You don't, I understand. Then trust me, and then trust you to take the gamble on whether you will need to trust.
Because trust me, before I die I'm going to kill some creeps. You're not likely to figure in the line of creeps that is - frankly - getting pretty long now, but you know what they say with those crazy tin-hat types. You know, about the craziness.
The insanity that isn't insane. The premeditated sanity of insanity that wouldn't be mediated upon, at all, until it was pre-suggested to children incapable of imagining a motive for the actions they'd never imagined either - and would be incapable of imagining - until Spam got involved.
Would you like some Cain with that? it asked me. I shrieked. I was 7, I thought about my brother, and paused. There were some obvious advantages, I suddenly realised which I'd never considered before. But then I could handle that brutal exploiter of physical size. I exploit my own disparities. I could get him whipped - literally - without touching him. All he had to do was stay on my good side, and there wouldn't be any trouble.
Well my good side is a little hard to stay on, isn't it. But then I was not insane, merely testing the boundaries of my power. Whoops. Who knew. Organised crime knows, when they extort beyond what their victims can pay, for protection they don't need.
But which they do need to pay for.
Until they are stress-tested to the point of Truth. Then you giggle, cause whoops. He was telling the truth that time. He couldn't afford to be extorted that much. Well, now we know.
Oh he still has to be taught a lesson of course. Somehow the organised crime in my mind was so organised, it was organised even when I only had a tiny handful of protected enlightened ones (who I'd finally managed to bring around to the light, my light - they were not to fuck with me - whoops, how quickly that turns into me fucking with them, and finding optimality in ways which confused them, but my punishing brutes with physical violence without touching them - MAGIC! - has always surprised them more than me. Probably because I have selected and prepared every variable. Including the manipulation of the magical arms of rage.
I had read Cain and Abel and whilst I taught those who forgot their place lessons, on occasion; the thought had never occurred to me to kill my golden geese. Who, in reality, would only become geese if they tried to goose me first. It was another 20 years before I went looking for victims. Victims would just come to me. Brothers, with advantages of physical size disparities. Sisters, literally the victims of being on the wrong side of every disparity in history, and incapable of 'leveling' the playing field with their one filthy power. "Try your father, you vile whore", I might have yelled had I known the first thing about creepy fathers' doting (eww) and knew words like 'vile' or 'whore'. In reality, she just didn't exist. And in not existing, she went off to get high on power. Stalkers aren't calling to talk to themselves, in shame. It might be just the ticket, to knock them back into 'sanity'. Until they're a lot smarter, they'll never be capable of being sane.
Until my Mother gets so smart she'd be incapable of living with the realities of what she'd done, she'll keep on being a filthy vile whore. Surely you can see the optimality any child can see but doesn't want to see, when they're bleeding, from the irony of being bitch-slapped by a bitch for asking a question about her vile faith. She's a vile whore and I chickened out of the right line. But then it wasn't easy. It never is when your mother is a vile whore. But then the Holy Bible taught both those words to me.
I already had the definitions locked away in my memory, for eternity. I knew what a whore was, I had a mentally deranged gypsy under the impression she was my mother, which forced endless uncomfortable awkwardness because sometimes it's just better to let a creepy psycho hug you than go through the effort of being horrified at their attempting to tug at emotional strings they are - imagining(?) - are there, when they do their bum-hurt thing? It's kind of horrifying really. And I'd rather not have to horrify my real parents with it, by going through it every time the creeps wanted to touch me, harmlessly. I can be pragmatic, is what I'm saying. Pragmatism is sane.
You're not being pragmatic if you're confused about pragmatism and evil. Pragmatically, you'd be insane if you thought you could apply your delusions about the definition of the word and what you imagine it's supposed to mean, onto what you wanted to do and were going to do anyway, whether you know about big fancy words like "pragmatism" or big fancy tricks of denial and moronic shooting of your feet like when you shoot your face (I didn't say you could shoot...accurately) with your moronic "rationalising" that - you're being pragmatic - to take Evil's $1,000,000,000 - win that electoral race - then apply yourself wholeheartedly in pursuing the best interests of the entire nation.
Hahah. You realise, for all his genius, what a bitch Obama truly is? Literally, he's done this. And he'd snort, cause he could kill me with a flick of his exasperation and shame at my being, at 30, the man he's been pretending he wants to be for his whole life - when the truth is neither of us is anything but creepy. Both brilliant, but I'm just a bit more on top of things than the President of the world's largest military superpower and the greatest military and economic power the globe has ever seen.
Trust me. If you're a moron, you wouldn't listen to the evidence that I always submit which precludes your 'need' to trust anything, but your own ability to do logic. Trust me, moron. I'm more on top of things than he is.
Oh I think I know when someone isn't happy. I'm happy. I was a lot happier 20 hours ago, before two of the finest pieces of literature written since late February in the year of our Vatican 2012, were taken from me in mysteriously creepy and not remotely mystical circumstances.
Don't feel sorry for me, creeps. But it's funny when you mistake my priceless intelligence, for Spam. And make demands of me. Just funny, I don't get emotional anymore.
But this doesn't mean you want to test me, in my opinion. I'm not as stable as I used to be, when I was in pain. Sometimes, I'm so in control I get quite uncontrollable. And this is why I'm able to laugh - this time - about your creepy.
Next time? Well, it's like me to make threats. So I won't make any. You best pray I'm as stable as I'm claiming, and not the loon you insult yourselves and patroness the globe of creepy with, when you think I wouldn't want to know when I've been fiddled.
You're okay with it. Don't get your fiddling confused with me. You could get a nasty bump, of reality. It could even look like Magic, to a mystical moronic child like my brother. Who could not afford to pay my ever increasing extortion demands, but then I had to find the breaking point, didn't I? He'd just lie to me and smirk, otherwise.
