sup yall

[SkyNigger]

Like a month ago I was too lazy to pluck my eyebrows so I resorted to paying for sex with my credit card inside as opposed to paying for sex with my credit card outside. I was quite chuffed [if a little nervous] to organise a private date with this lady named Pontip.



At $80, she was a steal I decided. I probably got $80 worth out of the deal by the time she arrived. At which point, she looked not so much like the girl above but more like this:



I have been more impressed. Than I was then.

Ashamed at having been so craftily hornswaggled by such a rare Internet Scam, partly to make myself sound cool on another forum but mostly because I did not honestly see how I could get caught, I claimed that Pontip actually showed, signing off with "$80 sfo niggers"

I had to do some quick fucking thinking to keep my e-rep when - almost unbelievably - some little jerkoff goes:

Quote:

Originally Posted by little jerkoff

dude that's miss luana http://missluana.com/

And I was in a tough spot. But I quickly said "no shit little jerkoff that's why when the nasty one showed, I so fucking owned myself. sfo?"

No one really bought it, but awkward plausibility can really save the day.

This story has a happy ending though, because after reading about Miss Luana, I thought she would appreciate a funny and helpful email and maybe she would send me some naked pics and who knows, cyber in time perhaps with my credit card. Then something like love could happen. All the balls are in play basically.

I knew I had to be funny straight out. You only get one chance to make an impression on a porn star's clerk. After a couple hours and 14 drafts, I decided this was putting my best foot forward:

Quote:

there's a Bangkok hooker site using your pics and listing you for $110/hr.
http://111hot-babes.escort-site.com/photos.phtml [your pics are 2nd from bottom of the page and your name is Pontip]

I think, if I were you, the most insulting thing about it all would be the price. $110? Should be $1110. imho.

See how I made like a super subtle compliment that was also sexually loaded and maybe even suggestive? I've been reading about the Art of Flirting.

After like 3 weeks of refreshing my email inbox, I was ready to give up hope. When she responded with:

Quote:

Hey Jonny,

Thanks for the heads up! Wow, it's funny that they couldn't think of a better name than "Pontip."

I appreciate you letting me know about this. Hope you have a great day! Happy 4th of July!

XOXO,
Luana
http://missluana.com

But it sucked cause I received it on July 5 due to time differences.

Also I didn't think that it was funny that her name was Pontip cause it sounded very believable to my credit card. But despite this, you can cut the sexual tension, and I need to capitalise, but I don't know how I can follow up my amazing opener.

Lightning doesn't strike twice. But if it does, I can tell you one thing....

[SkyNigger]

i knew this was a bad idea.

Comments

rofl

[SkyNigger]

$80 sfo

[blake]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SkyNigger

So how have you all been?

I've been not so bad, myself. Haven't been doing all that much. Trying to think of a funny story I can make up and claim really happened. Maybe later.

I don't have the aids. So that's good.

Been hanging out a lot with Sonatine [the unbearded version, I cannot speak for a bearded module]. Which is to say, 3x more than anyone else. So once or twice a month. I can recommend him to you if you are in need of a social partner to join you for an evening of bridge or an appearance in public but he is equally comfortable in a HU conversation, especially if you know your way around a suit.

Tell me something interesting.

so scooter, give us a good trip report. tell us what happened on sonatine's birthday

[SkyNigger]

Due to the risqué nature of the events that transpired that fateful night, it has been too risky for me to relate them.

The man had a beard. Claimed - at one point - he was not afraid to use it.

A bearded 2+2'er killed a bargirl in Phuket a few nights ago.

Obviously I am not suggesting our currently clean-shaven man grew a fake beard, flew to Phuket, and killed a bargirl just to scare me.

But I think the nature of the Beards involved is a sobering portent of doom I can ill afford to ignore.

[SkyNigger]

Is he staring at me or straight through me.

If through me, because I'm not worth looking at directly?

I hope it's through me. Don't want any trouble on my first day black.

[blake]

seriously, how many hookers did you guys kill?

[SkyNigger]

Quote:

Originally Posted by blake

seriously, how many hookers did you guys kill?

I have a hooker killing virgin. So far.

Sonatine? I'd rather not say.

Fuck that 2+2 faggot.

[anatine]

Everyone always thinks they are in control of their beard. Next thing, they have to perch a shattered whore stuffed into a suitcase on the back of their moped for 3 kilometers, looking for a dump site. Its science fact.

Beards must be contained in rigorously defined stasis. Thats why scientists mostly grow them.

Mostly....

[anatine]

FUCK I want a waffle...