If you pay in gold 30% discount. Also cash. Also, I have an old slider phone that is virtually indestructible. I drop it, I throw it, I send text's at a painstakingly slow rate and she never breaks. I acquired a belt holster for it and it's awesome. I feel like Joe important with this thing on my belt. Walking around the grocery store, checking out at the 17 yo's register b/c she's cute. Yeah yeah, I see the old lady that opened up Lane 9 but I wanna see what Brittany or Madison, or whatever other stupid fucking pornstar name she has. Wow look at those titties. Open neck shirt huh babe? Gotta love these kids and their constant need for attention. Aw geez lady are you really writing a check for $7? JFC you left your purse out in the car? Can someone shoot this old broad? I think she's past her expiration date. Smells like menthals and ben gay. Ok ok, cmon baby void the sale and put the cat food to the side. She'll be back in about half an hour. Oh wow, her name is Jacinda. I guess I'm ok with that. I'm just going to call her cunt anyway when I'm fucking her. Ok babe look down at the phone holster. Look down at the phone holster. GOOD. Now look up and see the watch and the pinky ring. SWEET. Now look over at the other wrist and check the bracelet. Check the bracelet. Check the bracelet. YES HONEY. I OWN YOU. That's right, you smile at me cunt. Now tell me my total and I'll pretend not to hear it so I can lean in and get a good look at those tittays. I'm surprised they let you wear an open neck halter top to work but god bless old man Daniels. God bless that dirty old man. What? ok $15.67. Hmm....all I have are 100's dear can you break one? That's right, smile and twirl your hair. This is semi-old man money. This is the money your daddy won't give you to go out with your friends. That's right sugar. Wait a minute. Is that the old lady? Shit old lady how the fuck did you get out to the Monaco and back that fast? SERIOUSLY JUST WALKED BACKWARDS IN THE LINE LIKE SHE WAS QUEEN OF ENGLAND. Oh no, she didnt'. NO SHE DIDNT'. Just smiled at the youngin and announced she was ready to pay. Oh god here comes my change. And a quick smile and shuffled off down the road to get granny's cat food. And now here it comes. The walk of shame. Walking to my car with a bagful of shit I don't even want anymore. All I wanted was Jacinda. Sweet sweet Jacinda.
FIN
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