech better than that. If I were making someone up to exaggerate how terrible their faculty would be for comedic effect, I'd say to myself, "I'll give him a law degree and an undergrad degree from the two most different places I can possibly think of, the both of which someone couldn't possibly be an alumnus. How about he gets his undergrad degree at BYU and then goes to Howard? I'll make him sound like he's in that kind of 'definitely white but with legit black credentials' thing going on, like Eminem or Jason Kidd. And then I'll have him be an expert at something a BYU student would think a Howard law student studies. I've got it--he'll be a hip-hop professor! And I'll give him some experience at a good firm like Kirkland and Ellis just to add some WTF to the whole thing--it'll let everyone assume some recruiter got lazy during the boom years and just hired him sight unseen because he assumed a Howard grad named andre douglas pond cummings was the last guy to fill their diversity quota for the year. And just for the fuck of it, he won't capitalize any of his names! Ha ha, this is going to be so funny! Everyone is going to quickly realize this is a joke and couldn't possibly be an accurate description of a real person!"
The CV of andre douglas pond cummings also contains the following interesting tidbits:
-ADPC's law review articles are actually titled with hip-hop quotes, making for interestingly-titled articles like “Never Let Me Slip ‘Cause If I Slip Then I’m Slippin’’”: California’s Paranoid Slide From Bakke to Proposition 209"
-ADPC is a board member of Shortfuze Records.
-ADPC has experience at the Pro Surf and Volleyball Championships.
-ADPC would do anything for love, but he won't do that.
I only made one of those up.
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