Once you've found it? Obviously you need to be as good as your word. And break it, when the breaking point has been reached. Morons and dumbazzes everywhere as far as the eye can see. My brother thought I believed him when I said, "It's okay. I do believe you." But then he should have been afraid, very afraid, when I smirked and said, "But I'm afraid I will have to teach you a lesson anyway. And trust me..." *smirk* (we both should have appreciated the joke I was making, but he was never good at comedy) "...this hurts me far more than it will hurt you."
He looked confused. He was telling the truth. And I did believe him. But sometimes you teach lessons to people, and sometimes the people are the lesson taught to others. Sometimes, they're the lesson you teach to the ether - not to get any fast ideas. You never know what creeps might be watching, and ready to get fast ideas if you get slow and sloppy. I know all about power, and I instinctively knew these things. I felt bad, which I knew was weak; after all, it was not fault that he was making me protect him, by protecting him from me until he couldn't afford to, at which point all deals were off the table. Obviously.
It wasn't obvious to him.
It was obvious to him, when it became obvious to a Middle Man of Exhaustion, who had recently been given relief from my endless harrying - and it's hilarious how quick these pedophiles would imagine they were making an impression on me - literally, they'd coerce me into cleaning like the entire house or something ludicrous - could take me a day or two. And I'd clean the bitch spotless. And they'd be in awe, because I'm fucking amazing. Basically.
And they'd come up, and be so impressed with me. They'd almost shine affection and emotional validation, in confused and demented waves beaming straight at me from their insanely puffed chests of pride. But their pride cometh before a fall, theirs? Sometimes. But when I had someone who needed to be taught a lesson, or be the lesson taught to someone; their pride cometh before my humility.
Internally, I'd be laughing at their insanity. I mean, they had but limited powers over me. They could make me clean house , or a kitchen, yes. But then they'd get all confused, and think my aversion to their belt and to what I'd seen come after their insanity when the violence turns into horror which morphs into regret which morphs into blame at everyone and then denial and then shame....
"This hurts me more than it's going to hurt you."
God I'd heard that one a lot. I'd gotten tired of being amused at how true it was. But then I wasn't trying to handicap myself to force an even playing field when I'd pop their bubble of pre-genuine caring with genuine authentic rage. And 'pay' the price. I could afford to pay for some roofing. Roofing that leaves no scars, or leaks; I can handle. Some roofing, the roofs of charity and love and caring, you don't want those roofs, trust me.
Just trust me. Sleep in the fucking rain or hail or snow. You do not want to be cared for, by holy people who are pure - they'll tell you - and so humble, don't embarrass them - they just want to be the vessel for God, who cannot effectively communicate with you. It's obvious why.
Look at your children. Asking these demonic questions about stuff everyone knows you need to have faith about. That's the only reason why he asks these questions. But do not feel bad. You have not failed as parents with your demon child. Remember, we have a pretty big guy on our side too. I'm pretty sure, he'll be able to frighten the demons that don't frighten of our beating their host body; who terrifies us all in ways we'll never talk about (thank Christ) when we're ashamed of being individually terrified of a tiny child.
These creeps would celebrate the big W every time Jesus won the day. I never gave them the satisfaction, no demons ever left my body and there was no motive to encourage them to believe what they would believe anyway - but less exultantly as they believed when a kid like Shem, who probably figured he had better stuff to do, would just pander to them in ways I believed would be insane - and would have debated heatedly with him, if given the opportunity at the time. After the time, I have to say it seemed reading the newspaper one day he was handling it all a lot better than I was, emotionally. But then that might just be because I flunked High School 101. On Day 1. In Hour 1. I didn't even realise I had a reason to be afraid, but I was nervous about being thought to be dumb because I wasn't dumb but I didn't know how I'd convince them of the fact that I was actually not dumb at all, just in my first year of school so they had a 9 year head-start - or 90 year. Or a 90 year or 9 year handicap. Who knows, really; except me. I think they were handicapped. Who could have known. Not me. They then handicapped me. Everyone wins!
I literally can't imagine how else I could have turned out. I'm always going to end up where I was 29; miserable confused, frustrated, believed to be insane by people who wanted the money I was trying to give them but couldn't because when I did, they would instantly know I was trying to 'one-up' them - literally incapable of thinking like that until you make the suggestion, at which point I look around, and wonder "how could someone 30 steps below be thinking I have a motive to push them down to 31? When clearly I'm trying to pull them up, to my level, for selfish reasons alone?"
But then this idiotic world is really bad at charity. And selfishness. I have struggled with the first, I argue; quite understandably because I knew what Optimality was at 11 when I found the state was literally following my parents around as we 'fled' them (no doubt shoved along to a new commune, with me as someone else's problem - new Middle Men, to horrify into shoving us along - it was a crackup when the thieves who stole me as a baby would feel ashamed for blaming me.
Like I could fucking care less. Except, to be ludicrously proud of bonus side-pots? Then they'd feel all this shame, because they knew it wasn't my fault really. Was it? Devil was just beating Jesus badly. Jesus only knows what the plan was for me? These imbecilic morons would whisper and years later I spent a year learning how to listen to imbecilic morons whispering - it takes a year, because at first you can only make out every 30th word. The better and better you get at shutting out the world, and focusing; in time, you make out every 4th or 5th word. Pure incoherence, but I knew I was there when I got that good at listening. From that point, the dominoes would fall by themselves. Like learning a new language. I could hear the words, but could only make out every 4th or 5th. Which turned into 3rd or 4th. Which turned into 2nd or 3rd, where it hovered between 2.5 and every second word. And then I was listening to entire conversations, of whispered genius - it would be beneath me to disrespect the terrifying intelligence of the plots I was learning, the tactical maneuvers, the endless - the ENDLESS - tactical planning and strategic analysis, ever-changing because nothing is as fluid as advanced political games being played by petty tiny minds which could stun you into tears or perhaps laughter or perhaps love with their genuine stupidity and wonderment at things too generic to be pitied, rather than adored. But you wouldn't want to be - not - pretty and be as stupid as a pretty child of the most terrifying and brilliant machine I've ever seen.
