One time I was listening to Akaboozi Radio and they played a Luganda song that said most beautiful babes use witchcraft (juju) to lure men. I did not believe it and thought it was just a mere song though I kept on investigating to find out the truth for myself. Last Saturday, as I moved in the ghetto slums of Katwe, I found a beautiful babe who attracted my attention. She had killer hips, the ones locally referred to as “Chipusi”. I wondered what such a beauty queen could be looking for in the ghetto because I did not expect her to rub shoulders with ‘Kikomando’ eaters.
I was in for a rude shock of my life! The girl ended up in small witchdoctor’s shrine in the ghetto. The shrine was made from mud and wattle and thatched with grass. As I looked around, I saw a small ramshackled signpost scribbled with words, ‘Omusawo w’ekinnansi Jjajja muvumbulabyama ali wano’. The fake signpost had other words describing how his ‘magic’ works and it included description that this so called ‘doctor’ would solve problems of men with small whoppers. Gosh! I pity these kinds of men very much because all women I have shafted praise me for my endowment of larger-than-life whopper.
The signpost went further that the witchdoctor would solve women’s problems like elongating twin towers, fighting co-wives and those who have failed to get men to marry or at least shaft them on credit. Since I had given up all I was doing in order to hook up this babe for a bonk, I could not give up. I sat strategically at a nearby shop as I sipped a bottle of soda until she came out. However, as I sipped my soda, I wondered how a man in the name of a witchdoctor could widen the legs of a young beautiful babe or married woman to ‘pull’ her pair of clitoris without shafting her.
(Actually I’m thinking of making becoming a witchdoctor specialising in elongating babes’ twinnies.) I still envy those guys because they shaft so many women free of charge courtesy of their ’profession’. As she moved out, she tucked a white hankie into her handbag. I followed her until when she joined the main road. “Hi,” I said. She immediately turned to see who was speaking and there I was. “Hullo,” she responded but the word ‘GUILTY’ was written all-over her face although I had not said anything about her movements.
After a few metres on the road, I challenged her jokingly. “It seems you are very tired do you mind if we rest a bit. You seem to becoming from very far,” I said. Since it was a sunny day, she responded in the affirmative and I straight away noticed she was a terrible liar! We stopped by Kakumba complex near White Nile and I ordered for soft drinks. She asked me so many questions but I simply told her I was a businessman staying in Kizungu Zone in Makindye. She told me she was called Juliet and stayed in Bukejje Zone after the Officers’ mess. As the conversation went on, I dropped the killer question by asking her why some men fail to get babes to shaft while others have more than enough. She did not give a direct answer but she said the same happens to babes.
“Hoping you are not among those ones,” I told her. “Hhhhmm what can I say? That is a difficult question,” she answered. I probed further to find out how difficult it was but she declined to say a word. I asked her a ‘simpler’ question whether she had a guy herself but she said no.
“How can such beautiful girl like you not have a boyfriend?” I asked. “Hhhmm munnange, I am just waiting,” she responded. I assured her I was also one of those guys who never met a single babe and wished we could solve our problems since they were similar instead of visiting witch doctors who ‘eat’ free money. She hesitated a bit saying she had a fixed programme at home but I promised to solve all in a short time. I suggested that we move together as I cajoled her to be mine forever.
By the time were reached Prayer Palace, she was already in my trap and was simply ripe for shafting.
I hired a boda-boda guy who rode us towards Kizungu at the home of Jamiiru my buddy with whom we used to shaft babes those days in the early 90’s when I used to stay there. His house is what I used as my ‘slaughter house’ for the day and this babe was never to escapade the wrath of my whopper.
Surprisingly, despite her smashing beauty, this babe was not as sweet as she looked to be. Could it be the reason she was visiting witchdoctors for “sweetquin”? I asked myself. Anyway, I left immediately after inspecting her juicy but not so sweet Kandahar. But ever since we separated, I feel like going back and shaft her again yet she is not sweet. Could it be that her juju is working on me? Almighty Allah will save me.
Till then, I remain yours Truly, the Mighty Hyena.
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