also its totally not cool to be wrecking some poor hobos fuck pad, thats probably the only good thing he has in his life. poor guy doesn't even have a can to shit in, and then some bald dude on crystal meth and cattle hormones comes raging in and smashing up the place while he's trying to get his dick wet, it's not fucking fair man.
lol sorry guys but it's a tough world out there, I am not being handed money anywhere I am creating opportunities for mySelf and I am proud of what I have accomplished. also bob the guy using the enclave now has been there barely a week, the hobo's have a network (they ALL have cell phones and even I don't have a fucking phone) and basically when the cops take whoever is there away and clean up they come within 1-2 hours and setup camp again. there was a girl assaulted a couple weeks back and my clients admin came out to her car to find the woman unconscious and bleeding from multiple lacerations as the guys there had beaten her and left her in the parking lot. sorry but my cup does not runneth over with sympathy here though I do have compassion and quite frankly I literally saved a hobo thousands of dollars lifetime and probably friends made teaching them the cool bic refill trick so whatever. I know you and tine are razzing me (I know because I just deleted a 5 pager whining about how unfair you are both being=trolled to the fullest) and I'm on the tired side so whatev. I do good work and help good people and have been working steady a while now I don't see how the same people who looked down on ah fuck me you sickos literally know EXACTLY how to get me going. literally down to a science it's like you have my inner emotional complex blueprinted or something. bright minds indeed, extremely bright actually.
there was a girl assaulted a couple weeks back and my clients admin came out to her car to find the woman unconscious and bleeding from multiple lacerations as the guys there had beaten her and left her in the parking lot.
i thought you cured her with sassafrass and fish oil pills
below is mostly jibberish i do not encourage anyone to read but I also won't delete it.
i monitored her habits for a few days and saw a number of things that I thought were fixable and would produce immediate change. I cut caffeine from her diet (was causing gastric upset as her stomach was producing acids with no food to break down, caffeine when consumed empty stomach does that and she was drinking 9-10 diet pepsi's a day) ((the caffeine was also the likely reason I heard her get up to use the bathroom or go downstairs and mull about 12 times a night and was right. most of the time she sleeps soundly now)) and dramatically increased her protein intake from maybe 20 grams daily (at most) to roughly 90-110 average. I also found a music station she really really likes and this calms her down, before she would just sit in whatever room she was in alone and not move or do anything sometimes for hours at a time. I couldn't take that (remember I kind of fell into their laps so for a while I was very uneasy about having anything to say about literally anything, then my antagonistic helpful problem solving tinkering and overly confident nature took over) and when the music was introduced she responded rather dramatically. in fact she's lying in bed listening to it now down the hall, it's an easy listening station I found. She absolutely loves it. Anyway I also began cooking with coconut oil and i pour a bit of it into her muscle milk shake in the morning each and every single day around 7:30 am. She tends to be very finicky and has ulcerative collitis in her background and I tend to have a hard time getting her to eat so the shake has been a cornerstone for months now and mike and I have been pleased.
i've watched her gain enough strength that she can walk up and down a flight of stairs touching the rail for balance (just rebuilt her lower stabilizers mostly, it was a confidence issue rather than strength) and about 2 weeks ago I asked her to read for mike and I over at history park to see if she could/would do it and she did! two full paragraphs about an old fire station and it's history. she performed very well having no difficulty enunciating multisyllabic words but seemed not to grasp the idea of what she was reading. she couldn't follow what she was reading though technically she was reading it but that's improvable. Mike didn't think she'd ever read again, says she hasn't read anything in over two years and he was FLOORED. (I got the idea to spring it on her while we were out from the guy who runs the sarah care she goes to weekdays 4 days a week. he told me a big part of her form of dementia is a constant power struggle and one of the things sarah care provides is a way to get them out of the house where they feel super powerful and bring them someplace where they can be managed easier. I put that concept together with believing she could read if she put herself to it and knowing in the past she's stubborn about doing anything she doesn't want to do ((and technically all she ever wants to do is sit and eat vanilla ice cream and waste away)) so I told Mike I thought my idea would work he went for it and it did work.