I almost don't want to talk about it, and I'm so completely not a good person; by your idiotic definition. Like these girls are so pretty, I want to sleep with most, if not all of the (upper echelon, of working 'pretties'). No I cannot, motherfuckers. I could do that shit so easily if I spoke English, you have no idea how it's incomparable to Manila where they are mindless zombies. Here the mindless zombies are just as terrifying, but they're in massage parlors as high as - you couldn't miss them, or get terrified or confused into thinking you were walking into a very coy Entertainment Center or Palace, and come out thinking "well gosh didn't see that coming".
It's what I thought. I'm a moron, though. I wasn't being coy. I was being unfathomably literal. I'm literally the most non-moronic moron unfairly believed to be so much more moronic than I really appear - quite fairly - to be. Do you follow me? You have the nerve to misunderstand me and think that makes me moronic.
When I misunderstand your vile need for subtlety when the very idea that Thailand could be in denial about a red light district the size of - oh - greater Bangkok, had surreptitiously been craftily setup RIGHT WHERE GREATER BANGKOK USED TO BE! The last place anyone ever thought to look, for impropriety. What with Buddhism such a smashing success of Zen, they had to give democracy to the morons because the morons couldn't much get psyched enough to 'scare' the military into giving them the concessions morons in Egypt literally would have been stupid enough to believe they'd earned with their dead and their delusions and all that rationalisation so heavily smelling of the stench of...con.
I see it coming a mile away. I laugh every time.
I laugh first every time. It doesn't matter how many time they laugh, or make me laugh, I'll never forget the first time someone makes me laugh. And if it's the old "almost too good to be true, shouldn't even be telling you - what the heck, you seem cool enough, and I don't even have the cash to take advantage of this amazingly good fortune, but...(and I always let them tell me the Spam because the only Spam that got me was the Bible. I was 7 didn't see it coming. Well played, all is fair in creepy games for children, I licked my wounds for 22 years of confusion, laughed drew a line under it, moved on. Cannot be touched by Spam again, I'm almost certain of it. This doesn't mean I can't be brutally destroyed by Truth. When I learn things I've stopped thinking about, on account of their pain / lack of sense / and my curious - my eternally peculiar - out-of-character inability to do what I'd have done 100 times in 100, unless I'm dabbling in lying to myself.
My little siblings adored me. I came rushing into their lives, they were nervous for like mere seconds, I blew that silliness anyway as I'll blow the nervousness of anyone away who isn't making me nervous - too late, for us both then, and it really is hard not to get bitter at how I'm really incapable of acting in our best interests all the time. Sometimes, I just need your help, to be amazing. Without your help, I cannot even survive. I'll self-destruct, if you're gumming on me. Your mother's filthy gums. Have you no shame?
Tsk. Of course you do. That's all you got, her shame. Her awkwardness. It's the legacy of frightened mothers without social skills - so like every mother who ever existed and already you're apologising for her, you're saying it's hardly their fault, these mothers - if you're bright you'll have already connected the dots but you need to connect one more, let me do that for you - if you're bright, you'll know I'm right, mothers are to blame for the reasons I've tendered and other creepy ones I haven't gotten around to being creeped out by - and if you're bright, you'll think about motive and you'll realise they are disturbingly close to what you'd be forgiven for thinking was an applicable spot for a Not Guilty by reason of insanity defence plea, rejected. Because they know - they know - they're doing the wrong thing. Sometimes the look of guilt on their creepy faces as they outplay their babies horrifies them, and they slink away with worried looks on their faces. But they're insane. They're not guilty. Just because you know the right thing to do, only makes your insane actions more insane. If you're ignorant by virtue of being incapable of even contemplating your own best interests, then they're being really creepy because that's bullshit. Our species doesn't need help to nail optimality. It's coded into our DNA.
Watching National Geographic and shit horrifies morons in ways that I don't get. Like the 'callous' apathy of animal mothers to shit they can't be expected to prevent. But then they don't create a world of illusion, where their 'callousness' is really slamming of doors in the faces of those who try to impress them. And you know, I don't think animal pups do that, do they? Try to impress their mothers? Do they glow with pride? They might beam with learned knowledge, when taught something successfully; as I beamed when my Pop gave me the surprise of my 11 year old life one summer, when he had everyone - including me - fooled into thinking he was senile. Obviously his private little deception on my Nan, who wasn't the most interesting of conversationalists but a lot of this shit is neither party's fault and entirely the fault of creepy manipulative powers. Who sell this "living happily ever after" shit about life on Earth, when it won't be happy if they can help it, because happy people? Get awfully unhappy when you fuck with their happiness by hurting an innocent child who belongs to the human race. You hurt yourself in confusion and happy people will stop being happy because you've hurt them as well. We are one. This isn't BS hippy shit.
5/8 but don't be alarmed when the next is 6/9. Don't scream. I'm just bad at estimating 10k blocks. I'm in control, of some things. Feel free to jump overboard at any moment though. You're a few decades late for optimality, I suspect.
---------------
Go create the illusion that you're suffering in pain in public and see how much suffering you create. Don't you get it? This is DNA proving humanity is one. We are united with empathy because our selfishness is there to protect us. If we don't protect ourselves, we're useless. But selfish people in control, assist others knowing it's in their best interests. Their selfish interests make them noble.
