***Official Vanilla Ice Hurricane Conspiracy Theory Thread***
Theory: Vanilla Ice is suicidal after Tuesday's elimination from Dancing With the Stars, and believes that death by hurricane is hella hardcore and won't void the life insurance policy set up to provide for his pet wallaroo.
Theory: Vanilla Ice is depressed but not suicidal after Tuesday's elimination from Dancing With the Stars, and has been at home weeping and shaving designs into his eyebrows for the past two days. Shit got way too fucked up for him to be seen in public and now he needs an excuse not to perform in the opening concert of the I Love the 90s tour in St. Louis tomorrow night.
Theory: Facing crippling debt, Vanilla Ice plans to fake his own death, move to Toronto, and eke out a living as a Snow impersonator and by defraudulating the health care system to hoard prescription drugs that he will then send back into the states for resale.
Theory: Vanilla Ice plans to combine the skills he learned on the "Vanilla Ice Goes Amish" series with his deep love of looting vacant homes and begin a crime spree at dawn tomorrow. He'll start off by stealing a horse and sulky from Hialeah and by the time electricity is restored he will be ruling Palm Beach with an iron fist.
Theory: Vanilla Ice isn't even in Florida right now, hence the lack of pics or videos on his twitter feed. He's pretending to ride out the storm in order to garner publicity for a planned reality show where he will repair homes destroyed by the hurricane and do sick wheelies through debris on a dirtbike.
Theory: Vanilla Ice's current tweets are sponsored by Samsung and will culminate with him using his Note 7 to start a fire that allows him to save the lives of a small child and several puppies.
Theory: Vanilla Ice, like most Floridians, is hooked on some sort of horrible synthetic hallucinogen and believes he is indestructible. He plans to face down Hurricane Matthew armed only with a combination of parachute pants and nonsensical hand gestures, then eat the faces of the dead and wounded.