ugh not sure where I was...anyway so those improvements to her sleeping, eating, motility, being able to read and focus enough to concentrate on one thing, these things are huge (not sure you have any medical experience no disrespect intended) and we saw a huge turnaround from the brink of going to a home (really) to staying home for the foreseeable future and possibly having a spotchy memory but overall no worse for wear.
that's how things seemed anyway, then about 2 weeks ago she started getting up every hour for no reason, sometimes to piss sometimes to wander downstairs so we watch tv together until she gets tired and tries to go to sleep again, this repeats over and over and I believe in a 6 day period I never saw her sleep more than an hour straight. as you can imagine this snowballed into her losing a lot of cognitive function, she's slowed way down and can't hold a conversation or even follow a sentence. on top of this she's getting frustrated all the time and began swearing here and there (very out of character) and so she (of course) stopped eating almost entirely. my shakes have been the only constant this entire time (of my being here) as I found a vanilla shake sweet enough it reminds her of the ice cream she craves all the time and she enjoys drinking it. other than that, for two weeks now she just won't eat unless it's ice cream. you can't force her to, you can't negotiate or reason with her so mike and I have been brainstorming and trouble shooting every day and came up with nothing. we aren't doctors and her doctors treat her like she's already dead so we are basically on our own and it's very frustrating bob, it's very frustrating to want to help someone you care very much about and you aren't able to do anything past a certain point and that point just ain't enough...i mean i am falling short here, i know her dementia isn't my fault but i thought i had it beaten or at least on the run but throughout the last 8-10 months i've watched her do this a lot, it's like the disease has a mind of it's own and fights back or something. mike and mary got into an argument this morning about today being easter and not thanksgiving and it was heart breaking to hear her get frustrated and furious that mike woulnd't listen to her about KNOWING TODAY IS THANKSGIVING and why doesn't he believe her? she was in tears for a while about it and from my perspective I haven't heard or seen anything weird on this level in over two solid months. you'd be upset too bob, i guarantee it. i won't give up on her or mike as they didn't give up on me but i swear on my life this disease is nothing like a person expects it to be. it's a cruel punishment for a wonderful woman and her wonderful amazing husband, too cruel really.
my theory is that mary's ulcerative colitis is making problems for her and the upset stomach and pain is causing her to avoid solid foods thus she is eating ice cream late night because she's hungry and the resulting spike in blood glucose is making it impossible for her to get to and stay asleep. taking her to urgent care in the am and I want her pcp to review her status, meds, and what he thinks we should do and to run tests looking for the colitis etc. other than that i have no clue where to go from here and that's probably going to happen no matter what so i guess I might as well get used to what's coming now and try to get ready for it. it's not even mary I am super worried about, it's mike. he's got great genes and his dad and grandfather lived to be in their 90's but to be totally honest I can't see that man living 15 years without mary, there's absolutely no way. i was floored with the compassion and patience that he showed me and when I saw possible areas in mary I could improve I went after them 110% because i know anything that helps her helps him big time. i have been working my butt off for months now constantly cooking cleaning reading researching and monitoring so that mike could ease the load a bit and it's still way too much for him to handle. if she goes he won't be long at all which means time has incalculable value at this point, if I had to work twice as hard as I am now for months to give the two of them even one day longer together I wouldn't think twice. they are good people and I am not and probably never will be and in my heart I know what I am doing is right so I don't need validation or praise but I do need help, i can't handle seeing mary go downhill despite everything i can see being optimal and i can't keep seeing the look of just utter emotional and physical exhaustion on mike's face when he's not deliberately hiding it, fuck growing old it's the most horrifying experience ever. and to think, we are dealing with two well cared for and healthy geniuses with a lot of resources to spare and they still barely have enough money to live on I mean THAT'S WHAT WE WORK HARD ALL OUR LIVES FOR? JUST TO BARELY SURVIVE WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??? Life is pointless, utterly hopeless and pointless i mean what difference is anytihng we do going to make? i wish i knew what to do.
Ape...bob makes a great point. Also if you watch the vid from the 4:30 mark on and report back I will ban willy for three days.
don't go banning anyone on my behalf please, I am watching the video now and would like a fair exchange on the promise of a banning and would instead like you to honestly weigh in on something I have been on a the fence about for a long time. Need your answer asap (read the pm and it will make sense why the urgency) thanks. I will post my findings on the video in a few.
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