But religion fucked it all up. Intentionally. So people are ashamed and they will take out their pain on you. They don't realise their shame is unrelated to you. They think their pain is being created by you. So they blame you. Scream at you to take your pain away. Vile idiots. They were embarrassed once, at their inability to be humane. Then, they were inhumane so often, their embarrassment (positive emotion) turned into shame (game over). The shame is caused by their inability to realise they're cutting themselves. I swear to gods that are like no Evil gods in religious 'holy' books that this is not hippie shit. This is DNA. This is science. We are one humanity and I can prove it. Your DNA makes you react when you see someone suffering. You see their pain because it's your pain. We are ONE humanity, ONE species, ONE love.
y their inability to stop cutting themselves. When they didn't realise they should stop you from cutting us all. So they tried not to think about it, and each time it gets worse and worse. They don't realise the embarrassment has turned into shame and once that happens, you're screwed. Embarrassed people snap out of it. Ashamed people, create self-perpetual shame. And then there are winners like me, who fuck with everything. I imagine, someone like me fucked up the logic. And made it all illogical. He'd have been infinitely brighter than I am, but then he was in pain and confusion. Or he wouldn't have dreamed of hurting those who were somehow hurting him. I do - not - dream of changing the logic around, I cannot even get a single person to listen. I've lost the ability to write, and it's literally hard to even get emotional about the book I lost, which most certainly did have me thinking I'd written a game-changer. you read that book. so brilliant, that creepy book, I wonder if anyone creepy enough to write a book that deceptively life-saving could even come along again, and get happy enough to write it or something even more brilliant than it, again. But of course I'm being silly. In a world of insanity, it's very easy to forget how everyone is actually very brilliant, only I can ever know these things I say are true. Because no one else could possibly have my background, my creepy obsessions with high school popularity and the creep I became trying to solve the mystery I did solve - oh quite bitterly and then I got embarrassed. Because I was quite rationally feeling homicidal but then I'm nothing like those losers who spray bullets in pain aimlessly - in their victimisation creating victims. I was a winner, who wasn't allowed to be who I was destined to be, which was fine except when I was trying to just catch up, I was sold a lie that I almost want to quote Lil Wayne in referencing but literally would and can't remember the line. Basically he kept his side of the unspoken bargain, but everyone keeps fucking him over, changing the rules, changing the posts, breaking their vows, so his shelves are full of broken bottles of liquor, and his nightstands are covered in open Bibles.
I hated Lil Wayne but the little creep is growing on me. He says cute stuff that obviously I thought was moronic when I was 14 on my 3rd day of school lifetime - but then didn't think of again until reminded and it might be meaningless but it's not - it really isn't meaningless at all.
A v A+.
A++? What the fuck is this shit, I wanted to yell. Already fearing I'd just swapped one world of insanity for another.
I could haven't imagined how exactly I'd done - that - exact thing. I'd have killed myself had I known this world was 1/100th as creepy and insane and insulting, with all their filthy 'caring' to impose their filthy fiddling impositions all over you - their offence at your rejecting their unsolicited Spam, which is blasted at children to corrupt them before they even have a chance to go "No thanks. I'd prefer not to be thinking about insanity like killing my brother today. Or fighting a man's war with toys and killing man-slaughtering giants with throws too lucky to be implausible. Get it genius? David never beat Goliath because the two never 'dueled'. So it's a creepy made-up story like The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. Literally, one of the creepiest fucking - disturbing - movies I've ever seen, and I couldn't put my finger on it except to be quite certain that some dark shit was in play. That was not a kids movie. That was a movie for children, who needed to be convinced to do very stupid things. I was walking out of the movie, thinking how much like creepy propaganda it was when someone else said literally the thing I was thinking, albeit a few thousand words more succinctly.
"That's some creepy shit."
I would have never dared. When I used to say shit like that, everyone would go creepy and try and make me feel weird. So in trying to show them the point I was making - perfectly intelligently - and accurately and validly and not-remotely-creepily (on the contrary); people would go away doing the thing that has literally driven me to the point of being very creepy a couple times. lucky for them their idiotic analysis was wrong. Because you don't want to be backing away from creeps insulting them and rolling your eyes and laughing with each other about what a creep that creepy creep was - or is. Or not mentioning it, as you walk away awkwardly, too creepy to even express a fucking opinion out loud. Because you're too retarded to know what to say.
So you become a creep. I understand. Your problem. Not mine. Your stupidity. Your mothers. Your corruption. None of it is mine. All of it got dumped on me, because I am a winner. And I wanted to win - happiness. And I knew that needed people.
What I didn't know is that you are all the short-cut to misery. I'm not changing my theory because I believe it's still accurate. Happiness is not possible alone. I just couldn't' have imagined how good misery feels, when it stops. You could almost be forgiven for thinking I was happy. What with no longer being gummed over endlessly by Australian's - who, you understand, wouldn't even dream of doing such a thing, unless they cared for me. And boy, how they cared. They'd care to lecture me on the inappropriateness of my inconsideration in chipping in for breakfast they'd purchased the ingredients for without my asking or requesting or suggesting or even having a fucking clue. Then they'd go and cook it all up, as I'm working. So I'm hungry. Now, I'm not a man of limited means, I can order shit when I'm hungry. But call me crazy, I will think you're weird if you do all that shit and cook only yourself food and then say "oh sorry, I didn't buy enough ingredients but for one person".
Oh sorry I should have mentioned, this shit is always the behaviour of guests. Who are imposing themselves on me, yes. ON my hospitality. Because when someone says they're staying in a hotel, I'm never going to offer they stay at my place. Fuck that. Stay at your place, mobilised. They call them hotels. But I'm bad at being cruel to people who are tight-fisted. Pretty sure no one could ever be poor enough to justify their retardation like this, but if they were, they should just fuck off and away from me. I don't like poor people, I don't like their excuses, I don't like the fact that they think excuses matter for their own happiness, I don't like their entitled attitudes, I don't like the fact that they're kept alive by a government hoping - pretty much investing, in fact (in their confused state / church frame of mind) - paying good cash investing in useless moronic bums who impose, leech, creep everyone out with their awkwardness, their inability to fucking be sane enough to be real, their vile haughty tone they get when they lecture you on your preferences in your house, when I literally couldn't give a fuck except open curtains means glare on my screen which means I've just paid $1800 for your staying here, and counting. Because I had the curtains closed when you walked in and ignored my intense concentration which is exaggerated for effect to communicate "don't talk to, distract and/or bother me - I don't exist, because you don't exist - we're in reality now, be sane".
