Jared Fogle's life is officially over. He accepted a plea deal from the U.S. Attorney today on child pornography charges. According to prosecutors, he had a habit of paying adult prostitutes a finder's fee for hooking him up with girls as young as 14. "You want a footlong for cheaper than $5? I can make that happen." He's facing 5 to 12 relaxing years in jail, where child molesters are treated like kings. Lucky for him, Subway is standing behind their loyal spokesman. They told Fox earlier:
"We have already ended our relationship with Jared and have no further comment."
Oops, my bad. Got that totally wrong. But his wife -- surely Jared's wife Katie Fogle is standing by his side during this trying ordeal. She told People:
"Obviously, I am extremely shocked and disappointed by the recent developments involving Jared. I am in the process of seeking a dissolution of the marriage. My focus is exclusively on the well-being of my children. Neither I nor my family will have any further comment on the matter. I appreciate respect for my family's privacy during this difficult time."
Aw man I'm off today. But at least when Jared gets out of jail, he'll be able to take all that Subway money and retire quietly away from the public spotlight. The Chicago Tribune adds:
The agreement released by prosecutors said Fogle will pay $1.4 million in restitution to 14 minor victims, who will each receive $100,000. He will also be required to register as a sex offender and undergo treatment for sexual disorders.
Aw dammit, messed up again. You know what, I'm just gonna stop. I can't seem to get anything right about this story.
ALTERNATE HEADLINE: Josh Duggar today: "YESSS!!!!"
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Jared from Subway is going away for awhile
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