Is the person who is typing all of these long comments, Scooter, or is this cut/paste from someone else?
Is that Scooter who is in the earlier video inside of the Apple store?
They cannot be sane. Their mothers were too creepy for them to deal with sanity. They lose the plot. i start fuming already knowing what's coming. Because I need to throw them out now. But they haven't done anything yet, they'll shriek. So? I have to wait for them to do it? At which point, my throwing them out will be an over-reaction. They will literally tell anyone who'll listen, because they realise they've been in an altercation with a friend, who shares friends. The 'smart' play is to instantly Spam everyone with your boring unpleasant news. Apparently. Oh I'm literally incapable and it's too generic, anyway. But they will be frantic, so they'll tell everyone. And because it's uninteresting, they've obviously got to sex it up otherwise it will be too obviously creepy moronic 5 year old Mum v Dad Spam learned from creepy moronic parents who encourage it and then talk about a united front with each other. So vile. These morons. Everyone thinking they're outplaying everyone.All so crafty. All too stupid to be alive. No one winning. Everyone losing. Imagining they're playing one hell of a game though.
Literally only I and the guys that are playing the entire world are even capable of not being played. And I ADMIT I got played for 22 years like a moron. Literally couldn't have seen it coming. Felt like I should have though. I was 7. The OT of the Holy Bible was so full of horrifying stuff I'm not even going to degrade your vile 'innocence' and 'naivety' with detailing or listing, for you to insult yourself further by disputing it without being unwilling to verify it, as if it even could be disputable. You're too vile to live. And it's because you were creeped out by your creepy Mom. And when she tried that shit with me, I'd say "why". I thought it was a fun game or something, no idea why or how I got the idea but the idea that "Because" or "because it'll be fun" literally couldn't have occurred to me as the honest - insane - truth she was telling me. Insanely.
I was 5. It was raining. She hated fun. She just was a whore. A machine. Fun was not fun. She wanted to be degraded, insulted, ridiculed than get the buzz of providing pleasure and that creepy 'redemption' or something - it's literally too creepy to contemplate. I'm probably way off. But that's the trick with playing creeps. You can't win. Creeps win. They win they win, just by being creepy. Welcome to politics. Where those who dare to be creepier than plausible, win. They win nothing. They can't even fake happiness remotely plausibly. Not even when they're clearly buzzing on a high - a power rush. Time to flex those muscles, for strategic gain but that's secondary really. And psychopaths are confused. Cause they don't get the emotional bullshit. So they're like "why did you invade Libya there - you don't even have a vile, corrupt reason. You have - no reason! arghh"
Horror, terror, probably kill some kids in a nervous breakdown of fear.
Oh yes, psychopaths feel all natural emotions. Oh they're very easy to distinguish really. And you can get killed for making these distinctions. I'm serious. They're going to be furious at me. This is the most brilliant shit no one is talking about, and the only interesting shit is what NO ONE is talking about. Because if it was 'hot' or valuable or insightful or relevant to you at all - you wouldn't - be fucking talking about it. Fact. Your entire existence is an illusion of their Spam. Real events, utterly arbitrarily reported on to suit random 'aims' at any one time. Sometimes, horror gets created. Maybe you weren't afraid enough. Maybe you need to see some children running down a road with their skin and their clothes burned off by napalm before you'll get so any war, you'll allow us to terrify you of domestic terrors you've been avoiding - annoyingly - because it's very hard to profit from a fake war fought for very real bodies and very non-existent fabricated ideological stakes. You know how you know the entire thing was a sham?
Everything always ended with everyone's face being saved.
Well, lots of unimportant faces got burned off by napalm. The faces of the big players, ostensibly playing for all the marbles, everyone always putting it all on the line and ending up with a draw. You're so moronic, the Cuban Missile Crisis was the most terrifying complete non-event in history. And sure, you'll have guys making a staged event a little bit shaky cause they're not good at changing scripts and the script was written to terrify Americans into throwing more at the military, and live in more overall fear and terror, and JFK isn't going to risk your safety whilst dispatching the vile charades and telling you - but you morons wouldn't listen - the only thing you have to fear, is fear itself.
What kind of a President would say such a thing, if the world was really at risk of losing it's collective minds at once? It's the oldest political trick in the book. Dubya just perfected it. Obama is just horrifying everyone into silence. Pretend to be so stupid, people will forgive you for killing their sons, in a war fought on a pretext you'd have found yourself at war with a horrified and insulted global superpower with - in another world of genuine insanity. This is just fake insanity, where millions or tens of millions of marbles are lost but you don't understand they've become disassociated from the value of human life the way you cannot win at poker until you become disassociated with the value of money. Playing for $20,000 pots and swinging up or down $50,000 or $100,000 or more in a session is maniacal insanity. Not, arguably, to those who are brilliant enough to walk that tightrope. Show me one.
I couldn't do it. The truth was, I could have; but I no longer had any motive to do it. But then that's what I'd probably say if I was in denial. But I'm not. I know exactly what I did and I know exactly why I did it. I can name every name, very vile incident and after sharing with you the horror you probably just don't see - literally so much of my hatred of my intelligence was my correct analysis that it wouldn't hardly even seem creepy or insulting except when morons used to gumming on morons are gumming on someone with the mind of an Obama. Obama didn't achieve what I achieved. I out-gamed the entire world. To date, only sexually molested once, by a fat girl who spiked my drink by being friends with a friend I knew was insane, but was in denial about her "pretty" - pretty girls to me were not insane, because obviously almost all of them are batshit. But thinking like that is one quick way to sleeping alone or sleeping with all of them depending on what other variables are in play. I couldn't think like that. I don't have the requisite variables. Give me Benny Meerman's looks and my mind and creepy capacity to manipulate and this world...Christ, it's literally terrifying who I'd have become. Probably fucking butt-fucked, now that I think about it. Or you don't realise how girls lose their mind, Ben can say the dumbest shit too - we all can, around girls, good-looking guys are not immune, but aha you know who is immune, all of us. To the fact that we're effectively pedophiles. We are all sleeping with children and taking advantage of them with our manipulative deceit and making them scream in pain cause that's what insane children would do. We are awkward. Not our problem, that we lie well? Deceive well. Or I do it better. I do all the unethical and horrifying things you do, and I do them ethically. If you're confused, just hod and smile. That's what this idiotic world wants idiots to do, to stay exploitable. So terrified that if they don't they'll get exploited. No morons. Only terrified morons would even consider it. I was a creepy creep but then only because I was intelligent and terrified, too nervous even to speak. So my brain was on overdrive, non-stop. We're immune, we're in denial. We're crafty children, as crafty as any girl who tricks her father into doing something which is in neither of their best interests. And Fathers will be creeped out, as they should be, then they'll see the smirk which probably takes the form of "thank you daddy" (for ruining me, when I'm too young to know how vile you're being). And they'll think - in their idiocy - "awwh so cute".
Then they'll tell themselves at least she'll be a winner, who'll exploit and break hearts rather than get their heart broken constantly. And I've been talking on YouTube, don't laugh. I can't make videos, I've been having conversations with a world where 99.99% of people just want to transmit. I couldn't believe it, I mean I could, but it's something you have to see to believe. Opinionated people, who will argue open-ended conspiracy theories for 30 years of back and forth debate because that's why they're conspiracy theories they belie the darker realities that are all terrifying and are all true, even the ones that might not be. Like alien life forms, coming into contact with Earth. I'm literally not interested if they have or haven't. Because if they have, they can't have been very intelligent or advanced, lolz. To get owned. Maybe in the hypotheses they crash landed and died, and we're toying with their technology. But that would be irony too hilarious for reality, and only ever the stuff of really B-grade but likely fun to write fiction. An alien crash lands on Earth, and he's so advanced, he has an IQ of like 800 and he damn near dies in this alternating between Orwellian and non -Orwellian world where people care enough to kill you one moment over what fantasy you believe in, then couldn't care less whether they die or not from speeding and drink driving all the way home. Guilty at how they were lucky to miss the RBTs, they start health binging, dieting aerobics, swinging from insanity to insane extreme endlessly in terror, getting so moronic their body has to start flushing their bodies of pain with natural highs, which they get addicted to and almost kill a second family. Before waking up and realising I had all these really dark problems obviously, and none of them were remotely as dangerous to anyone - not even me - as my dangerous denial on the roads which had almost killed me so many times whether I was driving or not - I literally never thought about, when I'd be able to break an 800-successive high addiction to the second creepiest of addictions I think, after addiction to power. Your mother is the third creepiest. She's on the bottom rung and just happy to be invited, if I know mothers. And I do. She's never won anything. Or done anything. how could she? She's hardly even a person. No character. No personality. A blow-up doll with cruelly contorted real feelings. Used her whole life by horrified morons who thought "oh a breathing blow up doll? This will be brilliant" and then run, screaming.
She'll never understand. She'll never amount to anything. She's a doll, who feels. Worthless, because she is - worth only what confused people are willing to lie to her about. It's her Daddy's fault, if you're looking for someone to blame. And they will, always, be looking for someone to blame. It's what Princesses do. That's why she feels worthless. It's why pretty girls addicted to emotional validation are starved into sleeping with everyone. It's not that they're getting their fix, but they think they are. They're starving because they're addicted to something that won't ever happen again. They're addicted to a horrifyingly creepy delusion, and if you put yourself in their shoes, you can almost see why. Little girls, basking in the love of their father who lies to them and makes them believe he can protect them from anything when he vows, and then breaks his vow during the making of the vow because he can't protect them from him. And he's the Number one threat they'll ever face. And they'll face many. Many more, if they have have a creepier father. It's horrifyingly exponential; or it was for me, because I was so lost in delusions of my assumed idiotic identity in order not to frighten girls into not sleeping with me, that I'd forgotten I was too brilliant to fear my fear rationally. I was insane, fearing insanely, rather than fearing fear itself, i.e. fearing insanity.
In my fear, I feared that the link was hereditary. I was millions of miles away from capacity to think logically or intelligently. I just felt like it had to be hereditary. I couldn't lie about the creepy factor. The creepier the fathers, the creepier the guys, and I would be gone thank you. No Ma'am, each of your boyfriends is a reflection of you; because each of them either complimented you or exploited you, with compliments. Don't get confused, you're not sane enough to get frustrated without becoming dangerous. Take your time, take deep breaths. Relax. There is literally everything to be be afraid of. That's why you need to relax. And chill. The way you were going, all you cared about in your fear was getting your ego stroked. Meanwhile, the entire world is going up in flames, and millions of children are being raped, and none of is is because anyone is Evil or cackling or maniacally trying to create suffering. They've merely lost touch with their humanity. And they're detached from their Command and Control inside their DNA. We have to get back in touch with ourselves. And we need to rewrite the idiotic idiocy out of popular 'consensus'. No more small talk. Feel awkward, swear, fart, swear, snicker do whatever you want and it will be smart than insulting a stranger you've first met. Because the think they don't tell you is about their own denial. They don't tell you that it's crazy to do all this shit, but maybe you see how it's crazy and maybe you don't. But you can't figure out why. Why would creeps get that creepy?
They were intelligent? And pretty little girls who didn't realise they'd been given so much power,except they had and they were totally loving it and just pretending not to be having fun when they hurt people who loved them cause that's what rushing on poisonous power is. Let's cut out the bullshit delicacy. Power is about application of it. you cannot sit on a nuclear warhead and feel powerful. You need to be the guy who knows he's the guy who pulled the imaginary trigger to make the real boom. And the guys all the way down the chain get imaginary highs equal to their 'guilt' when the Law gets so creepy, it starts saying "But the Law can be illegal."
When the Law spends all it's time saying "Whether the Law is right or wrong, you have to respect it. This is not the way to change the Laws. You have to go through the process."
What's the process? Rewrite the Constitution? Thailand does that every new government. Why not? It's optimal.
When they get power back, from those who have it but are unwilling to use it for whatever reasons they have or don't have, they rewrite the Laws to suit them. Exonerate them if they broke the laws, in the process. It's so nauseating you have to be careful or you will lose your existential soul to suicide, coming to grips with the horror that is their vile double-play on poor, decent, confused people who just cannot win no matter what they do. No one wins, though - it's so hilarious. This entire globe is so horrifying in all their vile denial and preferences for pleasantry - no matter how creepy or insulting - the vilest things happen right under your very noses. And after, you're all still in denial about the millions of Jews who were slaughtered by maniacal confused maniacs, instead of educated about their parents' evil vile.
Millions of innocents were killed during the Holocaust. Millions of children. Who committed no vile crimes. A tiny section of single adult innocents who had no part in the evil, but who knows how proactively they were fighting it. A tiny section - of incredibly debatable / but arguably innocent married Jews without children. Who may have or may have not had intent to commit the Evil shortly. Who knows. They were probably innocent by letter of the 'law', and guilty by being party to the existence of Evil everyone is in denial about.
The Holocaust was not insane. It was confusion about how to deal with Evil that is insane. Jews are insane, you are insane for thinking a race of people could possibly be. They're kinda cool, despite their horrifying denial. You have to be in denial or you wouldn't be capable of functioning. I understand their denial perfectly. I've lived in it my entire life. It's only ever horrifying to others. Who only become creeps when they react to something and then "thinking better of offending you with helpful Truth" they run the other way unwilling to cause a 'scene' over your failure to understand, that you'd hear a lot better and stop making the creepiest fucks in the world creep you out over your ears by refusing to say what they'd already said with their horrified facial expressions. All they needed to say was "dude you gotta clean your ears, that shit doesn't wash out in the shower or surf."
And I would have said, "fuck I didn't know that". And I would have cleaned my ears the first time in my life when I was 14. As it happened, I cleaned my ears for the first time in my life when I was 16. You think this shit is silly, unimportant? People kill themselves over it. They spend entire lifetimes battling negative body image complexes. They kill each other. They kill themselves. SO much suffering, it makes me want to kill you. I mean, you. It's your vile suffering. You create it, with your fear of 'scenes'. You're so horrifying, in the Reality you won't credit because you won't use logic trying to work out if you're creating Evil. You're only thinking of things from a perspective of the dock, when if you thought of the big picture, you'd never be in the dock.
But the 'honorable' men who refuse to be drawn into a discussion about whether it can ever be sane or in anyone's best interests to kill their children, whether they planned it months in advance, or whether their insanity was spontaneous. Fucking nauseating vile evil ignorance. I'll adjudicate on them. If the world cannot understand my logic, I'll offer up my own life to be noosed. This is literally a literal offer, for whatever it's worth in your insanity. Oh, because you think I'm not important because I wasn't stupid enough to stretch out my denial to 10mil, 100mil, 1bil and where does it end?
You think, if we let him ask the President questions like that, then it's chaos. No no only important questions and stupid questions must be asked and insulted with lies, in response. Nothing about traitors or treason. Nothing about lying to Americans in order to kill them. Nothing about Freedom Fries. French Axises of Evils. It's Evil to try and save US lives with Truth? Only 50,000?
hahah. Millions of you are walking dead and you don't even realise it yet. You think Bush killed 50,000? hah. He killed 1 million Iraqis that literally couldn't matter less to me. I'm honest. deal. Except...they happen to have been the parents of children who they had made addicted to them?
Uh oh.
Evil whore mothers, come full circle. Welcome to the world of ironic pain. If only people in pain could appreciate irony. I have lied so many times about that fact. The only thing you - appreciate - in pain, is the pain. Confusion if you've no clue about why anything is happening or why you did or didn't 'deserve. Hatred and horror and the burning of a very dark kind of insanity, if your attempt to act in yours and others' best interests was betrayed by their insanity in thinking it was in their best interests to stab everyone in the foot and you in the face hahah.
If you are the sort of person who is the definition of polite evil; like all of you mostly are - except for the rare few that don't do what all of my mates did to me, until an actual mate Matty T shrieked and handed me a bunch of cotton buds and I solved the mystery of the insanity of my horrifying ears with that innocuous non-event. Two years and maybe a dozen different people after it should have occurred, and it should have occurred a dozen times. Filthy vile world of suffering. You think it's silly but then I'm pretty bright. When things don't occur to me and you think "Well that's retarded cause they occurred to me" - you know how I feel about everything, else - in the world. About everyone. Except I feel adoration for anyone decent enough to be a friend.
And not be vile like a mother who thinks her children are just trying to impress her. and she's not impressed. She is too stupid to understand anything that is said. She just feels, you feel bad. She's fishing, idiotically. She'll just go ahead and tell you not to feel bad, whatever it takes. When you're in denial. And you were a horrifying parent, your adult children are either going to be perfectly horrifying or perfectly horrified of you. My mother's children are perfectly horrifying like my sister who competes with my baby sister for attention. Like I asked Mandy how her gymnastics was going so brilliantly, but not game-play. Just brilliance because she wasn't fully corrupted. She was just on the brink and I was losing her. And losing her, I wasn't stupid enough to compel her to have conversations she didn't want to have - obviously - but I did get stupidly intense and focused. Maybe I said something. Maybe it was my apathy in being the most amazing older brother in the world?
I swear to God, I probably was. I couldn't live there. But then it's hard to explain to children that the reason you can't be there often is that their mother will likely die. I think I knew I had to take the evil lumps with the tea and I was trying to deny the bitterness, with idiocy.
I had zero agenda, except making them the happiness kids I could possibly manage. And I have not completely inconsiderate powers at my disposal. Most of my power, is in my sanity in not being demented twisted creepy and vile. I couldn't care less about public displays of deception because I have no private shame to hide. No noses to powder, and creep a world out with. No horrifying coy or whore paint. I couldn't care if their shirt was supposed to be white, but black in reality. If it's unhygienic, I'll explain to them why they might want to be hygienic. Little bit of effort. But being sick all the time? Diseases? bah. No one wants them. If it looks stupid, I'll take them shopping and show them how much better they look taking care of themselves. No need to go overboard with image, of course. I'd explain to them. Unless you had perfect special hair like mine. I have to take 30 min to fix my hair but only because I have amazing hair. You are super cool, don't get the wrong idea, but your hair isn't special like mine. You don't need to take 30 minutes. And they'd go. But your hair is stupid, hahah. And I'd go "OMG how could you say such a thing!" - in mock horror.
And then they'd be horrified, for only a second, until they get the joke. And they got these jokes, I tell really good jokes that tell children really important things about what to care about and why. i was so dangerous, I didn't even realise a vile Evil was frantically watching me - steal - her property away. With happiness and fun. Her twin pet hates. They always lead to effort, don't they?
Less time for fucking. The Rapture is coming any day now. "No, you cannot have fun."
Why? "Because I said so."
Kill them. Kill anyone who is so vile, they'd refuse to show their working to their children.
I showed lots of fake working, for jokes with my siblings. And they'd realise it's more than a joke. Kids are so smart. Well mine were.
9/11. fml. I went to edit a misspelled word. Blew out the 'estimates'.
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They weren't MINE though, were they. Christ I was incapable of being competitive around evil as vile as her. For years, in denial, I cried as they just drifted away. Back to their vile master who was killing them. She made an executive decision. Jonny was dangerous. Children need their mother. The need their mother, not to be corrupted. If their mothers are corrupted, there is nothing a child needs more than not to have a mother. I knew this. But I was not emotionally sound enough to ever be that brutally cold. And I needed to be that brutally detached and confident enough in non-countered logic, tested against endless logical sounding boards, to even proceed with the thought. And I would have, proceeded with the thought. If I was sound of mind, and at peace. You can do amazing things. Maybe you can even show corruption how corruption isn't in their best interests.
But then I'm not calling them vile because they're ignorant. I'm calling them Evil Whores because they know the Truth. They don't want to be free. They're terrified of the 'reality' that is so much more horrifying than their worst fears. They're irrelevant beyond their capacity to fathom. Children make them feel relevant. I tried not to vomit, as a mother of a friend of mine explained their insanity to me, proudly. Children fill the gap in your soul that everyone feels until they have them. Hah.
You don't have children unless you have holes you need to fill. You'd adopt or raise a human instead. You wouldn't have or possess or own anything. Unless you're too stupid to own anything. Let alone be given the power to end the world. Mothers have that power. They're drunk with it, collectively. But not really. They're just vile and they need to be put down when they're like my mother. The greatest brother a kid could ever dream of having storms back into their lives after you - his mother - very nearly killed him, for 14 years. Four years later, healed enough to cope with your horrifying vile again, he outplays you and saves his siblings. She admitted - this vile woman - that it was for the best. I sighed, idiotically relieved. I didn't realise she was doing her fake denial. She missed her sex cult, she missed her exploitation, she missed her chains.
Vile filthy nigger. I should have put her down and dealt with the aftermath intelligently somehow. What I did....wasn't going to save them. I needed to save us all from her. The cult didn't fiddle my brothers and sisters because they were evil. My vile mother was the evil who took her gifts and handed us over to them to please her manipulators. She is insane of course. But evil is insanity, when it gets so ugly it wants to be in pain. And cause pain.
She needed them. Mothers take them back when Good threatens, accidentally. They were hers. She burned those buns, didn't she; not Jonny. Not her Son. Children need their mother. She knows this. What she doesn't know is that she'll never win. She just makes the world lose. And then, when in confusion and stupidity and agony I went crying to her, she played dumb, and claimed to be concerned about the undeniable Obvious horror I was referring to. She said she was concerned too. I need to kill her. This is just.... I said, almost in tears, "what's happening? The light in their eyes is flickering out or gone. It's too horrifying to think about."
And she'd go "I know exactly what you mean. I've been thinking much the same thing. I just don't know why they're not interested in anything. I try and get them to be interested, but they just pull away from me too."
Sigh. She admitted her guilt, in all her stupid vile. And in trauma that had nothing to do with my siblings and everything to do with me, I collapsed, horrified, and in denial. I knew what she was doing on some level. She had done it before with me. And I'd literally gotten so serious about it whispered it to her, in a hiss. "STOP YOUR FILTHY FORCING THEM TO DO THINGS THEY DON'T WANT TO DO. THAT'S HOW YOU TRAUMATISE PERFECTLY SANE CHILDREN INTO NOT EATING GREENS FOR TWO DECADES. When they merely didn't like the taste of them only because you forced them to eat them when they weren't hungry."
Parents are the worst. How could I have known, all her vile evil wasn't entirely ignorance. Her application of it was insane. But this is where horrified judges who might be innocent get confused about insanity. When it's so vile, it's just implausible.
She will think, and I know for a fact because has the vile idiocy to be arrogant, in spite of her mind-numbing incapacity to be sane - or do logic - so she think and says stuff like: "Honey, I raised children before? (giggle) I think I know what I'm doing."
If you knew what to respond to that except <scream>, quickly followed by <denial>, you're a genius. And you should be writing. Cause now I'm 50 min over time. Fuck.
She would say shit like: "You'll understand one day, when you have your children."
??
???
I asked her why I needed to screw kids up to be so sure of my child raising skills, but she was busy by this stage, getting outplayed by a 3 year old or something. In a mind game. So she doesn't know.
She just sighs when she doesn't know. And walks away. Solution.
Linear Mode
